1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I just can't do this anymore..

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Drakey, Apr 28, 2012.

  1. Drakey

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2012
    Messages:
    192
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Denver, Colorado
    It feels like every time there's the possibility that I might be the least bit happy in life, it gets snatched away. It's been like this ever since I was a kid. I would always notice that whenever I acted the least bit happy or said I was happy, something really bad would happen to me. Like the day before my eighteenth birthday, I was extremely excited to turn eighteen and then my school dean almost had me arrested on false charges and I spent my eighteenth birthday grounded and trapped at home being yelled at. Or another time where I really liked this guy and he pretended to like me back until he chose another over me after drunkenly texting me that he wanted me :/
    Then there was today that kind of made me reach breaking point. I was going to go on a date with this guy who I really liked who also really wanted me and I actually let my hopes get up that something good would actually happen to me, but nope! Instead it turns out he couldn't go or see me for a very long time, which probably means never.
    I know that sounds like a relatively small thing, but it just tells me that I can never get my hopes up that anything good will ever happen to me. All I see ahead of me is years and years of misery and loneliness :/
    I could think of a lot more examples, but I'm just too close to tears to think straight..
     
  2. Pret Allez

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2012
    Messages:
    6,785
    Likes Received:
    67
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Aww, I am so sorry man... :icon_sad:
     
  3. TheGreyMan

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2012
    Messages:
    346
    Likes Received:
    0
    I know it sucks, but in time, everything will get better.

    I've felt the same way and I honestly still feel hopeless sometimes, but even when I thought I was doomed, life has its way of getting back on its feet.

    Feel better though.
     
  4. Drakey

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2012
    Messages:
    192
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Denver, Colorado
    see the thing is that life never gets back on its feet for me. it just gets worse. much worse :<
     
  5. TheGreyMan

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2012
    Messages:
    346
    Likes Received:
    0
    It won't stay like that forever.

    Everyone has rough spots and some are longer than others, but they're thankfully not permanent.
     
  6. Drakey

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2012
    Messages:
    192
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Denver, Colorado
    I hate to sound difficult, really :/ but eighteen years is a long time for a rough spot...
     
  7. TheGreyMan

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2012
    Messages:
    346
    Likes Received:
    0
    You're not really being difficult.

    I'm just trying to say it can't be totally perpetual - eventually things will lighten up. You're at an age of enormous opportunity right now and I imagine there's a lot of good that will accompany it.
     
  8. fireworks

    fireworks Guest

    Yeah, life's a b****. But you gotta just power through, I guess. I know, I know, it's sucky, but there's no other solution. I could spin some garble about focussing on the positives, but I'm just gonna tell you to hang in there. One thing we can say about life is that it likes to surprise you, and, whether in a good or bad way, it's just part of the journey. Just gotta sit back and enjoy the ride. Or try and bear it. Listen, I know you say that it never gets back on its feet, but, unless you're the unluckiest guy in the world, you're gonna have your good days too. You can't seriously tell me that nothing good has ever happened to you. No matter how hopeless things get, there are always little things which make it better- your friends, your family, chocolate, whatever. Sorry man, I know it sucks, but there's nothing you can really do about it, except, and I hate myself for saying this, but, 'focusing on the positives' in life. Take up a new hobby or something, find something which makes you really really happy.

    When life gives you lemons, make lemonade:wink:
    Or, perhaps more fittingly, when life keeps screwing you over, like, repeatedly, just stare it right in the eyes until it backs down. Haha.

    And hey, if your life's a mess.. at least it can't really get much worse :')
     
  9. Emberblaze

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2012
    Messages:
    693
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Georgia
    Hey man, be strong, I know how it is when life's always doin it's best to get ya down. Since I was in like 5th grade, life's always been causing me pain and stress, and the worst thing about it all, is that i've got nobody to talk to about it, so I'm just a bottle of uncapped emotions, ready to erupt whenever the killing blow comes.

    You just gotta be strong and limp through it. I know exactly what you mean: seeing everyone around you have life handed to them, but you have to struggle just to keep alive.

    You can endure it, trust me. If I can do it, then you have the strength to do it too.

    You aren't alone, alright. Be strong and limp through it. Eventually, things will get better, and then you'll be able to relax while you patch up your wounds.

    ---------- Post added 28th Apr 2012 at 11:27 PM ----------

    Hey man, be strong, I know how it is when life's always doin it's best to get ya down. Since I was in like 5th grade, life's always been causing me pain and stress, and the worst thing about it all, is that i've got nobody to talk to about it, so I'm just a bottle of uncapped emotions, ready to erupt whenever the killing blow comes.

    You just gotta be strong and limp through it. I know exactly what you mean: seeing everyone around you have life handed to them, but you have to struggle just to keep alive.

    You can endure it, trust me. If I can do it, then you have the strength to do it too.

    You aren't alone, alright. Be strong and limp through it. Eventually, things will get better, and then you'll be able to relax while you patch up your wounds.
     
  10. Drakey

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2012
    Messages:
    192
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Denver, Colorado
    couldn't have said it better. you too emberblaze. thanks guys <3 only thing I can do is go through it...
     
  11. Aldrick

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2012
    Messages:
    2,175
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Virginia
    Alright, Drakey...

    Let me speak to you as an older gay man whose been in your shoes. However, first let me help you up off the ground, and shoo the little rain cloud from over top of your head. Yes, there are going to be times when life sucks. That's going to happen. Though, no matter how bad you've had it someone else has it worse.

    So what, some boy treated you like dirt? You don't need a man to love you to make you complete. Love yourself first. It's the only person you're going to wake up to everyday.

    Step Number One: Love and respect yourself. When you can do that, other things start to fall into place.

    You're lonely and miserable? Alright. There is a solution to that.

    Step Number Two: Since you live in Denver there are likely some LGBT groups and clubs in your city. Make a commitment to join one of them, especially for youth, and volunteer or participate. It will give you a chance to meet new people, make friends, give back (if you volunteer), feel better about yourself, and possibly even find a boyfriend.

    The worst thing you can do is sit around wallowing in how awful your life is; what is preventing you from changing it? You're eighteen years old. You have a very long and wonderful life to look forward too.

    So, okay, times have been a bit rough recently. Fine. What are you going to do to make it better?

    Sorry if it sounds kinda rough, but I hope it helped. (*hug*)
     
  12. Deaf Not Blind

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2012
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    WA DC
    Gender:
    Male
    i think with me i get the something good, get to enjoy it 10 seconds, then it is completely thrashed to smithereens.

    Everything seems more dramatic in high school, so in a few years it will just be better for anyone. High school sometimes really sucks.

    Principal will likely never get a better job, the rude guys will likely have a hard time keeping a job too. You need to think about college and your future career, and the misery could even fade if you joined in clubs and showed how talented and kind a person you are.
     
  13. Jake Leed

    Jake Leed Guest

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2012
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Cambridge, England.
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Family only
    Wow. I had something like that happen to me before. Don't be such a downer. I bet your overdue for some good luck. It'll happen, just wait. You'll see. Fairytales sometimes do come true.
     
  14. Drakey

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2012
    Messages:
    192
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Denver, Colorado
    guys if I was meant for any good luck it already would have happened.
    Aldrick: thanks for the advice. If you knew me, then you would know how hard it is to love myself. I actually really really hate myself. I'd love to join an LGBT group and will try to do so without my parents questioning where I'm going. I really wish I would have joined the youth club downtown, but since I'm no longer a minor I'm not allowed in there anymore.
    Jake Leed: no fairy tales do not come true. I'm sorry to sound harsh, but that's just how life is :/
     
  15. mnguy

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2006
    Messages:
    2,377
    Likes Received:
    450
    Location:
    Mountain hermitage
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hey man, I'm sorry you're going through this again. I'm not trying to be sarcastic, but when you keep a negative attitude, do good things happen? What I mean is you said when you get happy about something good happening, it turns out bad so I was wondering if the opposite happens? If so, don't get your hopes up and then good things would happen. I hope it works that way for you and good things come your way either way. Hang in there (*hug*)
     
  16. Rice and Pepper

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2012
    Messages:
    162
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Greece
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think the problem is you take things a bit too passively. If life is not the way you want it to be, don't accept it. Don't be sad. Instead be furious and decisive! "My life sucks?! It's just horrible?! I can't take it anymore! I won't accept it! I have to change it RIGHT NOW!" Giving up just like that won't lead you anywhere. Everything will keep on sucking just like it has for all these 18 years and you obviously don't want that.

    Reading your posts I can definitely notice that typical black veil of pessimism many of us have been shrouded into from time to time. I used to have one like that for about 6 months, when I was going through my identity crisis ("Am I gay?" etc). But now I am really glad that I reacted to that horrible situation and took the decision of tackling my sadness head on. Through hours of selfanalysis, I managed to distinguish the root of the problem. Looking back I can tell that my life wasn't awful at all. I used to see it awful, because I didn't have selfconfidence.

    A simple example of your passive approach is what you just said: "if I was meant for any good luck". Don't you make your own luck? If not, then why not? Find the reason. Demand your luck to get better by acting now! Good moments definitely won't come on their own if you keep crying about your "misery". Be the one who has control! Get out there and conquer the world! Bad things will keep on happening, I can assure you about that. But that doesn't mean you are doomed, it means you need to change your perspective in your life. Nothing will turn out absolutely perfect, so start emphasizing on the positive aspects and leave behind all negative ones.

    Seriously, now that I am begining to come out, I am realising how stupid I have been this whole time. I have so many friend that I used to ignore because i was lost in my own deep blackness. I had so many moments of success that I didn't recognise because I thought I was a worthless, good for nothing abnormal gay man. And now I deeply regret for not acting sooner, because I have lost so much precious time of my life, and so many valuable moments to remember.

    My point is this: things don't always turn out the way we won't them to, but there is nothing we can do about that once the have happened. Live your life, live the moment, be happy and have good moments to look back to later on. And in order to do that, be in control! Decide for yourself and act! Having lost a very close family member very recently, I can tell you one thing for sure: this life is all you have, and it's not endless. Therefore, make the most out of it, take advantage of every single moment you have, because if you don't you will surely regret it onwards.

    If you answer again "I will be harsh but blah blah", I will be enraged! It will mean that you haven't taken into consideration anything that I have said. Don't be quick to judge how hard you situation is. All the people above have made great suggestions and they are all trying to help. So respond to their kind intention and act! That's the only way out of your problem!

    Hugs and kisses :kiss: (*hug*)
     
  17. Aldrick

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2012
    Messages:
    2,175
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Virginia
    I know you do, because I've been there. It is SO EASY to sit around wallowing in self-pity and hatred. It's easy to look at our lives, realize the world isn't fair (it isn't), to realize that sometimes things suck really bad (they do). It's easy to fall into the trap of believing that you are powerless to change it, but that is false - you have the ability to change it. That doesn't mean it's easy to change it, there are always difficulties, but the power to change things exists.

    When I was your age (writing that phrase makes me feel insanely old), I was suicidal. I was isolated, alone, I had so much built up hatred of myself, and I just couldn't imagine things getting any better at all. When I tried to envision the future it was horribly bleak. I had so much shit I had to work through just on myself, and now I'm about to turn thirty years old.

    When I look at you at age eighteen, I don't see a horrible bleak future for you. I see a life that is just starting, a life that is filled with boundless opportunities. All you have to be willing to do is stand up and seize them.

    As someone who has been further down the road your currently traveling, I can look back and tell you that it isn't all bad. Yes, you'll have your ups and downs, your setbacks, but you'll also have your moments of success and triumph. But you'll never succeed, you'll never be happy, if you don't pick yourself up and try. You have to fight to be happy.

    Life is difficult at times, it's true, but when you look backward - and you aren't really old enough to be able to do that yet - you'll realize that every struggle you faced was worth it. It makes you stronger. Great people are not born, they are forged through hardship, difficulty, and life challenges.

    Your future is just now opening up before you. Take charge of it, and I promise you one day you're going to look back at this moment, and realize that it really wasn't as bad as you thought at the time.

    You may not understand it right now, you may not believe me, but trust me - someday - you will.

    Join an LGBT group, volunteer, do something. You won't regret it. (*hug*)
     
  18. Drakey

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2012
    Messages:
    192
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Denver, Colorado
    yeah you guys pretty much said it all :/ you're right about everything