So i'm sitting here watching a drama movie watching my life flyby. It really sucks when you are financially dependent on your parents and from past experiences know your parents will now accept you. It will be at least 2 more years until I can have a long-term relationship. I still think back to when I have my second boyfriend and long for those days, those were the only months that I was at rest and not fighting myself. I can't wait for those days again. The only problem is that I think I have a crush on my best friend, I am still trying to get over him but I just can't. Nothing I do can make me get over him. Any suggestions on how to go forward? continue being single for 2 more years, or express myself?
yea, 2 times. both when we were dunk. he got REALLY both times! he touched my you know what after having a jar of vodka. I asked him about it afterward when we were dunk again he said he remembers everything even after he denied knowing a thing when he was sober. any thoughts on that?
Well I was going to ask if he was encouraging your feelings, but I guess that settles that. In the sense that it doesn't, at all. Ultimately, you could probably take this any number of directions, especially since it's happened more than once. But when making any decisions about your friend, I would think of the situation in terms of what it currently is, not what it might be - in other words, are you okay with him hitting on you and getting affectionate only when he's drunk? It sounds like he's apprehensive about mentioning this when he's sober, so the likelihood of it turning into something else is, perhaps, low. It could, I suppose, but I wouldn't invest in him expecting him to change. If you want to invest in him emotionally, do it expecting him to stay the same; and if that's not something you want, then don't invest in him. As for your family/parents - the situation is a tough one. like you said, you've gotten confirmation that it wouldn't go very well if you tried to push that again, so while you're dependent on them, it may not be the best idea, as much as that stinks. Question: if something did develop with your friend, or with someone else, how would you expect the situation to work out?
Wow... I'm not sure what to say about that, I have no experience with drinking. You could try to talk about your whole situation, while he's sober, and not mention the times when you were both drunk. As far as I know, if he honestly forgot something that happened when he was drunk, getting drunk again couldn't possibly make him remember it. But if he wants to pretend nothing happened, then I guess for now you have to let him pretend.
Thankyou for all the advice you have given my Gravity. It's helped me I don't want to invest, but I have already for 3 years. I am trying to move on, but it's impossible. Like I can't get over him(NOT in a stalker way), that's how attached I am. I think it's the same way on his side. i don't know what to do. Iv'e been internally crying for 2 weeks now, it really sucks . It's going to take along time to get over him. Any ideas on how to move on while still being in the closet?
I'm glad to hear it's helped. Internally crying for two weeks does sound pretty bad. Moving on is tough, but honestly I don't think being in the closet will make much of a difference - moving on is moving on, no matter where you, yourself, are in life. There are always some basics - don't keep things around that remind you of him, don't keep in contact with him, and so forth. In this case it's a little more complicated because he's a friend, but I think the same basic rules apply here. Maybe you won't be cutting ties with him, but get rid of all the reminders you can. Try hiding his posts on Facebook. If you don't want to get rid of his number in your phone, try changing the name to something else, maybe something that will make you laugh. If you have anything at your place that reminds you of him, get rid of it. Replace it if you have to but don't keep mementos around. Try not to spend time with him, at least for a little while (like a couple months). Or if you do have to spend time with him, set some really clear boundaries for yourself. For example, this seems to happen when drinking with him, so don't drink with him anymore. If you really get caught in a situation, like you're out somewhere with a bunch of people and he orders something, then just don't order anything to drink yourself and exit as soon as it's polite. The big thing is not to give yourself any "triggers." Sticking around someone and letting yourself be reminded of things about him all the time makes it impossible to get over him - the less reminders and triggers you give yourself, the better. And the more choices you make for yourself (not being around him, not drinking with him, etc.), the better it will go: you won't be putting yourself in awkward positions anymore, and you'll feel better because you'll be taking charge of things and giving yourself more control over the situation. Let me know if this helps or sounds good. I have some other things to try but the info isn't at hand right now - I can look it up if you like though. Good luck!
I wish that worked Gravity. Hiding posts in facebook and change the name into something funny i don't think it'll get you anywhere, to be honest. If you don't cut all the ties with him i'm afraid that you'll never get over him. I've tried almost everything you said in your post, and it just didn't work. I guess it's different with everyone. I changed the name, i removed him from "Close friends" and even ignored him IRL, didn't pick up his calls, tried to completely forget about him and stuff but it just didn't work because as soon as he found me and confronted me about why i didn't wave back at him or won't reply to him on facebook and texts, i didn't even know what to answer. I said something like "because i dont like you anymore". He was like "c'mon..you know i love you " and i was like "that's fine but i dont feel the same way about you (ofcourse i was lying) and he replied "it's okay, i still love you anyway" and then hugged me and put his head leaning on my chest. I know he means it in a friendly way but still melted my heart, and it all came back again. I wish i could find a way to get over him, i've tried pretty much everything, it just doesn't work. So i'm just trying to keep a healthy friendship with him, if that's even possible and put my feelings aside.
[/COLOR] I'm not out to him soberly. I did however basically come out to him when we were drunk. Gosh we acted like a couple at one point. I'm studying and don't have a job, but he does. He used to pay for alot of my food I never took advantage of it, i always offered to pay first. And he even said we were acting like a couple. It think he trying to find ways to make himself straight like joking about gays. I called him out and he was dead silent and did no know what to say. Never got that kind of response out of him.
Well that's over with. He said, in a other topic convo, gays are alright. they just shouldn't involve him in any sort of way. This was the same guy who touched my d@$%(drunk) and told me he slept with a guy(sober).I think it's time to move on with my life. any thoughts?
He probably is trying to make himself straight by joking about gays. He is also probably really, really confused about himself. Moving on with your life sounds like a good idea.
Well maybe you got this the wrong way...he meant it in a friendly way..it's not like he says that exclusively to me...but to most of his friends anyway. It's kind of a bit different with me...he's way more touchy, or at least was a few days back..now he's just distant. Well i really don't know, one day he's so affectionate, the other just cold...meh! This is the very first time i'm so confused and can't tell whether he's really gay or bi or curious or whatever the label you want...and this has been going on for more than 2 years and only getting worse instead of the opposite.. and i can't even tell him i'm gay because he acts homophobic most of the time but still touch my you know what and my butt, interlocks his fingers with mine sometimes and the list goes on but still gets grossed over two guys kissing (on a tv series) and stuff..I REALLY want to, but i don't at the same time, lol.
Does that mean horribly homophobic, or is he just another guy who acts a bit homophobic because that's what he sees around him and he doesn't know any better? Does he know anyone else who's gay? Often, people choose to become less homophobic as soon as they hear that a close friend or family member is queer.
