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Soo confused!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Chierro, Apr 29, 2012.

  1. Chierro

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    Ok, for some of you who have read my posts before be prepared for another long one, the rest of you... Well you were warned.

    So I, and many of my friends and other people, are convinced my best friend, A, and this other kid, D, are 'gay together.'

    They're always together, granted they have classes together, but whenever I see A in the hallways, 97% of the time D is there too. Now I really don't like D, as I feel he's stealing my best friend, you people who have read my previous posts know what I'm talking about, and he's really...strange. I can get along with D though. But A and D are always, apparently, going over to eachothers houses, which kind of hurts considering A has been over to my house once and I've only been over to his house twice. And when we get into Band, A will leave our section until we start playing to go over and talk with D.

    Now my friend K, who is bi, has also been seeing what I've been seeing. She's int the same section as D in band, like I am with A. Apparenlty one day, she went up to D and just said 'D---- you're so gay.' Now most people in our grade know that K is bi, btw. So D responded, 'At least I'm gayer than you.' Now do you people that's a coming out, or a coming out? Gayer than bi means gay, which makes sense for D, really shows no interest in girls. When he walks by my friend C and I and History he'll run his hand throug out hair. He'll fake hump a guy in a chair, etc.

    Let's talk about A, last year when I came out to A, only a few weeks later A texted me saying I'm bi. It was a definite shock. He told me what guy he had been crushing on, this guy Mike who was new, and A would spend all his free time with Mike, football games, lunch periods, with him and not me, like he is with D lately. A couple months later, summer now, and when I try talking about Mike he just says I realized I'm not bi. So I dismissed it. But A really, REALLY liked Mike. When he couldnt go on vacation with A, well lets just say A was way overly pissed off, and trust me it's hard to console your best friend from Disney. Mike had summer baseball practice so he couldn't go. Anyways, when A said he wasnt bi, i dismissed it, thinking he was either lying or just questioning. Now up to date, I'm starting to think that he was lying and that he actually is bi. And that he has a crush on D, if they're not already together. I mean he's like touch my leg, like at a fecent assembly he was tracing the letters on my sweat pants, and random affectionate stuff like that to me, but I take that as purely brotherly love, since I count A as my brother. But still adds to my thoughts of him actually being bi. When I recently asked him if D was gay, he said he didn't know. I didn't have the nerve to ask him if he was bi.

    So what are you guys' opinions on this? Do you think they're gay/bi? Think they like eachother?

    Three notes:
    -A has admitted to previously having a crush on me, but at least over a year ago.
    -If they are together, then I'll defintely be a whole lot less jealous than I am over D always being with A
    -A is the only person in this that knows that I am bi
     
  2. Pret Allez

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    Hey, not to be a jerk, but sometimes you switch the people you are talking about too much so that it's a little ambiguous who "he" refers to sometimes.

    First, I just wanted to say sorry that your best friend isn't giving you the attention you need right now. I have been through that, and it's confusing and frustrating. I think you'll get through it and always stay friends, but this is definitely kind of a rough patch.

    Now, I think that the following is going on: A is bisexual, D is gay or a strongly-gay leaning bisexual, and A and D are in a relationship. My reasoning for this is that when people get into relationships, especially when they are young or it's their first relationship, they kind of disappear off the face of the planet. I actually struggled with this kind of crap with a friend I had in college. We'd hang out regularly and stuff, and bam, he got a girlfriend. I didn't see very much of him that year, and when I did see him, it wasn't all that fun to be around him, because he was always preoccupied that he was "neglecting" or would be seen to be neglecting his girlfriend. I felt the opposite way of course: I thought he was neglecting me, and indeed, everyone else except his girlfriend.

    I think it's a natural part of adolescent development (and let's face it, the first two years of college is just adolescence without parental supervision).

    I am not sure if you want to press A harder or what, but I think A is kind of hiding the relationship because he feels there's competition from you, which is why he's sort of being distant.

    I would just say something like "hey, can we hang out more?"
     
  3. Chierro

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    Sorry, ik I jump around a lot. I was basically just letting whatever I thought just flow out.

    I don't get what you mean by 'he feels there's competition from you.'

    And lately I have been trying, Ik D wasn't going to be at school on Friday, so I asked him if he wanted to sit together during a two hour assembly, which he said ok too. Today I asked him if he wanted to sleepover during Finals Week so that we could study together, but his parents wouldn't allow that, so I brought up just coming over and studying anyways. Apparently earlier this week he had asked his mom if i could come over since my sister had to go over to his house to work on something with his sister.

    Every extracurricular I've done this year was because of him, lit mag, bowling, etc. And it has somewhat brought us closer.
     
    #3 Chierro, Apr 29, 2012
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  4. Pret Allez

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    Well maybe when I was reading I got lost with who you were talking about, but it kinda sounds like A knows you're bi and A said he's bi (but then retracted, which is bs, but whatever). I think A is in love with or at least infatuated with D, and I think it's quite possible they are in a quasi-relationship or a friends with benefits arrangement. I was just trying to convey that if that's happening, it's possible that he wants to keep a certain distance at least for the time being.

    What I am saying could also just as easily by a bunch of crap.

    But I hope that they two of you (A and you that is), have a good bromance through high school. ^^
     
  5. Chierro

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    That made me laugh and smile a little haha.

    And the situation was: I came out to A, a couple weeks later after school he came out to me, a couple months aftere that he retracted and said that he's straight.
     
  6. Pret Allez

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    Certainly, I am not him, but it sounds kind of like a requestioning. Here's my life story:

    1) Questioning: I am not straight; what am I?
    2) I am bisexual. Come out to friends and family.
    3) Requestioning: I think I am straight.
    4) Requestioning: I think I am gay.
    5) Resolution: Nope, definitely bisexual.

    So if A and I are anything alike, he's probably just feeling the pressure and shame and desperately wants to retract his coming out.

    But he can't, it's kind of all-in.
     
  7. Chierro

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    It's defintely a possibility. But I wont press him about anything, he'll tell me when and if he wants to