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I think my sister might be a pathological liar

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Bree, Apr 29, 2012.

  1. Bree

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    So. I tend to be the moderator in my friends' and sister's social and relationship problems, because I'm very good at getting a grasp of the whole situation -and how people's minds work- and sorting it out into something that can be addressed. My foster-sister has always had problems admitting the entire truth of situations right from the start, which has a lot of history from her mother, who manipulated and used everyone around her. She will tell me a piece of what happened, and then later elaborate with more information, usually things she's embarrassed to admit to. *Please note that my sister has no history of using people.

    She was fighting with her boyfriend, and he and I left to take the dogs for a walk to take a break from the situation. I had discussed previously with her that I wanted to talk with him about a situation (with a female friend of his) that they keep fighting over, because they weren't getting anywhere and she wasn't sure what else to do. He and I talked about it, and I could understand where he was coming from and what was causing the communication block.

    On the way back, we were laughing about miss-communications and the problems they cause, and I commented on a situation from weeks earlier where she found a condom wrapper and thought he was cheating on her. She had texted me all panicky at like 1:30 am, taken off at about five in the morning, and he'd had to come find her later and explain (he was in the middle of packing to move, there was garbage everywhere) He looked at me blankly. He had no idea what I was talking about! More than that, he could remember what day it was, and said she hadn't left early! I showed him the texts from her, and there was no sign of recognition. WHY would she possibly make up a story like that?

    Later, he commented on her ex-boyfriend cheating on her. I know that there is a possibility that he may have been with another girl- AFTER they'd broken up, when he was trying to get back together with her. There is no confirmation of it, but the details all fit. He (current boyfriend) commented on the ex cheating with "four or five girls" and that two of those were confirmed by the ex himself. He didn't even have four girls around to cheat with! (In this situation, current boyfriend didn't clue in to this being news to me.)

    They've gone off for coffee together, and I'm TERRIFIED that he'll mention it before I can talk to her. If he puts her back up, it will take me days/lots of pain to even get her communicating with me again, let alone trust me, when what I said SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN SOMETHING I HAD TO KEEP SECRET. I know that she often lies instinctively when it's not necessary, but this is extreme! What do I do to make her stop?!
     
  2. Bree

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    Anybody?
     
  3. Aldrick

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    I don't know how to help your sister, but I do know that you can't make anyone do anything they don't want to do.

    Your sister has problems that she needs to work out on her own. You can be there to cheer her on, guide her, encourage her, and to offer advice and support; but you cannot solve her problems for her.
     
  4. Kidd

    Kidd Guest

    I too have a sister who has created drama for me and herself because of compulsive lying. We're working similar internships right now and I was forced to be complicit in a completely insane backstory she made up and gave to one of our mutual bosses. My boss told me about it out of nowhere and even though I knew it was a lie, I just had to play along with it. It caused a ton of tension between my sister and I then and it still is to this day, and that was months ago.

    I've learned that what our siblings do really aren't our problems, no matter how close you are to each other. I'm going to second what Aldrick has said. You can guide her, encourage her, cheer her on, but you cannot be responsible for what she says and does, and you certainly shouldn't enable her. If she gets mad at you for anything you said, just tell her the truth. She's a liar and anything that happens from this is solely her fault for lying to you, period.