I'm sick of being called a pretentious stuck-up dipshit. It's not my fault I don't want to act nor be treated like a freaking kid anymore. I don't care what you say, you annoying adult, I am NOT a kid. There is no definition [in my mind] for the word 'kid'. It is simply a term used by adults to label the younger generation and an excuse to treat us like five-year-olds (in my experience, at least). I don't want to cherish my 'childhood'. It's long gone. Stop telling me that I'm a child and I should enjoy my childhood because I've barely had one and it's no longer in existence. I might only be fourteen, but I've gone through and am aware/know a heck of a lot more than most of my peeres. And seriously, you might think that your words don't affect me. You might think you're not abusing me because you're not hitting me. You might think it's okay to crack gay jokes and genderqueer jokes at the table because "you don't really mean it". But it's not funny, asshole. These words have been eating away at my confidence. That's one of the reasons I don't want to go to band anymore. I don't believe in my ability to continue playing an instrument in front of others. I used to love it. But now, I don't like to be heard when I playing. If I am being overheard, I immediately stop; it's an intrusion of my privacy. Same reason I don't let anyone read any of my writings. I've become a private person, and I much rather prefer it - most of the time. I don't want to be judged. Not from my blood relatives. Strangers' opinions don't matter, and as I slowly break the bonds with my 'family', their opinions aren't mattering much anymore, either. But I'm not a bad person and I don't want to be, but my attitude is getting much worse from being treated like this. The only thing that's keeping me from starting bad and dangerous habits (drugs, smoking, drinking) is my desperate want to leave this country (the US). I want to go to the U.K., where hormone therapy might actually be paid for, where I can get a good education and pursue my dream job(s). (Okay, and Harry Potter. Thank Merlin for J.K. Rowling!) I'm even contemplating running away at this point. I know life on the streets is hard, and dangerous, but sometimes I wonder, "Is it better than being here?" If I had the money, I'd take a one way train as far away as I could, and catch a plane out of this country. I'm sick of being treated like a child and expected to act like an adult. Whenever I try to do something enjoyable, I'm either too busy, don't have the gas to get there (and I'm not allowed to walk there), or I'm just not allowed because "it's too messy" (such as building a fort [in the house]). And then my mother demands respect. If she can't respect my own opinions of religion, music taste, hair style, and life style, then I am not going to respect her. I'll respect my elders, so long as they aren't jerks (for lack of a better word). There are plenty of adults on EC. Any advice? And talking hasn't proved successful yet, because I'm a private person that has a horribly hard time opening up to people I know. And with the lack of money due to obnoxiously high gas prices, there's been no luck on getting to a therapist to solve gender issues (though considering my mother tried to stop me from getting a Mohawk using the excuse that she had a daughter and not a son, I feel like I'm not getting any farther with her on that, which has also greatly lowered my ability to have fun and be comfortable). I feel like if I keep trying to get any farther, I'm going to get kicked out. Or if I get a girlfriend, I might get kicked out. It's hard to tell with my mother, but I think it'd be the most likely thing she'd do. I'm seriously waiting for her to start hitting me, what with the bipolar, depression, and all these other various conditions. I know it's not her fault that she has these. And she's so lacking in being supportive and actually helping, I'm pracitcally being thrown a vicious amount of absolutely nothing. Okay, before I keep going. Please, anyone, if you have any, any possible way I can get through this, it'd be greatly appreciated. P.S. I haven't really got many friends the way it is, and they are literally almost always busy and can never hang out. Thanks.
I'm the same age as you, so I don't have much I can offer for advice... But 1: I empathize thoroughly, though not to that extent and 2: I can offer friendship, though not in person. (And I like Harry Potter.) If you want venting or talking or anything, you can feel free to talk to me. *hugs*
Sounds like me when I was your age, and that really wasn't long ago. I don't really have any advice, but if you ever need to talk, like message me if you want. (*hug*)
As cliché as it might sound, it really does get better. I know how difficult it can be - trust me - but you've got to give it some time. You've got to have some patience, or at least try. Things will get easier as you get older; your parents will treat you more like an adult the closer you get to being one in the eyes of the law. I was exactly where you are, miles ahead of my peers in terms of maturity and mentality. It's extremely frustrating. But you just have to deal with it. What really saved me was meeting an awesome guy that I have now been with for four years. And a best friend for five years that has supported me no matter what. Things will change, new people will come along. You'll figure it all out. See the light at the end of the tunnel. It will get better. I can pretty much promise you that.
