The other day something came up about gays, and my sister said gays should go to jail. So I told her that was unfair because they were humans and should be respected. Then she asked me that if I ever turned gay, would I tell her, and so I said yes, but she said, no you wouldnt. SO I said, well probably not, and then she said, so how long have you known :eek: and I was like what?? and she said sorry, just kidding. And we just changed the subject like that. But then another day, she started talking about a guy in her school thats gay, and started saying how wrong it is and how sad it was, and my mom started talking about how wrong it is, and while my mom was saying all these things, I saw her staring at me, like trying to see my reaction to all these negative things. I just turned away nd didnt comment at all. Im worried she might know, or suspect, cause she (like all my family) is really homophobic. Do you think she knows or suspects anything? what should I do?
It does seem like she suspects it... I wouldn't stop defending people though. If you say things enough your family might understand at least a little more than they do. And if they completely find out or if you come out to them, they should accept the fact and see that it's just how people are. And if they don't, well, then... They're stupid. If you live with them, find somewhere else to be. Of course, this is advice coming from a 14 year old I don't know how helpful this is. My condolences, at least. I have some homophobic farther off family, like redneck uncles and stuff, and that's bad enough. I can't imagine being in such a hurtful environment. *hug*
First off, hugs all around. (*hug*) I know how it feels to have an extremely homophobic family. It does kind of sound like she suspects, though. :/ My family does that around me sometimes, too...they'll say something negative about LGBT people and kinda look at me and expect me to say something, but I don't. As for what you should do, I have a question first. Does your family seem like they'd be really hostile towards you if you were to tell the truth? Will it affect your living situation at all? And would you trust your sister enough to tell her? If they would seem hostile, if it would affect your living situation and you have nowhere else to go, and if you don't trust your sister, then I'd say you have to lay low, unfortunately. I'm in a similar situation and can't afford to jeopardize my current residence, so I'm waiting until I have enough money to move out so I can finally tell people. That maybe what you need to do, but that's just my two cents. I hope you make it through alright. (*hug*)
Thanks for the advice Allegro molto, Im sure they would be hostile if I told them, my mom once got really mad because I said I wasnt disgusted by gay people, just imagine that. So I guess I´ll wait till Im more independent or something. But does this mean I cant have a boyfriend or anything until then??
They both probably know. Mothers, in particular, often have a sixth sense, and the "just kidding" was a convenient way to get out of the situation without forcing your hand. Likely as not, the rather strong reactions you're having are part of the "anger" phase of the 5 stages (denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance)... at some level they know you're gay, and don't want you to be gay, so, perhaps unconsciously, but judging it harshly, they're hoping that maybe it isn't true. Honestly, I'd say it's probably time to think about coming out. It won't be delightful for the first little while, but I think the cat is really already out of the bag, and perhaps the sooner you directly address it, the sooner everyone can come to terms and be OK with it... which will make it much easier for you to have a boyfriend. (Sneaking around sucks, and, additionally, it ends up creating a huge wall between you and your family, which they will notice, and which will likely suck.) Of course, you're the only one that can know for sure. From what you've said here and in a few other posts, I don't think they'll exactly throw you a party and buy you pink pumps and a tiara, but I also don't think they'll go ballistic other than perhaps an initial blow-up that might last 48 hours. And likely as not, that's going to happen whether you do it this week or next year. So what it boils down to is, how important is it for you to be able to start living authentically with your family and among others. If that's less important than keeping the family peace, then you can wait. But if it's getting increasingly more difficult, I'd think about just grabbing the moment and coming out.
I'd say do whatever's safe, but if I felt safe enough, I sure would say "So you think I should go to jail too? I'm glad I have such a loving sister." And if her response was anything other than to break down crying at "how could I be like this???", she's not even a human being...
I would say they suspect it, especially your sister. But they may be very in denial. My family is very Christian and very against homosexuality and things like your situation have come up. Especially the past year. My family never mentioned gay subjects until people told or asked them if I was gay. Now I hear random comments here and there about "if I had a gay son.." or whatever. Mom caught my younger brother watching gay porn and she totally assumes he is straight... Extreme denial. Your family could be just like that. I have heard it and read somewhere on these forums that it is proven that comments about "If my son was gay..." and stuff like that usually only happen when people actually suspect or subconsciously believe their kid is gay. It really is like a 6th sense for mothers. And I totally feel for you. My mom came in one day and told me a story about how this guy we knew at church ran off and rumor was he found a boyfriend and moved and she kept saying how hard it must be to be gay and know that it is wrong and not be able to be yourself. This was the first time she ever showed any sympathy. I knew she suspected (her friend told her he's sure I'm gay) and was just fishing for an emotional response from me. She didn't get one.
