Overthinking?

For awhile I stopped visiting this site, partly overwhelmed with the feeling of being a 'lurker' and unable to be really helpful to anyone here but since then I did come out to two people in person: a friend of mine [unfortunately the only one I have in real life at the moment] and my mother. While my friend was fine, it was naturally more of a surprise to my mother, particularly since, as she'd pointed out herself, I hadn't any relationships with anyone. Still, overall I'd say she's supportive, she had spoken with a close co-worker of hers about this and suggested I may want to get in touch with a friend of her's [the coworker's] who is gay if I wanted to talk.

So I guess it's an accomplishment, since these two are the people most present in my life at the moment, however that aside I still feel uncertain and insecure at times with what I believe my sexuality to be. Apart from the aforementioned coming(s?) out, I haven't made any further progress, I feel, in this [or in any other area of my life for that matter.]

There are moments where I feel pretty confident and am fairly calm, but then I start wondering whether I'm interested in women or not [at this point, I think I've accepted my attraction to men and desire for a same-sex relationship, though apprehensive at taking active steps to accomplishing that] since I find them attractive but don't believe I feel a desire to sleep with or have a relationship with one. Yet I occasionally watch porn involving women and even when I try to understand there may be certain reasons I check it out, I worry it seems as though I'm in denial. I hate these feelings of confusion, because they aren't constant or consistent, temporarily turning the issue of my sexuality into a moving target with dissonant thoughts.

Apologies for the rambling, my only hope is that these insecurities and doubts will disappear once I break out of my, currently, hermetic lifestyle.

 

Thanks.

Of course I'm aware there's nothing wrong with being unsure, since most of us are at that stage at some point. What bothers me is that I'm not always unsure. Granted, everything I think and feel at the moment is based more-or-less on soul searching, but as I mentioned, there are moments where I feel fairly certain I'm gay. However, since I've not put myself out there or moved forward at all, it allows the doubt to come back.

 

Well, it's how I think I feel about half the population, but still feels largely hypothetical at the moment. I just know I don't find men unattractive. (Haha.) As far as coming out, I did it sooner than I personally would have wished, as it'd be kind of hard to actually go further without my mother noticing something's up.

Thanks, though if I could transfer my thoughts directly into posts I'd sound far more neurotic, I think. I'm just hoping it's taking more time for self-acceptance due to the circumstances than my doubts having any validity.