so many of you already know, but in case you don't, I left an ex-gay group called Courage back in January and I've been working steadily towards self-acceptance and love. I've come out to half of my family and most of my friends. I've had very close friends tell me that they hope I never have children, I've had other friends tell me that if I really abandon Church teaching as regards homosexuality, they'll be friendly if they run into me but they won't ever spend time with me on purpose anymore. I've lost and gained a lot, and most of all I'm happier. But I'm still really struggling with my faith. I love the Church, and sometimes when I am there, I can sense that Jesus is telling me, I still belong to the Eucharist, I'm still His, and He loves me exactly as I am - He made me good, and I don't have to change for Him to love me, because God's love really is unconditional. At the same time, I don't feel completely safe in my parish anymore, because while many people are supportive many are not, and I'm specifically excluded from working in catechism or children's liturgy or anything that involves teaching the faith. which makes me feel really excluded, because I'm good at working with kids and it feels like they are throwing out half of my talents, just because I'm gay. so I visited a UU Fellowship (again) and they are great, they are loving and welcoming. but something is missing, every time I'm there I just really wish it was more Christ-centered. so I have a friend who pastors another church locally, a "liberal" Christian church, and so I contacted him and told him I'm gay and that I'm struggling with my faith. so we met and talked, and he said he thinks I have issues with my dad that I need healing around, and suggested I try this healing prayer meeting type thing they do in his church. and I was actually buying it, thinking, sure, I'll give it a shot. what if it works? WTF is wrong with me? I'm in tears right now. of course I can't go. I won't put myself through that anymore. It's not going to take someone praying over me, the right words or intentions, to make me straight, because NOTHING will make me straight, because GOD made me gay and there's nothing wrong with it! but at the same time what if he's right? what if this is the one rock I left unturned, and it's the one that could help me? he's right, I have issues with my dad - but what girl doesn't, honestly? and what do my issues with my dad have to do with my being gay? my little sister has issues with her dad and appears to be very promiscuously straight, and my cousin has an awesome father and she is a lesbian like me, so I don't see how trying to heal whatever issues I might still have with my dad would help... but if I don't go through with it, am I going to lose another friend? will he respect me still, if I say I don't want to spend any more time trying to "heal" or "fix" my sexual attractions? If I say that's not what I'm looking for? I just want a community where I can be myself, be open, and worship Christ every week, and be a part of the community completely - with the kids, in catechism, in choir, in service projects, etc - without having to hide or be ashamed of who I am or who I love. Is that really so much to ask?
If this pastor is trying to "fix" your sexuality, don't go anywhere near him, but if you think he just wants to help you with your issues with your dad because he thinks that's why you're struggling, then go for it. I still believe in God and Jesus, but I left Catholicism largely because of the Catholic view of homosexuality and the like. If there were a liberal Church near me, I would seriously consider going. And NOTHING is wrong with you. You are being yourself without being close-minded and ignorant. That's a lot more than some of the people you just mentioned can claim.
he was talking about the why behind the rules in Leviticus and etc. his interpretation of scripture actually sounded really Catholic, though I think he would be offended if I told him as much I know I'm really just whining. I am just so sick of people trying to change me, and me just going along with it. I'm not going. I need to find something else to be doing Wednesday evening, something "important" that I can report I was doing instead. and then I'll just attempt to let the subject drop. I heard there was an LGBT positive church somewhere in town but I wonder how I would suss it out without having to visit every church in town and go through rejection after rejection just to find the one that will be accepting :/
