I have no idea what my feelings are towards boys or girls. I've felt confused about my sexuality for more than two years and I really want to figure out how I feel, one way or another. I'm on an exchange year away from home and I'm feeling slightly more daring than normal (not that that's hard). I'm really tempted to turn up to one of the events that the college LGBT group is organising. Half of me wants to see what it's like, the other half thinks I'm mad to even consider it. The next event is this Friday and it's a talk about gender norms and stereotyping (which I would find interesting anyway) and an optional party afterwards. I wouldn't know anybody there though and I haven't quite got to grips with the (foreign) language yet. And I don't know what to say if someone asks me about my sexuality or why I'm there. I don't like lying (and I'm very bad at it) but I don't even know the answer to that question myself and I'm not sure I'm ready to tell anyone that. Can you go to LGBT club events without being at all sure? This post is probably pointless. I'll definitely chicken out before Friday. Besides it's way too short notice -I'd need at least a few weeks to get in all the stressing out that I'd need to do!
I think you should just go and be yourself, questions and all. Almost everyone in the LGBT groups will know what it's like to be questioning, so no need to be awkward. You never know, you might have fun
One and half years ago, I couldn't stop myself to go the very first meeting of the brand-new LGBT club in the university. I was questioning myself at that time (almost a year before I accept myself as a gay) and I was very, very nervous and unsure about attending. I thought as if everyone would understood that I was gay :eusa_liar (how could it be even I wasn't sure? ) or as you said, I didn't know what to say if anyone asked me if I was gay, too. Well, I attended the meeting with some close girl friends, the reason (for me, also a cover ) is to show our support one of my friends who had just come out to us. Even I talked! (!) Actually, because it was the first meeting, there class was very crowded with full of curious people about the club, so nobody suspected me :icon_bigg The funny thing is that; on my road to the meeting, I bought a notebook and guess what?! The cover was so vivid and colorful that I was actually carrying my rainbow flag! Awwwww! Can you imagine this happens as you're so afraid of being understood? :eek: Fortunately, when we realized just before we entered the class, we burst into laughing for a couple of minutes - and hid it (It's a bit out of topic, but... ) Then, to return to the main topic: I think you must go, because if not, then you will be thinking that why you wouldn't! Moreover, a LGBT club doesn't (and mustn't) consist of only LGBT's, there are heterosexual members as allies, too - so nobody can claim you are gay or bi just because you join them. That talk could attract anyone who are interested the topic. And if you're asked whether you're a LGBT and if you pluck up courage somehow, you can tell that you're questioning and they can help you. A different point of view is always better :icon_wink If you're not in the mood, just say you are interested in the topic or you are here because you support LGBT rights, maybe not so honest but at least, not wrong and makes you comfortable.
Go for it; you can always leave if you're feeling intimidated. You could listen to the talk but skip the party. You'll be okay.
This is a mixture between a follow-up post and an oh-help-I'm-panicking-again post. I've been debating whether or not to post this, but I figured I might as well tell you guys this, since it's the only step I've actually taken. Sorry if it turns out to be too long. I did end up going to the LGBT club, I've been three times so far. I wasn't expecting to be as scared as I was the first time. I mean obviously I knew I was going to be nervous but I don't think I'd realised the extent. The first time I went I only got myself there by convincing myself that I wasn't actually going to go in, I'd planned to just find the building, take a peek at people going in and figure out if I could convince myself to go the next week. By the time I eventually found the building I figured that since I'd got that far I might as well give it a try, although I still had to walk around the block for a while convincing myself to go in. I was unbelievably nervous for the first half hour or so. As in I couldn't speak, was shaking a bit and the chair I ended up leaning on was probably the only thing that kept me standing. At the end of the night I did end up talking a bit though. I was a complete disastrous, stuttering wreck but I did manage to tell one girl that I was questioning. Which I'd never actually done before. The LGBT club that I ended up joining was actually not the college club that I'd originally intended to go to. Apparently, the first day was a mixture of different LGBT clubs, and since the youth group in whose building the meeting place took place were friendly and seemed small enough to get to know people I just kept going to their meetings. The second week I went almost nobody else turned up. It ended up really good fun though, three of us ended up getting a picknick and just hanging out in the park and chatting. It was just sort of relaxing, especially since the conversation never really went anywhere too scary (here read; noone asked me about girlfriends or whether I'm out or my sexuality). I still didn't say much, but I have a bit of a language barrier here anyway. The third time I went they'd arranged for everyone to go out and eat together. And that was just awkward. I'm really not good at social stuff and I seriously proved it. For some reason the average age that night was much lower than the last times. And I found that really weird. I suppose I sort of felt a bit ashamed about still not having figured out my sexuality at 20, and being surrounded by 14 to 16 year olds who have. (There were girls older than me, but they were in the minority). What I'm wondering is this; is it strange that I'm still a complete mess every Friday that I decide to go? Because all the times I've gone so far I've been a nervous wreck for the entire day before the meetings. Including today. I mean it's hours before the meeting and I already have numb hands and feel shaky and near tears. Do you think I'm pushing myself too fast and I should just stop going? (Although when term finishes in just over a month I'll have to go home and there is nothing like the equivalent of an LGBT club there). I'm also wondering if I should give the college club a try instead. Both the youth group and the college club are meeting tonight. I'd be more likely to meet people my own age if I went to the college club, but I don't know if I'm feeling brave enough right now to meet a whole new group of people. And I kinda feel a bit safer in the youth group, a bit more, um, hidden, since they're not connected to the college. The college group seems a bit wilder too. Any thoughts? (I probably left it a bit late to ask though).
