So, I have issues: daddy-issues and just issues. They're not exactly small issues, either. I was psychologically abused from a very young age; the first time I tried to kill myself, I was six years old. Like I said; issues. I was raised to fear and hate men. I was brainwashed into thinking that if I so much smiled at a man I would end up being kidnapped, raped, and murdered. Or, locked in a basement for the rest of my life to be raped every day. Or that I would be sold into sex-slavery. Then, I found out that my dad would watch porn while I was in the house (almost exclusively when I was in the house). Then I realized that he was taking my shorts off of me while I was sleeping, and doing God knows what else. For a long time, I was convinced that he was somehow drugging me and then raping me in my sleep (according to Google, you can sleep through it). I no longer live with my dad, and I'm doing much better, but still... Suffice it to say, I have issues with men. I'm past the hatred, but I just can't fully trust them... When I see a man walking down the street toward me, I panic and I'm filled with adrenaline-inducing fear. I'm pretty sure that this fear and lack of trust contributed to my decision to not EVER have sex (with a guy). What I'm concerned about is this: I like being bisexual, but I'm afraid that if I deal with all of my issues with men, I'll change and I'll be straight. I don't want to carry around all these issues, but I've done it for 18 years, and I think I could do it forever, but I'd rather not. Basically, do you think that if I deal with my daddy-issues and my trust/fear issues with men, it will change my sexual orientation? Don't tell me what (you think) I want to hear, please. I come to you guys when I want nothing but the hot fire of truth. Also, feel free to offer comments and advice on the other stuff, as long as you give an opinion about the question underlined and in bold!!!
You obviously have some serious issues to work out. As for your question, I can certainly imagine that sort of trauma messing with your head and especially your sexual attraction. It's sort of like when someone is raised in an extremely homophobic household and learns to hate themselves for being gay, so they force themselves to be straight. I'd say it's entirely possible that you could be just about anything. Your sexual orientation won't "change", you'd just be becoming more accepting of what you are, whatever that may be.
That is hard to say but I think if you are really attracted to women as well then that is something that won't change. It could be very possible that you would be more open to be attracted to men and maybe more to men than women but there's no way you can just forget those old feelings for women (and against men). Honestly, I think that will be a lifelong struggle to deal with and those negative feelings most likely will never fully disappear. I'm no expert though so I am just saying what I think.
From my (limited) knowledge of sexual abuse in women, the issues are fairly similar to sexually abused men: As BZ4591 said, if you have a genuine attraction to women, that's unlikely to change with therapy. What will happen is the projection of the experiences you've had with your dad onto other men will be reduced or eliminated with good therapy... so you might be better able to connect to men, but it should not affect how you feel toward women.
Yeah, this is all I was going to put... if anything, I think your past would make you have an aversion to men, but not necessarily an attraction to women.
Thank you all. That makes me very hopeful. And just the fact that at least four more people know my story makes it a little easier. It lightens the burden of having to carry all the trauma around all the time. Thank you.
My question back would be 'What difference does it make?' Do you like being bisexual so much that you'd rather be bisexual than to be free from the anxiety and fear that you're still gripped with? If you were to start into therapy and start to heal yourself and found that the attraction to women started to fade, wouldn't that simply mean that you were starting to be who you were really meant to be? It's exactly the same as us telling 'newbies' here that if they can let go of the fear and stigma they'll be able to feel comfortable being who they were intended to be. And we tell them that because that, in the long run, is going to allow them to be truly happy. So I wouldn't want you to carry around all this pain just to maintain your attraction to women, even if that's what was necessary. And I'm also of the belief that it isn't necessary. You'll likely still be attracted to women.
