A girl asked me out...

Don't feel too bad about saying yes, I've been there before. A friend of mine asked me out and after a period of internal turmoil I said yes because I didn't want to, or know how to let her down. Mind you that I was fully conscious of my sexuality at the time but I tried to make the excuse that "maybe I'm bi..."

Well let me tell you, I was not bi and I ended up hurting her far worse than I would have if I had just said no. I eventually had to break it off and I definitely couldn't just tell her that it was because I was gay so our break-up was...less than ideal. Yes you are leading her on, no everything will not work out well. My advice is to end it and end it now because the longer you let her think that there's something between you two, the more it'll hurt her in the end. Now this might be a hard thing to do and things might get rough but it's the only way to prevent more injury on her part. The sooner the better.

Now I'm so sorry but I have no idea how you would let her down smoothly after JUST agreeing to go out. One option could be coming out to her and trying to explain the whole situation but I doubt that will end well either. I imagine she'd still feel deceived and betrayed anyway and this is only assuming that you're ready to be out of the closet.

Main message is that you need to stop this from going any further immediately. How to do that...well I'm sorry I don't know but I hope everything works out for you (*hug*)

 

That was definitely a mistake. I think you should head this off at the pass now with "Hey, thanks for coming to dinner with me. It's been really fun and I think you're a wonderful friend. Earlier, I felt too uncomfortable to say that I am gay, and so I don't quite feel the same way. I hope that we can still be friends though."

 

Similar situation for me........ accept I asked a girl out.... After trying to deny my sexuality for the better part of 10 years (yeah, I mean 10), I finally come to accept it. Next thing you know, I actually meet a girl that I like, alot, as more than a friend.

I dunno why the hell I did it, but it's just screwing around with my head too much. This is the first girl I've dated and actually wasn't trying to use as a cover up to hide from the truth. And my mind cringes every time I think about the fact that she's a girl, because I've never actually saw myself with one in a serious relationship.

Well, anyways, basically, you just gotta do what you gotta do... That's awful advice... Er, well I guess you'll have to tell her eventually if you don't wanna be in it, you know?... Lemme just stop, 'cause I don't think i'm gettin anywhere...

 

You are definitely leading her on.

Come out to her and tell her she's so wonderful, you thought that if you could ever make it work with a girl, it would be her, but it just won't work. She deserves to have a boyfriend who can return her feelings. It would mean a lot to you if you could still go to the prom together as friends--her friendship really means a lot to you. Stress that you wish you could make it work--she's such a great person, you know it would be great to be in a relationship with her.

When you come out to her, make sure she knows that you are telling her something about yourself that you share with very few people--you are trusting her.

She'll be okay.

 

Not to rehash everything- But DEF not a good plan!

I took a girl to my Grade 11 Semi-formal and she kissed me and basically became crazy about me.. I feel so bad still to this day because I know shes spent countless nights crying over me..

 

I think you just have to build up a little bit of courage to come out to her. If she really likes you (she asked you out, so...), then, if you let her know you don't want her to tell anyone then she won't. Girls almost always try to please who they like, straight or gay.

And trust me -- it won't be as bad as you think. Coming out isn't so scary as it seems, society just makes it seem that way. But truly, it's just saying the words "I'm gay," and usually your friend (if they're not homophobic, usually friends understand) says, "Oh, okay. You like guys. That's cool." And that's it, really.

Don't let fear bring you down. Whether you're scared or not, just do it. Be brave. You can do it.

Good luck, keep us updated. xx

 

I don't think you have to come out to her as gay unless you want too. It depends on how big of a crush she has on you, and how things will work out.

You can tell her that you really like her, and that you were excited about the date. You wanted to say yes, and would love to go out with her. But then you started thinking about the friendship you both have together, and you started to worry about what happens if things don't work out. You can tell her how valuable to you she is as a friend, and how you're afraid to jeopardize any of that.

You can even tell her that you'd still like to go out with her, but just as friends.

If she pushes the issue, asking why, tell her that you're afraid that you might end up hurting her. That you care for her too much to do that, and you believe she deserves the right to find a guy who can treat her the way she ought to be treated.

Make sure, as you tell her, that she understands that this is all about you and has nothing to do with her. None of the above is really untrue; it's just leaving out the underlying reason why you can't date her: you're gay. It won't work out because you're gay, and it's just going to end badly as a result. You want to save your friendship and spare her the pain.

I understand your desire to ensure that you go to the prom with her - you don't want her backing out. Hopefully she won't do that, but I do think it might be too much like leading her on if you take her to prom before telling her you have no interest in pursuing things with her beyond friendship.

However, if you feel comfortable coming out to her then you definitely should. That would make it much easier on both of you. Although, if you don't feel comfortable with coming out to her, or think she'll run and tell other people (and you aren't ready for that); then you are under no obligation to tell her that you are gay.

The only thing you're obligated to do is not lead her on; to let her believe that something can happen between the both of you when you know it can't.

 

I think you should tell her you're gay because if you don't you're just going to be leading her on, and that's only going to hurt her in the end. If you come out to her then she won't be heart broken about you two not being together because shell know its not anything wrong with her.

 

I agree that you do not have to come out to her, however I think it would probably be easier in both the short and the long term if you did. Unless of course you don't trust her to keep it quiet or think she may be underlying homophobic.

Whatever way you go about it avoiding hurting her is for the best and she will just get hurt if you wait

 

As long as she's not asking you to be in a relationship with her, it's all good. You can go out with a friend without it leading to a relationship. Let's think of some ways you could possible 'friend-zone' her, I know that sounds mean, but it's probably the best option without telling her that you're gay. Say to her that you really like being friends with her you see her as a family member or sister.

I once had a best friend that fell in love with me somewhat and I made it clear that I valued her friendship too much and wouldn't want to jeopardise it. We're still best friends to this day, no hearts broken.

You could also insinuate that you're not ready for a relationship. I really hope this helps. Good luck !