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How To Move On and Let Go

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Kev, May 3, 2012.

  1. Kev

    Kev
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    I have a problem where I constantly dwell on things that have happened to me in the past. Big things, little things, things that are so minuscule no one sane would remember.

    I'm basically just looking for advice on how to move on and look forward to the future instead of always focusing on the past. It's gotten to the point where I feel as though I'm not planning for the future and it's making me pessimistic and unhappy.
     
  2. Pain

    Pain Guest

    It might feel silly, but think happy thoughts! Really, I think some of the same things... small things that don't matter to anyone else, and nobody else would even remember... Big things that can ruin a day.... Think like Fraulein Maria in the Sound of Music: "...I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don't feel------ So bad!" Think about things you can be doing that would be fun, that would keep you busy-- anything like that :grin: I hope you can get past them. (*hug*)
    But they always will creep back... Put on your favorite show, talk to someone you usually don't anymore... It's tough, but it can be done! Don't let those bad things rule your live :slight_smile: YOU rule your life, right? :thumbsup:
     
  3. Farouche

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    When you catch yourself dwelling on something that no longer matters, do something to bring your mind to the present. For example, look outside and see what the weather is like, do three push-ups, check out what your pet is doing, or close your eyes for a few seconds and count how many different noises you can hear around you.

    From there, hopefully you can move on to the immediate future, and then to more long-term plans.

    Let me know if this works.
     
  4. TyRawr

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    Change happens when the discomfort of how things are become greater then the fear of change. It sounds like you are close :slight_smile:

    Perhaps you can look at why you cling to those things, are you at a loss of something? Is it contole, or lack there of?

    Find the issue and face it, instead of "moving on"
    It sounds to me like something based in shame, which holds two masks:
    You are not enough (smart enough, tall enough, thin enough, straight enough, pretty enough, ect) and Who do you think you are (I know your dad never loved you, I know you dont believe what you tell people, I know you lied about this, I know you are a bad person)
    Perhaps when you are able to come from a place of love, and love yourself, then you will move on from those things :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 3rd May 2012 at 09:07 PM ----------

    The only thing about shame though is if you ignore it, it only gets stronger.
     
  5. NickD

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    It would help to know the exact circumstance. For instance, my mom was an alcoholic and attended a couple of events drunk (like a middle school awards ceremony and a cotillion graduation). The only way I could move on was to tell her about how much her actions at these events hurt me, how I lost faith in her. Although it was harsh, her knowledge of this has made our relationship so strong that she is my number one ally to rely on in my coming out process.

    Even if you don't have the luxury of directly confronting the object of your unhappiness, just admitting to yourself what makes you unhappy is huge. From there true healing takes place.

    Listen to what Tyler is saying too. He is giving some solid advice.