Ok so here it goes. I have looked through this site a little and first off I think it is excellent, The number of threads speaks for itself. That aside I'll get to talking about my state. I notice the word confused a lot around here, if emptyclosests.com had been taken I think you could've taken confused.com. So heres where in confusion I am. I honestly, if I was going to use a label, believe I am straight(male, between 25-30). I've always liked girls, I actually have many memories of kissing girls back when I was in kindergarten and even earlier, just little cute stuff like kids do. I love women, I love being around women, all of my 5 senses appreciate women very much. Emotionally and physically they arouse me. For example: of course, I am a typical guy and at least once a day I will see a woman and give her the ol assessment we all know, in my head I say, "Hey theres a cute girl, oh nice eyes, nice skin nice smile nice"....well I could go on. I also with a little less frequency but still often will fall totally stupid in love with a random girl, maybe at a checkout counter or at work, school etc. The right smile and a seeming genuiness and I might think about a totally random girl for at least the rest of the day. I have talked to a couple gay guys as friends and I can't really remember how the convo started but I have heard them basically say, "girls are icky." Gay guys love the word icky btw they always pick that particular word. Thats a joke but in my experience is true. So this makes me say, ok I am not gay because of the extent to which I find women to be so very un-icky. I also could never ever ever kiss, ie., make out with a guy. That just sounds so repulsive. I also have no desire whatsoever to have any kind of ongoing intimate relationship with another man. I do though have a few fantasys about guys, that seem to strike me every couple of months or so. Nothing weird, they're actually kind of boring really. I'm extremely picky about who I am attracted to, and what triggers said attraction is frankly a mystery to me. I have never seen a guy with his shirt off and said "ooo, hey I am glad hes not wearing a shirt because I like what I'm seeing." I would just write this all off as something that everyone experiences like a misfire in the brain or something to that effect. However when I do find myself in that mood or mode if you will, I do actually look for a guy to hook up with, once a guy I knew and I knew he was gay so I just kinda said, "hey, ya know what I think we should do"? And in case youre wondering, no, I wasn't drinking. Another time I did this was with a guy I met off of the internet. I am not a teen ager and I don't think I'm really at an exploring kind of stage. So I think I gave a pretty good outline of what I'm trying to say. I could go on but I don't want to write a book here. Thanks for reading and thank you again to the people who operate this site it is very therapeutic.
Hi there. First off, welcome to EC and I'm glad you think so highly of our site. I don't think you're necessarily bi as much as you might be curious. There are many people who are curious as to what it might be like being with someone of the same or opposite sex, like what you're wondering, and I wouldn't necessarily call them bi but just simply curious. There's nothing wrong with that. There's no doubt you have an attraction toward women but from time to time have fantasies and curiosities about men. I think it's something normal.
Hi, and welcome to EC! Well... you've definitely got an interesting set of experiences. From what you've said, I don't think you can call yourself straight, because straight guys generally don't, "when they find themselves in the mood", go out and hook up sexually with guys, nor do they typically have fantasies about guys. So, if I'm correct with my first assumption, then you aren't straight. So the question is... are you bi, or are you closer to gay, but not yet comfortable identifying with that. And, based on reading your post above, in the context of hundreds of other people who have posted similar things here, I think the answer could, honestly, be either one. It seems clear to me that your ideal answer would be that you're straight, and that these pesky guy hookups are just aberrations... but I don't think that's really the case. And so I'll lay out some reasoning as to why you *could* be more toward the gay side. I'm not saying this is the case, only that it's something to consider. Here's the thing: Quite a few guys who are gay or on the gay side of bi could perfectly identify with the things you've said about your feelings toward women. And while there are some gay guys who find women "icky", there are plenty of others who don't, and who have many, many very close female friends... to whom they have strong emotional connections, enjoy spending time with, relate to, and in every way but being sexually attracted, feel a strong connection to. The other thing that's interesting about your post is how, consciously or unconsciously, you seem to be coming across as "making a case" as to why you're really straight... and straight guys generally don't do that. The other thing missing here is where you are with regard to actual sexual interactions with women. Do you enjoy sex with women? Have you had sex with women? Do you watch straight porn, or gay porn? If straight porn, do you look more at the guys or at th e girls? You've said you have occasional fantasies about men, but when you masturbate, are you usually thinking about women? or about men? or both? The trick here is... your mind will play all sorts of games to justify why you're really straight. But if you believed that, you probably wouldn't be here, so it makes sense to explore the opposite possibility: that you might be gay, or close to gay. And if you are, you are. And if you're not... then you're probably somewhere toward the middle of the spectrum. There isn't any rush to get an answer to this, but I think if you consider the above questions (and answer them in this thread, if you feel comfortable doing so), it will help you get a clearer picture of where you fall on the spectrum. In any case... it takes a lot to even get on a forum and post about stuff like this, because it can be really scary. So give yourself props for feeling open enough to explore and seek out the answer to your questions. And give yourself permission to take time and have patience to find the true answer, whatever it may be.
Hey welcome to EC. Firstly I would just like to say lots of people have fantasies about things they would or will never actually go through with in real life (not that im saying its a problem you have hooked up with guys). Secondly you can be straight without finding same sex people icky and you can be gay without finding opposite sex people icky. I label myself gay or lesbian but I dont find the male form icky or repulsive. If you read lots of threads on this site, along with the all the confusion you will find a lot of people talking about sexuality being fluid and a lot of the people who identify as bisexual say that sometimes they are really into guys and sometimes really into girls and sometimes both equally. Now im not saying that this is exactly what you are feeling, and I agree with Gerry about the possibility of you being curious however I think there is a chance it goes a little deeper than that as if you were completely straight but curious I would imagine you would have tried it once and never gone back. I think it is most likely you are bisexual but with a general preference for girls and only a few exceptions.
I cannot argue that you're not straight, as only you can determine that. Nobody else can identify your sexuality. I believe that straight men can have fantasies about the same sex and that sexuality is a wide wide spectrum. If you can only see yourself in a relationship with a girl and check out girls on a regular basis, I agree, you're straight. It's not wrong to have the random thoughts that you do, so I wouldn't sweat it.
Nobody can tell you what your sexuality is, but I think you're just curious. It doesn't sound like you're straight, but it doesn't sound like you're bisexual either. You might also be on the straight side of bisexual, but I doubt it. I say this because you said you've always noticed women and never wanted to kiss or be in a relationship with a guy. Sorry this post is so short, I have to get going to school. Hope I helped. xx
Honestly, I could've written most of that not that long ago, and so you do say some things that trip up my "bi in denial" alarm... 1) Strong emotion in response to the idea of guys kissing and making out. It isn't necessarily your brain trying to pass arousal as something else, but it often is. 2) "high standards" irt guys. Yes, "I'm straight because I find most guys butt-ugly" sounds reasonable, but in fact it means "Yes, I'm so very bi for the right kind of guy." 3) "seeing guys shirtless does nothing" Seeing girls shirtless wouldn't do anything to you either were they as casual about that as we are. Don't expect your same-sex attraction work exactly the same as with the opposite sex. There's a bit of a paradox here, on the one hand you may turn out to be mostly straight, but on the other you'll only really know that if being/appearing straight stops to matter to you that much.
