Today, I came out to a close friend as bi-sexual/curious. In all honesty, I've wondered whether the interests that I've had in men/this straight crush have merely been fleeting and simply off-the-cuff. Because, for a very long time, I've had thoughts about women and it's only been recent that I've questioned the same gender and whether a homosexual relationship would, for me, prosper. Admittedly, I did have wild emotions for a crush. Without saying anything, he clarified that he's straight and does not identify with any other sexual preference. An inkling of me wants to think that he's deep in the closet because I have analysed his actions and they have been very conflicting as to his supposed heterosexuality. Mind you, they are a set of actions, as opposed to a singular item. My friend's been accepting and supportive of me, but he has made attempt to clarify that he's straight more than once and to be frank, I know that he's alluding towards and I'm concerned that things might get awkward for us given the way that he thinks of me. Now, I'm really wondering whether my thoughts about men were merely fleeting. I regret 'coming out' to him, when really, it's possible that I have nothing to come out to.
Hmm, it sounds to me like there is some convincing going on here. Is it us you are trying to convince you are straight or yourself? The fact that you have intimate emotions for the same sex does indicate, if nothing else, that you are not straight. However, regardless of all of that, it does sound like you have a good friend there. Don't read into his reactions to much that the typical "no-homo" approach that straight men take. It doesnt mean he doesnt love you as a friend, it just means that he isnt interested in anything else, and that is his way of reminding you. Further, whether he is interested in men or not, he will only be ready to act on that interest when he is ready, so the likelihood of you changing that is slim. For now, it would be best to settle with just a friend Maybe what you can do is do some self-searching. Find what makes your interest in men frightening, or shameful. Then maybe talk about it again on here, and we can help you work towards that. When you learn to love yourself, you immediately have more love for others, and it deepens the intensity that you share with every aspect of life.
Hmm, I think you might want to just head off at the pass with "well, just because I am questioning doesn't mean I am interested in you."
I'll say this, given the anonymity that the internet provides. About a month ago, this particular friend and I had a minor falling out. Admittedly, I was somewhat possessive of him as I felt the strong connection that many people have with others. I didn't think of it more than a surface level friendship. We became slightly distant and didn't talk for a week or two. I saw a counselor regarding the issue. Although she was opined that I have separation anxiety disorder (considering factors outside of the friendship), she also asked me whether this is a romantic relationship because, in her eyes, what I had described to her could only fit the description of a (b)romance. I've thought long and hard about it. I've even discussed it with a very close friend of mine of whom said that maybe I'm just confused with myself. A month went by and I really wondered whether this is what life held for me - this friend of whom we share every single thing in common with (goals, interests, etc). For a moment, I was convinced that I'm bi/curious. In turn, I decided to 'come out' to this friend. In hindsight, I'm wondering whether 'coming out' was even warranted because I'm not even sure about myself. For all I know, I could be completely straight. Now, when class resumes on Monday, I'll have to face a degree of awkwardness in which I've never experienced before. I fear that I'll lose him as a friend. I'm also really questioning whether I've thrown him deep into the closet. When we have discussions about girls, he would shy away. In classes, he would play footsies with me. There's more to that, but cannot be bothered listing. A portion of me wants to believe that there is absolutely no chance that he is 100% straight because some of his actions speak for the contrary.
