Well, for once, I'm not the one with the problem. I have a guy friend who just got out of a pretty bad relationship; she cheated on him (with both genders), she's left him before, and she was just never good to him. However, he is madly in love with her. Now he seems to have accepted that it's over forever, but I don't know... Point being, he and I are friends with limited benefits (we don't have sex); this is basically because he needs a pleasant distraction, and I find him physically attractive. I don't know what else I can do to help... This has never happened to any of my other friends, and I just don't know what to do... [Well, okay, there is one thing that I know he wants from me, (hint: it's sex) but I can't give that to him. If you've read some of my other posts, you know why; if you haven't read them or can't remember them, I'll spare you the sob-story (it's kind of a downer) and say I've got issues with men, and leave it at that] Bottom line, how do you comfort someone whose heart is crushed? I rarely feel this helpless, and it sucks even more because I'm naturally a motherly person, and when someone I care about is hurting I hurt, too, and all I want to do is make them feel better. I know almost exactly how he feels, and he said that helps, knowing that someone understands, but for me, that's not enough. How can I help my friend?
The fact is, you can't make him feel better. He is going to have to go through whatever pain he's feeling - that's part of the reality of being human and having a heart. The best thing, truly, that you can do for him is be there to listen and offer him empathy. One thing I've actually come to realize when I've been in this type situation is that feeling anxious about not being able to do something to help is, in a way, actually putting more stress on the person who's upset, because they start to feel bad that they're making you feel bad for them. So when people come to me with heartbreaking stories, I let them know that it's okay to feel pain and anger, and it's okay to cry, and they can take as much time as they need to do so. It might seem a bit odd to have to give someone permission to feel their feelings, but honestly a lot of times it's exactly what they need to hear.
