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These Urges. . . . :/

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ShadowDragon, May 4, 2012.

  1. ShadowDragon

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    So I guess you could say im having urges of sex.. Well maybe not sex but sexual acts?.. Its being kinda hard to control these urges.. Its really hurting me and making me depressed.. I really just want in a relationship not for sex i guess but more for closeness... Im getting really depressed real fast.. I might be over exaggerating but i cry myself to sleep.. Im pretty good at keeping my emotions to myself but lately its been bad... Ive thought about hurting myself but ik im stronger than that, so i havent yet. I dont really have anyone near me to express these urges... I havent told my friends the whole story and even if I did they couldnt help me... And another thing is Im getting reall pissed at my friends because all they talk about is love and how they met the one and ive been kinda douchey to them because I kinda want to find "love". I dont have any options for guys here soo... Im not really afraid of coming out but id rather not do it alone thats a scary thought.. ( I kinda contradicted myself).. If I came out with a friends or boyfriend or something id feel a lot comfortable about it.. I kinda thought about a online relationship but I dont where to start... It might help me a little bit.. Yea I really dont know why ive been so emotional this month... Im so lost on how to get over or release some stress on these "urges"... But i do want to say im glad I can come to EC and talk about my probelms and get rightful guidance.. My friends dont understand how I feel and dont really help me... ~Thanks EC
     
  2. Koll

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    More of a vent? :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: I didn't see a question in there.

    I get how you feel though bud. It sucks being a gay kid (especially closeted) at such an age because nobody is 'on terms' with their sexuality usually at your age.

    Are you in Highschool yet?
     
  3. Aldrick

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    Shadow Dragon -

    First of all, there is no need to hurt yourself. If you really are getting depressed, then you need to talk to someone. Try the guidance councilor at your school.

    Second, you are fourteen years old. You have hormones. Those hormones are going to create sexual urges - that's normal, natural, and healthy. In fact, if you didn't have those feelings something might be wrong. Learn to masturbate if you don't do it already, and that will help.

    Third, I'm going to clue you into something that your friends don't want to hear. They haven't found "the one." They are kids, just like you, and the reality is most of them don't even have a clue what they want to be when they grow up - forget about what they actually want in a life partner.

    You and your friends have still got a lot of growing up to do, and I don't mean just physically or hormonally. I'm talking about emotionally and mentally. Your friends, and you as well if you find a boyfriend, will fall in and out of love. You will get your heart broken. Then you will fall in love again. Then get your heart broken. This may happen again and again; and it's a good thing. It prepares you for mature relationships down the road.

    I know how difficult it is to see your friends dating and falling in love when you yourself cannot experience it. You get a crush on some boy, and you have to hide and deny yourself because you don't want to come out, and most likely - he's a straight boy anyway.

    There is no easy solution to this, so really the only thing you can do is locate LGBT teen groups in your area. Of course, this might mean you have to come out to your parents, which in and of itself can be difficult.

    Nothing is ever easy, but you'll make it through this. I promise. As bad as things seem, they're temporary.
     
  4. ShadowDragon

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    Sorry I got kinda carried away xD... Yea im in highschool.. My school has 110 students no joke.... No diversity whats so ever... I feel pretty much alone here in terms of how looks and personality.. I dont think id actually ever have the nerve to hurt myself but those thoughts are in my head.. Yea hormones kinda suck a lot... Itd be soo much easier to come out if I had a friend like me... I dont have any intentions of telling my mother... Lets just say im not family oriented at all... I dont really like my family even though they havent really done anything to make me dislike them so much, probally more hormones... But thanks for the answers i appreciate it :grin:
     
  5. Aldrick

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    It's pretty normal for a fourteen year old to dislike their parents and family. Yes, it's partly hormones, but it's also a sign that you are getting older and seeking a way to become more independent from your parents and family. Don't worry, you'll get over it, and then as an adult look back on the crazy or dumb things your parents stopped you from doing - and you'll be grateful for it. That's not to say parents don't screw up, they screw up all the time, but in most cases they screw up while having good intentions.

    A school of 110 students is pretty small, but the reality is there are tons of gay and bi teenagers who never date even if they are from larger schools.

    My advice is to use the internet as a way to connect to other teenagers around your age. You aren't as limited like I was growing up. Before I had the internet, as far as I knew, I was the only gay teenager on the entire planet. This was a time before gay characters even began to appear on TV, so I didn't even see portrayals of gay people in the media. The only place I ever heard gay people mentioned were in a religious-based setting, and it was never in a good context.

    So, you have lots of options. You have the ability to connect through the internet to tons of people your age, share your story, find other people to discuss things with, etc. There are lots of people on EC around your age.

    Once you become an adult and head off to college, then - finally - you'll be able to have the chance to begin dating. And really, that's coming up in the next few years. It'll be here before you know it.
     
  6. Robert

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    10% of all guys are gay. You're not alone.
     
  7. ShadowDragon

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    Ik I should just wait until college but thats 3 years aways.... Idk if im just impatient which is probally the case but.. Ill just try to figure something.. Ill find a way to control my emotions better.. Thanks for the help :slight_smile:
     
  8. Mad Man L

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    It's more around 4% of guys are bisexual/gay.

    I do know the feeling. Despite the fact I like both genders, when it comes to relationships, I'm trapped. And while it may seem that everybody is talking about love, relationships, when you're single, you tend to distort this fact. There are a lot of people who aren't in relationships, and their talk of 'love' won't eventuate to anything.

    At this point in time, you just have to wait it out. If you dislike your family, that's understandable. Just calm down and don't think it's the end of the world because your not in a relationship.
     
  9. ShadowDragon

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    Im not actually positive if i'm Bisexual yet.. I like girls and wont to get close to them but not sexually... But I do kinda wanna expierence sex with a girl at least once in my life before I official say im 100% gay.. Its not the fact I want a relationship but the fact I wanna get close to someone whose gay wether it be friends or in a relationship... I feel a lot better at least knowing someone like me ... But yea thanks for the help :slight_smile:
     
  10. Cloudbreaker

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    I don't know if this will help at all, but it seemed relevant for some reason. Like you, I went to a small school (I think there were about 64 kids in my grade). In high school there were four guys in my grade who I considered to be my good friends. We would sit at the same lunch table, discuss games, new movies, etc. But the thing is, even though they were my best friends, it wasn't until after we graduated and eventually drifted apart that I finally found out that one of them was gay and another was bisexual. So, including me, out of that group of five guys, three of us weren't straight. But we never knew this during high school (there are at least two other guys from my grade that I now know are gay, too, but weren't out in high school). So I guess the moral of the story is that even if you think you don't know someone like you, you might. Just because you don't see them doesn't mean they aren't there.
     
  11. Nightmaric

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    I've heard the 10% statistic more often, first time I ever heard 4.

    Regardless, know you aren't alone and you will find somebody. It seems hopeless now, but it'll subside. I know cause I'm in the exact same situation. I'm two years older and my high school has more around 800 students but I completely understand your frustrations. You can get through it, I promise you. You are strong enough.
     
  12. Mad Man L

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    Being more specific, I've read several figures. 3 - 5%, 1 in 20 (5%), and between 5% and 10%. Although there was a link somewhere on here which had definite figures on the % of bisexual/gay people. So I like to say 4%. 10% is waaayyy out.

    Firstly, do you want to have sex with a guy? There is a possible you could be a biromantic homosexual (romantically attracted to both sexes, but only wish to have sex with men), or you could just be reluctant to accept your same-sex feelings.
     
  13. ShadowDragon

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    Ive never heard the term Biromantic and that sounds more like who I am.. Idk but deep down in my heart I have a feeling that im not gay.. I think I am but idk that feeling is telling me Im not.. Im just pretty confused on what I want and who I am right now... I just need to some deep thinking and figure more out.. But ive been a lot happier after this website..
     
  14. provehito

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    You might as well reserve your virginity for a special person or just wait until you are older.
    If anything you just feel horny. Look up some porn (we all look at it regardless of age restrictions) and jerk.

    I honestly do not understand why people so young would want to deal with an act so intimate and even emotional at times when they are not prepared for the consequences that entail the act.

    Stay on the safe side, save experimentation for later when you become more emotionally and physically mature.
     
  15. Deaf Not Blind

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    you don't have to look at porn. :/ not the best advise for 14 ur old.

    i wil say both guys and girls have cried because everyone else has love but them. so obviously everyone does not! :grin: i recall words in a Beattles song "oh look at all the lonely people" and how when i sit in a mall, or stand near a bus stop, i think how many of these people inside are sad and feel all alone and just wish someone perfect for them would come love them.

    i do. my friends who confided in me said they have too. some now are even married. and they were not cool, imperfect, just nobodies. so if love comes, it comes when we are ready...maybe the right one is wishing they had someone too, but you are not old enough or ready to meet yet...so work on passing all classes, seek what your dreams are, and when maybe you aren't looking, :slight_smile: you will see..
     
  16. ShadowDragon

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    I definently am not ready for sex I know that.. But im definently ready for intimacy... Just because im 14 doesnt mean I wont suffer consequences.. Most choice we make everyday have consequences wether there minor or major... If someone can really explain this to me cause it seems everyone tells me this.. Why do I have to wait until Im older to do what I want now? Is it really going to make a difference if I wait 4 years to make decisions?Im not trying to be rude by any means but I just dont see point in waiting... If I know the consequences and know what could happen and i can deal with them then why cant i make the choices I want to now? Sorry im just pretty stressed right now -____-
     
  17. kyle 1

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    You could be depressed. I am currently going through it, it's not as bad as it was but things seem worse than they actually are. Intrusive thoughts might pop into your head and you might be really bothered by them. Eg. "What if I'm never happy?" "What if this depression lasts forever?" "What if I end up hurting myself?" "What if I never find love?" Thoughts that will make you feel worse and can be hard to realize they are just thoughts. But yeah... it's gonna be ok (*hug*)
     
  18. ShadowDragon

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    I dont think Im a strong enough person to not let my thoughts get to my head...