I got the problem that I'm really scared of coming out to my parents, though at some point I will have to, because 1) I'm financially dependant no them as a student and 2) therefore still live @ my parents place 3) I never could hide a relationship 4) I'd rather be honest at some point Now, as I know I'll most likely not get myself to telling my parents about my sexuality in person I thought I could write a letter. As I would want to give them the chance to think about everything I write (I'd kinda have to give them a more close account of my issues over the last ten years) I'd have to be away then. Fortunately I'll be going on a cultural school trip in a week so I could just leave early in the morning, depositing the letter somewhere they would find it by default. Though, it will give me hell coming back home. It won't be the same anymore, will it? I just can't see any way how I should get myself to tell them I'm gay :icon_sad: :help:thank you for any advice you can give me:help:
How you come out to your family is completely up to you. I've seen many people give advice on how they did it or what some of the best methods they found were. writing a letter seems to be a popular way to tell your parents if you don't wish to tell them to their face. and while i remain adamant in the fact that how you do it is your choice i would recommend (coming from the stories I had heard through other people and my own experiences) leaving the letter on a shorter outing, for instance going on an errand or to a friends house for a while. also, and this may not apply to you only you could judge how your parents may react because i do not know them, but when i came out to my family nothing changed. they know a little bit more about me but how we act around each other and the things we say aren't really different. except now i can tell them when i think a boy is cute lol. also good luck to you. it was a very freeing experience for me and i hope it is that way for you as well (=
A letter sounds like a good way to tell them, just make sure when you do so that it is really heart felt, and tell them how afraid of telling them you are because you feel like the people that mean the most to you in your life might not love who you are. Try and come from a place of love, and ask for the support you need, and explain how you feel on a daily basis about things. That seems to always be helpful to getting through to them.
Well, can you tell me more about your parents? Are they friends with any queer people? Do they complain about queer people on the news? Do they make jokes about queer people? If it were me, I would decide to come out only if I felt safe to do so; and for me, that would be if my parents were at least not complaining about gay people in the news (saying that they are too uppity, making "issues", or that they deserve what happens to them). That's a baseline. If they have queer friends, that's a bonus, because then at least you know gayness is not completely new to them... Come out if you feel safe to, and I can tell that you really want to, but you're just not quite sure if you should. Otherwise, I think you might want to wait until you finish school and get out on your own...
I know my uncle (mum's brother) is gay, too and I'm pretty sure she'll be ok with it. What gives me to think is that I'm their oldest son and my father runs his own company in 2nd generation. Up to date it's got about 40 to 50 employees and is pretty well known in the region, as is he (and through him I'm far too well known according to my taste). I have no idea if they're friends with any queer people. I also got 3 siblings to one of them I'm out yet (my youngest brother). My sister (older) keeps making jokes about queer people and always double-tap commenting when the subject comes up, as if I wouldn't get the "oh-so-funny" joke. The other brother (younger, but not youngest) does make jokes but I think it's just absentmindedly. I already asked him why he would do it and he said he didn't know, he wouldn't see a link. (and of course, there is our cat but she doesn't mind )
Hmm, well you can do whatever you wish, but I think maybe your mother is safest, and possibly your younger brother. I would maybe try to get your mother to work on your older sister. I think she would likely be okay with you being gay and doesn't hate queer people, but she sure does seem to lack an understanding of how her "jokes" make other people feel. You could tell her that the jokes are unacceptable, but I don't think you should have to point this out to her if you don't have the energy.
Hmm, I don't think I could just tell my mum, either both of my parents or not at all. At some points I was pretty close to shutting my sis'es mouth just by coming out to her but thought of a better way to respond.
You could call your gay uncle for support and advice. Even if he can't help you with coming out, it can be really nice to have older gay people in your life to talk to. And really meaningful to him, to, to have a younger family member that he could help that way. Do you know him well? I think a letter would be fine; that's what I did. There are a bunch of examples here on EC in the resources section (not the forum, there is a tab up at the top of the page). And if you post a draft, we can help you with it. I think you should keep in mind, though, that after you give or send them the letter you are going to be in really AGONIZING suspense until you talk to them again. So it's better to not have that be a really long time. Give them the letter some time when they can talk to you in the next few hours. Don't be waiting for a week, going crazy about it. It's good that your mom's brother is gay--do his parents accept him? If so, then your parents will have emotional support to help them from your grandparents, who've already been through what they are about to go through.
