, I'm confused and hoping that someone might be able to shed some light on my situation. All my life I've been straight, as in I've been aroused by hetero porn and by attractive women, I've been aroused by contact with women and enjoyed and been aroused by kissing and physical contact with women (I am currently still a virgin). I have always been attracted to women, and not to men, and though I have on occasion had homosexual thoughts they have not been sustained and have never developed into anything. As recently as 4 or 5 months ago I have been sexually attracted to a girl and aroused at thoughts of being intimate with her. Now, though I can't remember how exactly it began, I have recently begun to feel odd around men, as though I am not sure of how to interact with them. I do not feel aroused by pictures of naked men or by gay porn, but in sort of testing myself with my imagination I have begun to feel aroused by the idea of being intimate with men, and strangely seem to not be able to arouse myself by imagining the same sorts of situations with women. I'm not sure of why this is, and I'm feeling weirded out by these sensations that seem to go against the sort of sensations I have been feeling for most of my life. I am very supportive of gay rights and definitely feel that homosexuality is a valid and great lifestyle for those who practice it, but I am honestly frightened by such feelings in myself because they are so different from who I have felt myself to be my entire life until now. Does anyone have any thoughts?
I'm not sure how old you are, but there are some people who develop same-sex attraction later. I wasn't one of them, so perhaps someone else can speak to that. I do, however, have some supporting advice that might help you. First, being LGBT isn't a "lifestyle." I know you didn't mean to be offensive, and I'm not offended - but this is an important point for you to understand. LGBT (Lesbians, Gays, Bisexual, and Transgender) people don't choose to be the way we are, it develops naturally - in many cases the same way you are developing. A lifestyle is a choice, it is something you can change. Being in the Goth scene is a choice and a lifestyle. Being a Mormon and active in the Mormon Church is a lifestyle. Being a redneck who loves to hunt, fish, and be outdoors is a choice and a lifestyle. These things can change - being gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender cannot change and therefore cannot be a lifestyle. Lifestyle also implies that there is one way, or a specific way, or a type of way of being LGBT. There isn't. There is a huge amount of diversity within the LGBT community. There are LGBT people in every religion, ethnic group, tribe, nation, gender, town and city around the world. We all come from extremely diverse backgrounds, and therefore are ourselves extremely diverse. Second, what you are going through is completely natural and normal. You shouldn't be frightened by it. Human sexuality is a complicated thing, and although we like to slice everyone up into various groups - straight, gay, and bisexual - the truth of the matter is labels often don't work well for some people. Sexuality normally isn't something black and white; it's varying shades of gray. What you are feeling and going through is normal. It doesn't change who you are as a person. You don't have to tell anyone if you don't want too. No one can easily find out. You don't even have to act on your sexual urges if you don't want too. However, since you're in the beginning stages of realizing that you have some degree of same sex-attraction, I'll tell you that one of the hardest parts of coming out is finding self-acceptance. Many people, myself included, go through a period of denial, rejection, or hoping that we can change. But in the end, we are who we are - and there is nothing wrong with it. You are natural and normal; you're healthy. You are the way you were meant to be, and therefore nothing is wrong with you. So the best advice I think that can be given is for you to relax. Take a deep breath, don't beat yourself up, panic, or try and force yourself to feel something you may or may not feel. Open your mind and heart up and grant yourself the right to explore and feel freely. In time, you'll start to discover what you want and what you seek. From there you'll be able to make decisions about what to do with that knowledge. But in the end, no matter what you discover, you are normal and healthy - nothing is wrong with you.
Yes - how old are you? I didn't start to be aroused by gay porn until I was 20, and didn't fully accept that I was gay until I was 35. So it can take some time and we all evolve over time. Maybe this is what's happening to you. Our expectations are framed to a large extent by what society puts out there for us to see. So it's normal for people to expect to be attracted to the opposite sex even if they aren't wired that way. I was aroused by my ex wife. Sex with someone is still sex. But later I found that sex with a man was a greater turn on than sex with a woman.
