Okay, so I'm living with Mom for the summer because my stepbrother is more important than I am, so he moved into my bedroom at Dad's house, but my mother has no idea that I'm trans. She just thinks I'm a straight, feminist female. She really believes in gender roles, while I, obviously, do not. We live in Mississippi, and it's already getting around the mid nineties in temperature, so I've started wearing more shorts. This isn't an issue when I'm on my college campus where other students seriously do not give a single fuck. Friday, my mother saw my legs and screamed. She screamed because I finally stopped shaving my legs December 31. I'm really proud of my leg hair (about one knuckle long), but my mother was absolutely horrified. She also washed one load of my clothes, and she naturally washed the only load with all my guy clothes. My boxers, pants, shorts, and shirts were all in there and that was the load she washed. She hasn't said anything yet, but she did give me her "disapproving" face when she saw my new haircut (which is nice and masculine, I am proud to say). It's getting to the point where I'm terrified of being around her because I'm afraid of what comments she's going to make. TLDR; My mother is making me really self-conscious about my masculine looks and behavior, but I don't know how to really handle any of this because I have not come out to her yet. Frankly, I know I'm not ready to tell her anything so that's not an option right now. If she kicks me out, I will not have another house to live in. Any ideas?
Well, it's going to be one or the other, isn't it? You're either going to have to tell her that you're transgendered (which would explain how you're dressing and keeping yourself) OR you're going to have to take her abuse about not presenting yourself properly as a young lady - becuase you're not. Intentionally. Alternatively, I guess you can find a middle ground and tell her that you're 'rebelling' against the "media driven gender stereotypes" or some other kind of 'university student protest language' kind of statement. She'll just figure you're a hippie and not actually trying to present as a man. Are you out to your dad but not your mom? How come? Could your dad be of any help?
I'm not out to my father either, but he and my stepmom are more aware of my dissatisfaction with gender stereotypes and neither of them are very keen to call me out on my... "flaws."
I see. Well, I'm not sure what you're options are really. If you're going to keep them in the dark about this pretty important aspect of your life I'm not sure you can exepct them to understand what's going on with you.
I understand that, but I'm mostly wondering how I'm supposed to deal with my mother's criticism for three months before I can go back to school and work on getting my own place. I'm not ready to tell her yet because I don't have my own place and I'm worried about how she's going to react.
Like anything else, you can simply ignore it. You know what's really going on and she doesn't, so you can just forget about it. If you think she's going to go on and on about it for the whole 3 months then it might be necessary to set some boundaries with her. Let her know that you don't want to talk about certain topics and make them off limits. Let her know that when she brings them up you'll be leaving the room. And then follow up and do just that. Not nice, but possibly necessary.
Nicely put Jim. I became an expert on ignoring this kind of thing with my parents until they finally gave up asking. But if it does persist, you might have to make up some sort of excuse or something.
