Well.....to start off I come from a VERY republic....small po-dunk town in the middle of no-where......I'm currently the Head Drum Major for the town's marching band...a band that has a reputation for the oldest and the best in the state.......I'm involved in loads of community events and a student member of our county's school board.....not to brag but ALOT of people know me.......I don't want to seem whiny or want to make anyone think less of me.....Is being gay a choice? I was raised, like I said in an unforgiving enviroment, where long hair is a sin and democrats go to hell......niether of which I agree with....*mutters something about close-minded idiots*........I just really want to know what its like, not having to hide anything, or be under constant pressure from not only your family and friends but going against what you've been taught is wrong (no offence)......I'm really not ready to be gay, but I can't help but stare as the guys walk by.......many of my close friends have had suspicions, but I easily played them off.......*hangs head in shame*.......I never looked at myself as a coward, or going against what almost the ENTIRE world deams "wrong"......damn society, and damn close-minded conservatives........I'm sorry.....I want to make it known that those that have come out loud and proud are some of my heroes.....taking on the entire world.......something I don't know if I could ever do........I try to make relationships with girls but I make such good friends with them that when the time comes for there to be intimacy, I freak.......it doesn't seem right.....and then I leave them embarassed and confused because I feel that I have lead them to believe that I had feelings for them....when all the while, in truth, I just became awesome friends with them........thus leaving them feeling like a used peice of meat, absolutely loathing me.....and me feeling totally stupid and hating myself.......all the while my friends build this reputation of me that I'm some "high school heart-breaker".........*sighs*....so dumb...........so anyway the whole point of this obsurdly random forum is to ask......what's it like?.......I'm so scared.......how do you find other gay people?.........btw I just wanted to let everyone know that this site has become a life saver.......I never thought I'd be able to find someone to talk to ........*laughs*...I kinda always thought of myself as growing up to be a hermit living in a small town with no kids or family...........just let me know somestuff......plz......I would be very grateful........thnx
I don't have any idea about american society at all (I'm australian), but I've been about 100000000% happier since coming out. It's great not having to hide glances at guys, or act straight, or have a ready excuse should anyone enquire into my sexuality. All of my friends have been awesome, as have my parents. By the sounds of it if you come out to your friends and they aren't very accepting, they should still be good enough friends to listen to what you have to say hopefully you should be able to remove any misinformation they might have. The most common thing when coming out to male friends is that they might think you are thinking of them inappropriately or want to have sex with them. If you're still living with your parents there is always the danger they might throw you out or make life miserable depending on their beliefs. Same with high school classmates. I came out in uni, which worked perfectly for me. Finally, the most important thing: being gay is NOT a choice. You don't have control over who you're attracted to. Never think that it's your fault. Good luck with whatever you decide. (*hug*)
hey. I'm from California, USA and from what you said CA is completely opposite from your state. If you ever have any questions or want to know what its like or w/e, just message me
First of all, even though we still aren't sure why people are gay, let's get a few things straight. You aren't gay because you chose to be gay. Would you really choose something like that? You aren't gay because of a dominant mother or an absent or passive father. If that were the case, there would be a lot more gay people than there are now. You aren't gay because of a single homosexual experience you had when you were younger. Again, if that were the case, there would be a lot more of us. You are gay because it is part of who you are. I live in a very liberal area, so being out for me may be different from what it would be like for you. Regardless of your situation, though, being out of the closet takes a huge load off of your shoulders. It can place a different load on your shoulders, but few loads are as heavy as that of being in the closet. Experiences vary depending on where you come out, but it's generally easier than living in the closet. You mentioned imagining growing up to have no kids or family. Let me assure you that is not an impossibility. Even if gay marriage or civil unions are outlawed where you live, you can still find someone special and declare them your life partner, and you can adopt. Life for us is not as bleak as it used to be.
BigBlueDM....you are 18. Are you planning on moving somewhere to go to college? I think this is going to be your best "escape" from your conservative town. My son grew up in one of these places too so I do know how you are feeling. After I wrote a letter to the editor in support of same-sex marriage, the few democrats contacted me to come to their side. :roflmao: I think college would really help you come out and learn to be the person that you were meant to be. Coming out to your parents may or may not be difficult. When you are ready to do that, you can PM me with your address and I'll mail you some PFLAG materials. If you don't know what PFLAG is, go to www.pflag.org
First off - Welcome to EC. I'm really glad you found this site too - it is VERY comforting to finally be able to connect with other gay guys that share the questions and uncertainties that you have. As I finished reading your post, I thought you probably had it in you to be one of those 'heros' that you yourself look up to. You've already proven yourself to your community in so many ways - and they can't take any of that away from you. The fact is - you've been the head drummer, the member of school council, and met all those people and they've come to like you - and you're gay! It would be a great 'made for TV movie' kind of story, don't you think?!? I don't mean to make light of your situation. I just wanted to say that you sound like a really 'together' kind of person, and it's often that kind of person that sets the example, takes the risks, forwards the 'cause' in a really positive and effective way. Just something to think about. What's it like to come out? I'm not out entirely, but to the extent that I am, it's AMAZING! I'm a totally new person - with a totally different outlook on life. I've never felt as good or as happy as I do now. I'm not exagerating at all. I wish everyone in our position could find the serenity and enjoy the support and understanding that I have. At the same time, it isn't a race, and nothing says you have to come out at a certain time in a certain place. Do what is best for you. *Still picturing some kind of 'gay' version of High School Musical - only it's the marching band...* Again - welcome to EC. I hope you get as much out of this site as I have!
Hey! Welcome to EC! You don't seem whiny, these are all questions we all ask ourselves at some point or another. Being gay is not a choice, at least not a conscious one, or one we can change. Sexuality is flexible - at different times your reactions towards guys and will be stronger and weaker. Don't worry, being curious about your sexuality isn't something shaming or dehabilitating. Being gay and in the closet is also not a cowardly thing to do. You should only come out when you feel completely comfortable with yourself and the other people. About the world: who gives a crap what anyone thinks? People hate most in others what they hate about themselves. Most gay bashers really have problems with their own sexuality, and that's the reason they pour their anger on others. Living as a closet gay is one of the hardest experiences you will have in your life, often harder than being out in an unfriendly environment. I live in a very christian area, and I'm catholic myself. People aren't always very forgiving around here, and alot of them have typical "gay = hell" views. However, you can get through all this! Girls are also a big problem with a lot of closeted guys, because we don't want to upset the norms, but we also want to be true to ourselves and others. All you can do is put up with the straight ladies hitting on you, or make a good excuse. The main thing to remember is that you DON'T want to hurt anyone or yourself. What's it like, being gay? It's like being straight, except you look at dudes instead of girls. Being mostly closeted, I can't tell you how liberating it is to tell someone, even if you only know them over the internet or something. Being free with yourself and being able to do that with others is one of the best things that can happen to you. How do you find other gay people? In a town like yours, there's probably not very many out people, so finding gay people will not be easy. The best thing is probably to go somewhere else, where you can be more accepted for who you are. You're about college age, so you've got a good excuse too :lol: Don't worry too much! You can always come here for support! (&&&) (*hug*) (&&&)
I don't know if my other reply went through so I'm doing this again........ I have been a total nervous wreck this last week......Honor Band in Washington(which was AWESOME) and thinking about what people would post on this....I have to say thank you SO much!......I feel SO much better I was also wondering.......people have said that University life is like WAY easier to be....well....gay. I've applied to colleges all over, Idaho(2),Nevada(2) I've heard that University of Nevada, Reno has a Huge Gay festival and I was wondering if anyone knew anything about that....... btw....thanks again.......*walks away from computer with a skip in his step*......
You're very welcome. btw... reading what you'd written in your signature made me think of the line from 'Big Girls Don't Cry' (which is one of my favourite songs right now)... "Fairy tales don't always have a happy ending, do they?"
Oh wow a college in idaho i live there lol well in the town i live there are tons of bi people, its spreading like a disease(which its not) if you came to an idahoan college i dont think it would be that bad but i dont know about everywhere lol i dont know if im helpful bu i just read the word idaho and was like "wow and i thought no one had ever heard of it."...
