Hey there. I'm out as "questioning" to a few close friends and don't plan on spreading the news for a while longer. However, I'm terrified at the thought of my mom finding out. She has Dissociative Identity Disorder (previously known as Multiple Personality Disorder), possibly stemming from childhood sexual abuse. Basically, she sometimes disassociates from herself and an "alter" takes over. One of these alters has a suicidal history, and this has landed mom in the mental ward in the past. Thankfully, she has an amazing therapist to talk to, but she still unknowingly self-harms from time to time. She is also a strongly devout Christian, and very homophobic. Her sister (my aunt) is a lesbian, and mom is very uncomfortable being around her due to her "lifestyle choice". She does love her sister though, but fears she is going to hell. My aunt and I are very close, but she is uncertain about what to do in this situation. Lets just say that the first time I learned about homosexuality was when my parents had to explain why auntie wasn't allowed to come to the family reunion. Thankfully, mom and I have a pretty good relationship. Due to her mental and physical handicaps, she doesn't have many friends and can't get out much. I know it brightens up her world when I come over and let her live vicariously through me. I show and tell the many pictures and adventures that my friends and I go on. She is an adventurer at heart, and this gives us something to bond over. I love doing this and feel a responsibility to be there for her, especially since dad died a few years ago and my sister refuses to talk to her. I'm terrified that if mom found out about me, it could literally kill her. Suggestions?
That's... a really tough one. Let's look at a worst case scenario first: you're talking with your mom's suicidal alter, and she's the one you come out to. She really doesn't take the news well, and gets stuck in a ward again. Better case scenario: You tell "your mom", and because she loves you enough, she takes it relatively okay. Nothing bad happens. I think the few things I need answered (because I honestly don't know know much about DID) would be: - Does information get shared between her alters? - How does the suicidal alter act with regards to your aunt? - Is there a distinctive way to know which alter you're speaking with? The other thing I'm wondering is you say you share your stories with her; does she ever ask about your love life much? Because if she doesn't, it may never need to be an issue. I can understand wanting to be "out", but since you're questioning, I think it would just cause unnecessary confusion (for her) right now. I'd at least hold off till you're more decided with your identity, or you start bringing home a girl or something. EDIT: I second Mogget's advice, you should probs see a professional. We can offer insight, but the vast majority of us aren't trained to deal with DID, especially when it's a sensitive issue like this.
I don't plan on coming out to her until I have a girlfriend (because it might not happen). Lately I've been going to queer events and making gay friends, but I'm doing the best I can to stay closeted. I've told her I'm asexual and uninterested in relationships. She thinks I'm traumatized, but as long as I'm happy being single then she drops the subject. Yeah, her alters know of each other and of mom's life in general, so whatever mom knows, they all know. They also all know and like me, but I don't know them individually. Her's don't dramatically present themselves like it's shown on TV, at least not when she's on her meds. I should also note that she lives alone, which is both a blessing and a concern. I want to talk to her councilor, but I don't know who she is and would have to get that information from mom. It would also be a one-time deal since I can't afford regular sessions, so that might concern mom about what am I sharing. (Such as, I might tattle on mom and get her sent back to the hospital or something). I guess down the road, if I am gay and all, I could get my own temporary councilor. Thanks for the tips. I understand this isn't a professional site, but it helps to talk out loud anyway. Especially on issues I can't talk about in person.
You could also ask to attend a session with her, and come out then. You don't have to talk to the counselor about it beforehand.
That's a great idea Mogget. I would like to talk to the counselor first though, just to find out her view on homosexuality and ask her opinion if mom is stable enough to grieve.
