So before I even start telling you anything, thank you for reading this. I know there are a lot of posts like this and I am extremely grateful if you reply. I am 15 and lost. Here is my story: I will start in 2009, when it all started. It was at a sleepover (where else? ) when I had my first "gay" experience with my friend we will call "Jack" for privacy purposes. It was started by a third party at the sleepover (who will remain nameless because he isn't important). He began to feel my and "Jack's" "stuff" down south, through the clothes. "Jack" and I were quickly aroused and turned to each other, and soon went further to handys. We vaguely paid attention to the other guy but we were mainly paying attention to satisfying each other. Anyway, it ended with me showing the other two how to jack off. Later that summer, "Jack" and I were at a baseball tournament and we were sleeping in the same dorms, it also happened to be my birthday. The song "Birthday Sex" by Jeremih was extremely popular at the time so he put it on and we felt each other, through shorts, for the duration of the song. After that we became distant for the duration of 2010 because we changed to different baseball teams and had different classes. Then in March 2011 (I remember it vividly, it is one of my best and worst memories) we were at another baseball tournament and we "had" to sleep in the same bed at the hotel. At first there was nothing sexual and we were just friends sharing a bed but around the 3rd or 4th night I began to initiate with him sexually and he reciprocated. We gave each other handys and blowjobs. The following day, I tried to get him back to the hotel room to go further/do more because my dad was gone and he told me no, he wasn't gay and denied the previous night ever happened. That night however, he again let me touch him but turned away after about 10 seconds and said he was tired. I was confused by his actions but didn't really think much of them and moved on. During those years I dated a few girls, none serious, and two since March 2011, one seriously. Now "Jack" is coming back into my life again and I still have physical and emotional feelings for him, intense and almost debilitating at times. I know I am not gay (I consider myself about a 2.5 on the Kinsey scale) but my feelings are definitely more than lust. So here are the facts, in case I missed anything: I am definitely into girls I am definitely into "Jack" and I have had passing interests in other guys but for never more than a few weeks "Jack", as far as I know, is straight but he acts gay constantly, dry humping his other male friends and what not I am attracted to "Jack" physically and emotionally and I have done "stuff" with him. He is also one of my best friends and I can talk to him about anything and trust him to keep it private Not exactly relevant but, I watch gay porn (only twinks though, hairy guys are a MAJOR turn off for me) and straight porn I am very confused about this situation I am not interested in applying a label for now Questions: Should I tell him about my feelings? Should I try to go past the "friend-zone" again and risk the friendship? I don't think he will get mad at me or hate me if I try to, I like to think he would just tell me no. What should I do? Any advice and/or opinions on this would be greatly appreciated and if I missed anything or something isn't clear just post a reply to let me know and I will post up a reply. Also, if you think there are any questions I should be asking myself that I am not, please let me know. Thank You!!
