I just came out to one of my best friends last night and I'm really worried how it's going to change our friendship. I basically became best friends with him over the past couple months, and he confronted me as to whether or not I was gay. He says he didn't think I was gay, but another one of our friends and him had talked about it because they thought it may have been bringing me down and they were worried. After I told him he said it wouldn't change anything and that he didn't care, but I'm worried that he thinks I'm attracted to him and it's going to change the way he acts around me. I told him I'm not, but I don't know if he believes me. I'm really worried I'm going to lose one of my friends. And to be completely honest, I don't think he was really prepared for me to come out. So he hasn't really been very supportive but I don't think that's because he doesn't want to be, I just dont think he knows how to. I just feel like this is going to create problems. That anything I say or do around him he'll judge me for it. I feel like he's looking at our entire friendship right now and thinking if anything I did was strange or weird. I'm not really sure how to handle this. He's the first person I've told in my life and I really wish that I had just denied it instead.
Don't wish that. He seems to be ok with it and anyway the reason he asked is that he was worried, so that alone shows he's a good friend. Most people don't know how to handle someone's (or their own) sexuality, let alone homosexuality, so you can't really expect a lot from him as the first reaction. However, I would caution you to not expect a lot anyway. To you this may be a huge thing, but to him it's maybe just a notion, he can accept you as gay and that's it. What I mean is that you shouldn't expect him to suddenly become your go-to friend/counsellor when it comes to sexuality. I mean, maybe he's willing to be that too, I'm just saying be aware of that. And are you attracted to him?
If you're attracted to some particular person who isn't him, you could tell him who it is and then he'll assume you're not attracted to him that way. Only say it if it's true, though. Congrats on coming out, by the way. If your friend doesn't know any other gay people, he might still be figuring out how to be supportive, so give him some time. Whatever he's doing is probably the best he can do. Since he was the one who asked you whether you're gay, I'm guessing he still wants to be a good friend.
Keep in mind you've had a lot of time to learn how to deal with your sexuality- he might be going everything you've gone through, but has to do it a lot quicker. He might still totally accept and love you, it just might take him a little while to switch gears, so to speak. Try to give him time, and be open and honest in the way you two communicate. (I had the same fears when I came out to my female friends- they've been MORE affectionate, I think to try and keep me from feeling that way.) Or he's a douchebag homophobe, in which case, don't worry about it.
If he is homophobic, there are at least two possibilities: a) he really is a douchebag, and b) he is a reasonable, compassionate person by nature, but someone has taught him to be homophobic and he's still figuring out how to unteach himself. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt.
