so i've been out out as a ladygay to my two closest friends for months, my friends at work for a few weeks, and last night (in honor of obama announcing his support for marriage equality) i came out to my sister, and made it facebook official (WITHOUT telling my parents. that's a whole 'nother level.) my sister was (surprisingly) shocked, but extremely supportive- we did lots of hugging and crying and even though she's taking some time to adjust to it, it's all good there. my friends and coworkers and random facebook acquaintances are all super supportive- i've gotten calls from my cousins, big hugs, lots of people saying they're proud of me for being brave- so far, it's an awesome story, no bad reactions, and i know this means i'm a lot luckier than some people. so my question is, why the hell do i feel so anxious and crazy and nervous? i'm trying to write a paper and i feel like my guts are twisted up. i've almost burst into tears (not the happy kind, although i've done a lot of that too) twice today, and i have no appetite. shouldn't i feel relieved? why do i feel depressed? is this normal?
Ladygay, clever I like that. That's really, really fantastic you've told so many people and that they're supportive. Congrats on that! When I told my family I thought I would feel relieved and that the weight of the world would be off my shoulders but I felt the same way, anxious and depressed. Closeted gays feel like once they come out everything will be 100% better but that's definitely not that case. So I'd yes, they are definitely normal feelings to feel right now. They'll go away eventually. Good luck and congrats again
Yeah, it's normal. Nice as it is to be out and accepted, the in-between stages can be rough. Just as it's taking your sister some time to get used to knowing, it might take you some time to get used to her knowing. It can also be stressful when you're out to everyone but your parents. Keeping secrets from your parents is kind of stressful to begin with, and the there's the possibility they'll find out from someone else, and there's not knowing how to tell them, exactly. I don't know whether this applies to you, hopefully it's not a big deal, but it is a possible explanation of why you're still stressed. It might help to make a plan to tell your parents at some specific time in the future.
Its the feeling on not being able to go back. Now you dont have the opportunity to debate with yourself. Its normal to go through this, and now that you made the leap of faith, its just everything else catching up with it. You can try to be as prepared as possible for what you think the outcome is going to be, but its never quite the same as what is in our heads. Sending love
