Recently I've been having these mood swings from being happy to just plain out depressed. It's just I become more desperate and angry each day that goes by without me being able to come out. I'm gay I'm not ashamed of it and I'm 100% ok with it, but I just can't get myself to say the words. I'm only 14 so some say I'm too young but I'm dying because I can't be myself AT ALL and it just makes me so angry. And then whenever I get closer to being where I want to be, people tear me down. Like today in my first period we were watching the news and a segment on same sex marriage came up because of what Obama said ( you know how he supported us GO OBAMA) and as the segment went on they showed same sex couples and more than half the glass was looking away and saying stuff like ew, that's gross, and they aren't human. And I literally just sat there shocked trying not to act hurt. But it got me thinking... Is that how people are going to look at me one day?... I get on these kinds of sites so much that sometimes I forget that people out there still font accept us. And I've promised myself that I would never cry over me being gay but it's really getting so hard not to. Especially because my friends are going through some really hard stuff and it wouldn't be fair to them to dump this on them. I'm sorry for the long post I just needed a place to scream I just feel so sad and alone ---------- Post added 10th May 2012 at 08:48 PM ---------- Btw I'm sorry this probably shouldn't have gone in the chit chat forum, I was going to talk about the whole Obama supporting gay marriage thing, I guess I just started babbling
(*hug*)(*hug*) I know dealing with people is a nightmare. The good thing is that you accept yourself and your opinion of yourself is all that matters. At some point you just have to tell yourself that and try to give a big fuck you to the rest. I know that's not easy. Still keep that in mind the next time you cry over something some anti gay mogul says about gay people. As far as the coming out. The urge to tell people can be strong sometimes and other times it's like "eh, I'll get to it when I get to it." Just remember that you don't have to tell people right this moment or any time soon if you don't want to. Your reason for not wanting to is valid. You're taking into account the kind of environment you live in and it doesn't look too pretty. As long as you're out and proud to yourself, you don't need to gage anyone else's reaction and feelings about you. Coming out can be a real pain in the ass sometimes. I say be a procrastinator on this one and get to it when you get to it. Or you can take it slow. Come out to people you love and trust and who you think won't burn you with a bundle of sticks for...well being a bundle of sticks. Good luck kid. Always here. (*hug*)
As far as the Obama announcement and people's reactions - it's true, there will likely, for the foreseeable future, be people who look at gay couples that way. But there are also always going to be people who are accepting, caring, and championing too. And right now, in this moment, the President of the United States is one of them, so hey. Enjoy that. But the secret isn't necessarily being surround by wonderful people all the time; it's learning that those wonderful people are truly and fundamentally right in a way that people who refuse to accept gay people and gay couples are not. It's about internalizing positive views. And yes, coming out is something that needs to be done at your own pace and after taking into account your own feelings. I definitely understand the urge to shout it from the rooftops, but try not to be too hard on yourself, either. If you're reluctant, then you're having those feelings for a reason, so take a moment and think about where they come from.
Don't worry about it. You are 14 so it is expected to see the class respond in such a homophobic way because the maturity is effectively 0% in high school. When you begin college, people are so much more open-minded about sexuality, and its a good time to come out then (only if you are comfortable of course).
