Please forgive the wall o' text... I am twenty, female, and a university student. I had never experienced any attraction to women until I started university, but nor had I felt that much attraction to males... it is only in the past year or two that I have felt comfortable with considering myself bisexual, and whilst I don't shout about it I have finally stopped actively concealing my attraction to women. Which feels incredibly freeing! The problem I've been having lately is... I am feeling confused as to how I feel about men. I am definatly sexually attracted to men (though even that feels increasingly rare), and really enjoy sex with guys. But, I am not sure if I am romantically attracted to males at all - and the idea of being in a loving, cuddly relationship with a guy just doesn't work for me. I can't even imagine being happy in such a relationship! It doesn't feel right! And I'm not sure if it ever has... (I haven't had a boyfriend in about four years, and not for lack of available guys..) The past two sexual partners I have had have made me feel really good in the bedroom, and I liked them a lot. But, I am starting to feel down about not feeling any real romantic desire at all. I never wanted to date them; sex and friendship was all I wished for. But I do sometimes (ha, often) long for a romantic relationship with a female. However, I have never a relationship with another woman, and the few times I have been involved in events by the local LGBT community, I haven't felt too comfortable there (maybe partly because I'm shy). I don't really know how to meet other lesbian or bisexual women, or how to get involved in the LGBT group here when I am so shy and awkward with new people... Most of my friends are straight males, so I don't have many female friends as is! So to condense all that down: --Does it sound like I am bisexual homoromantic? I can imagine myself in a loving, romantic, cuddly relationship with a female, but not with a male... but have never had a girlfriend, so can't directly compare ^_^; --How do you go about meeting gay or lesbian women when you aren't too comfortable going to LGBT events alone (and have no gay friends to go with), are used to hanging with guys, and is pretty shy when it comes to new people? Any advice would be greatly appreciated - I've been feeling a bit down of late, and very frustrated about how my current sexual interests don't seem to align with who I'd want to be in a relationship with... I can't keep sleeping with people I have no desire to date, because it is starting to feel empty. Friendship isn't enough for that. But I wouldn't even know how to get a girlfriend!
Hey its great that you have at least embraced your attraction to girls and are comfortable with that. I am also shy and can understand the difficulties you had with attending events at the LGBT group. It would probably be true that they more you did it the more comfortable you would get. I was wondering do they have any smaller events that you might be interested in, only because I was thinking that might not be so intimidating and you might be able to get to know a couple of people there and then you might have a friend to go to other events with. If you read lots of threads about bisexuality on EC the reoccuring theme you will find is that sexuality is fluid and sometimes you can find girls more attractive and sometimes guys, so I think it is possible that at the moment you are in more of a girl stage, although the fact that you still find men sexually attract means that the most likely answer is that you are bisexual homoromantic. I think the fact you normally hang out with straight guys is another reason you find the LGBT group so difficult, if you are anything like me you like the things you are used to. One other idea I had is that perhaps you could email some of the people that run the LGBT group and just explain that you are nervous and shy and it might be that you can meet one or two of them over a drink or something just quietly an then maybe they can introduce you to a couple of other people and then that why you can make some friends and make the events less scary.
Hi Dunes! Welcome to EC :smilewave Wow, I could literally have written about 99% of what you wrote, freaky! lol Yep, I feel the same way and I haven't been with anyone for almost 5 years! It sucks! But yeah, anyway... I went through this bi confusion myself not so long ago and God was it hell! I was constantly thinking about whether I was bi or gay. It was to the point where I couldn't sleep properly! I hope it is not as bad for you. Like you I'm rarely attracted to guys (the only guys I find attractive being the effeminate ones :lol but didn't mind the sex, although didn't love it either. For ages I thought I was bi based on the fact that I've had a couple of boyfriends and boy crushes. At some point though I thought "why am I hanging on to this bi label? I don't even like guys all that much and I'm not even interested in being in a relationship with one anymore" Looking back I realized it never felt quite right with a guy and I just liked them cos they were like me (nerds). It was more of a friendship thing. With girls, it's totally different. I can actually see myself with a girl in a relationship and it feels natural. I feel like I could be myself with a girl whereas when I'm with a guy, I feel like I'm not girly enough and I try to be someone I'm not - it's stupid. I don't want to have to do that anymore! So when I realized all that, I changed my label to "lesbian" even though I know that technically speaking I'm more of a homoromantic Kinsey 5ish bisexual but that's way too long and complicated :icon_wink Reading through posts on EC I've come to realize that what people identify themselves with (their actual sexual orientation) is not necessarily how they label themselves. The label is more of a shorthand, a quick summary without all the fine details. So if you have any choice in the matter, it's that you can choose your label. You can't choose your sexual orientation but you can choose your label, if that's any consolation...:dry: Like you, I'm a really shy person with new people, especially LGBT people, I just freeze, it's ridiculous! I've been thinking of going to this lesbian support group not far from where I live but I haven't managed to find the courage yet : / So I can't give you any helpful tips with this I'm afraid... :icon_sad: But as Siverhalo said, start with something small so that it's not as intimidating.
Heh, that's a good idea but I would feel like such a dork. Might try it anyways, if I can work up the nerve... Many thanks for the advice and kind words, both of you! <3
You're welcome, and I dont think they will think you are a dork im sure there are lots of people like you that they help.
I think with the bisexual thing it can be more complicated than people think. I've stated before, with some non-belief on others part, that I am probably slightly more sexually attracted to men but cannot imagine being in a gay relationship. I am still sexually attracted to women and enjoy sex but ALSO am extremely much more emotionally attracted toward women. I think it can be a complex system with lots of in's and out's. I assume most likely in the end I will end up with a woman because I have found now through experience it is easier to build on sexual attraction with someone I have feelings for rather that develop feelings for someone I lust for. But I never rule out the possibility of either or -- who knows what the future will bring. When in doubt I think it is best to keep all doors open, you never know where you will find love and attraction
