I have a male friend. I have never thought about him as anything beyond a friend before. He's known me since before my transition. We always got along really well, despite our polar opposite personalities. We also have quite a lot in common and share a lot of activities together. It was slow. Things changed slightly about a month and a half ago when I made some observations about our relationship. I jokingly told him, "You know, if I wasn't gay, we would make a pretty good couple." His response wasn't a laugh or even a chuckle. Instead, he surprised me by saying, "I know. I've thought about it." It made me freak out for a day. I kept thinking, "Why was he even thinking about it?" Then I realized I kinda was too, otherwise I wouldn't have noticed anything--which made me freak out more. Why would those thoughts even cross my mind? Eventually, I calmed down because I thought that wild speculation didn't mean anything. It was just harmless thinking. I let it go. Things seemed to go back to normal between us after that, but I noticed that we started doing things together at a higher frequency. Nothing major, though. Instead of meeting to do something with just each other once a month, we started seeing each other every other week. It wasn't anything alarming and that noticeable, honestly. At least, I didn't think there was anything odd about it at the time. Everything was fine and dandy. I was over whatever those weird couple thoughts were about and was on my way to other things. After playing D&D together one night a few weeks ago, I was getting him to try to text roleplay with me over MSN. I hadn't done it in years. As both a roleplayer and a writer, it has always interested me and been a lot of fun. He told me that he couldn't roleplay with me. After I pressed him a little on it, he told me it was because he didn't want his feelings for me to develop any further and that he tends to fall for girls he roleplays with. It took more than a second for my brain to process this. It took a whole day for it to completely sink in, honestly. I was just in shock. Did this guy just tell me he had feelings for me? Worst yet, after doing some introspection, I began to realize why I had started enjoying his company more than I used to. I had some minor feelings for him as well. We still get along fine, but I can feel this thing behind the scenes putting some pressure on our friendship. I'm just not sure what to do.
Well, I think it depends if you want to explore those feelings or not. I understand that it might be scary, that you don't want to take the risk of jeopardizing your friendship, but on the other hand, the two of you seem to get along really well and you have known each other for a long time, maybe that would be worth the try. I think it might be an idea to have an open talk with him about how you both feel about this. Whatever you decide to do, either to remain friends or to take your relationship to a new level, at least it would help getting your rid of the wondering and the pressure this situation is putting on your relationship. Take care, Cécile
I totally second this and could not have said it better. I know from experience that just ignoring it without talking about it at all is a really good way to ruin a friendship. But ignoring your feelings about each other can work if you talk it out and decide to do so. Hope this helps. :goodluck:
