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I'd like some perspective, please.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by super confused, May 12, 2012.

  1. super confused

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    So, I have a situation. What else is new? But, for a change, it is neither dramatic nor panicking to me, and (also for a change) I already have an opinion about this situation, and I am merely asking all of you to get some perspective and see if you see anything in the situation that I didn't see.

    I'm currently in a friends-with-limited-benefits arrangement with my friend, James. But here's the catch: James just started dating someone (they're having their second date tonight). Am I now morally obligated to put an end to this arrangement? Because if I had a date with someone, I would put an end to the thing with James purely because if I waited until things got serious with the girl (or guy, but probably girl) I was dating, I would feel like I had been cheating the entire time.

    So, like I said, I really just want some perspective and maybe a different point of view. Feel free to barrage me with questions, comments, advice, and the like.

    Also, I will tell you all my opinion, I just want to see if any of you end up changing it first. :slight_smile:
     
  2. sanguine

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    id say end it,

    put yourself in the other persons shoes, and if you had found out that said person was sleeping around while dating you it would suck, especially if you were looking for a serious relationship.

    my older brother has this problem, while dating women he would also be sleeping around, and his current girlfriend is the sweetest thing out, nice, polite, smart and very beautiful, and yet she thinks hes like the best thing out, if she did know she wouldnt think twice to leave, what makes it harder is that they have been together for early 3 years and he was sleeping around for maybe a full year before hey did get serious (him sleeping with her)
     
  3. JB75

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    Well you gotta go with what you feel. You can only control you. If you would break it off in the opposite situation then I think you have your answer. Stopping it now while its still early may help you keep a friend too. I'd approach it to him as wanting to respect his new relationship and hoping the best for him.
     
  4. super confused

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    Okay, since I got two similar responses in less than 45 minutes, I think that's all the perspective that I'm going to get. :slight_smile: I honestly expected as much, but sometimes you ECers surprise me.

    My opinion is that I am, in fact, morally obligated to end it, regardless of whether he brings it up or not. There's no way in this Universe that still doing stuff with him would sit right with me while he's dating someone. Whether it goes somewhere or not.
     
  5. Jon56

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    I'd say yes, you should end it. If he doesn't take the initiative to end it, than the more kudos to you for ending it
     
  6. Farouche

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    It's okay to go on with your "friends with benefits" arrangement only if his new girlfriend knows about it and doesn't mind.
     
  7. cscipio

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    I'd agree with this with one thought - all 3 of you have to know exactly where the lines are. I'd imagine that it would be a very hard line to tow long term though. You may want to end it yourself knowing it'll likely be ended at some point if they become serious.
     
  8. I'd end it.

    The reality is, you said yourself that put in the same situation as he's in, you'd end it. And also, if it doesn't go anywhere with the person he's dating, it's not like you couldn't (if both of you were still into it) resume your fwb situation.