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Confused Lesbian

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Vabrug, May 12, 2012.

  1. Vabrug

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    Hi!
    Since I started having interest on girls I thought myself as bisexual. Now I don't know what to think. I had a boyfriend for 5 years and I really loved him. Why is it so complicated!!

    I kissed this guy that is friend of a girl friend and it felt... weird. awkward... not bad but just not right, you know
    But when I kissed her I felt like complete. I felt happy. It just feels wrong when I'm not with a girl... sometimes not wrong but incomplete.

    I just wanna be happy. I gave up trying to figure out right from wrong. I don't care who thinks I'm going to hell or whatever.

    I just wanna know who I am so I'd know what i'm looking for...

    I don't think I look gay at all. I had gay friends tell me that I'm straight... that's so confusing!!!

    I really just wanna be happy... I guess I want everybody to be happy... everybody deserves happiness.

    I feel so lost... When I want something I always get it but right now I don't know what i want so that sucks so bad!!!

    I also feel like I'm old or sth... I'm 26... shouldn't I have had all those experiences by now!

    and my gaydar sucks... and I am girly and I like girly girls... and they're usually straight...

    Heeeeelp!!! I am so lost. And a bit drunk. And I have no idea where the question mark is in this pc...

    I really appreciate your time and I'm sorry for any mispelling cause english is my second language and I had a feel drinks so...
     
  2. Ianthe

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    You are not too old. Plenty of people realize or accept their true sexuality later than at 26.

    However, I can understand how it feels unfair that you're just figuring things out. All the time that you can't get back. Just try to recognize that there was value in the experiences and relationships you had, even though you didn't know your sexuality at the time. Just because some relationships can't work out (for various reasons), it doesn't mean that there was no value to the relationship. It was still meaningful in your life.

    Gender presentation does not determine your sexuality, or vice versa. You are not the only feminine lesbian who likes the same out there. Feminine lesbians are harder to pick out of a crowd, though.

    I'm sorry your gay friends told you you are straight. That was very rude of them.
     
  3. silverhalo

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    Hey im sorry you are having a tough time, as Ianthe said not all gay people look gay, its just obviously those that fit the stereotype are easier to spot.

    I only came out when I was 26 so I understand how you feel but its really not that old and you have so much great time ahead of you.

    I think you know you like girls but you just are looking for some support. Are there any LGBT support groups or anything you can join?
     
  4. Fisnou

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    Like the other posters said, the way you look and present yourself has nothing to do with your sexuality. Just be yourself. If that happens to be feminine then so be it, there's nothing wrong with that!

    As for your age, I know how you feel. I also started coming out at 26 but unlike you, I haven't even kissed a girl, so you're ahead of me! :lol:

    And as for knowing what you want, this may sound phoney but follow your heart. If your heart tells you that being with a girl makes you feel more complete as you mentioned, then why not follow that? :slight_smile:
     
  5. Vabrug

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    Hi again, girls!

    Thanks for everything! :slight_smile:

    Silverhalo, I know I like girls... Am finally sure but now I don't know if I like boys... Crap! Lol! The only group that I know has a lamme website and I guess I just feel more confortable in here.

    Fisnou, sometimes my heart doesn't get along with my head... I think that sth will be cool and in the end, it just feels horrible.


    How do you girls deal with regret??

    Ps: Fisnou, too bad Sidney is too far... :wink:
     
  6. Fisnou

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    You're welcome! Yeah, heart and mind don't always agree. It would make life easier if they did!

    I'm not sure what kind of regrets you're referring to. What are your regrets?

    Yeah, Sydney is far from everywhere. I wish Europe was closer!
     
  7. Vabrug

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    Fisnou,
    First, how could I mispell Sydney when was right in front of me??

    Second, we all have regrets. We have to learn from our mistakes. But sometimes, rarely, I wish that sth didn't happen. It sucks so badly the feeling of wanting to re-do sth. Cause we can't. How do we deal with that?

    I'm from Brazil... But always wanted to visit Australia!
     
  8. Fisnou

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    Ha ha, that's alright. We all misspell sometimes :slight_smile:

    Yeah but I think things usually happen for a reason and the things we go through - whether good or bad - make us who we are today. At least, that's how I try to see things so as to deal with regrets and move on.

    Yes, you should definitely come visit Australia, it's a great place :icon_wink
     
  9. amychan12

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    I know how u feel I'm trying to find out my sexuality also it's very confusing and a little scary:confused:
     
  10. Vabrug

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    Fisnou,
    I misspelled "mispell" lol!!!
    I totally agree with you. But sometimes feels harder to go through things.

    Amychan12,
    I desagree... It's totally scary!!! :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
    But it's worth it. :slight_smile:

    Thanx girls! Feeling so much better now!!! :slight_smile:
     
  11. silverhalo

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    Awesome, well im glad you feel welcome and comfortable here, you can always post on my wall anytime.
     
  12. amychan12

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    Yeah talk to me too if u need to I'm scared too:icon_redf
     
  13. TheTwoOfUs

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    Hi there,

    I'm sorry you're feeling so confused, but I totally understand how you feel. My girlfriend was engaged, and with guys her whole life until I came along. Now we've been together about 12 years off and on, and we've both experienced confusion with our sexuality since we met. We are both girly girls. We even dated guys when we still lived together because we were both confused, but we were still best friends. It was not easy.

    About three years ago, we finally realized what we wanted. We both come from pretty religious, conservative families, and we were both really scared. It took a long time for us to finally accept who we were, even though we knew we loved each other. I came out a year after we finally got back together, and I was also 26. Be who you are because all that matters is that you are happy with who yourself.
     
  14. Vabrug

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    TheTwoOfUs and all,

    Thanks!

    I had a long talk with a friend of mine yesteday. She is like a sister to me and I can tell her anything. We talked about sex and other things and what we like / don't like and by the end I asked her: Do you think I'm gay? She laughed... She said that yes, I am gay, at least right now and that I could end up falling in love again with a guy but girls is pretty much what I like.
    It was kindda funny, all things she likes I said EW! And all the things I like she was like: EWW! Please no details!!! Lol
     
  15. silverhalo

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    Thats awesome, its cool you have a friend like that.
     
  16. Vabrug

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    Thanks! I know I'm very lucky to have her on my life! :slight_smile: