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Guys show no interest in me... What's wrong with me?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Lewnatic, May 13, 2012.

  1. Lewnatic

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    What's wrong with me?

    I spent the weekend visiting my friend in her accomodation at university, along with some of our other friends from home. She'd been making friendly jokes with me for a few months about her gay best friend/roommate. You know, stuff like "there's a nice gay guy in my flat, you should :wink:"
    I thought nothing of it, however when I actually got to her flat... Wow, I thought he was incredible. He was hilarious, gorgeous, friendly, not one bit gay-acting (which all gay guys should know is a turn on) etc. which all-in-all sounds amazing, however it dawned on me... I have no idea what to do/say around guys. I have no idea how to flirt. I don't have the best self-confidence, and it's mainly from my sexuality. I even felt too scared to move out for university (which I regret now).
    All I can say is...what's wrong with me? How can I change this confidence issue? I know it's the reason I didn't start hitting on this guy the many times we were in a club. I so wanted to, but not only was I scared to, I have no idea how to. Guys NEVER show interest in me. NEVER, it's like I don't exist. I make an effort with my appearance - get told by my friends "I love that shirt" or "aww your hair looks so good tonight!" but I never get those form of compliments/attention off potential...lovers(? if you can call them that).

    WHAT DO I DO. I'm going out of my mind!
     
  2. Dalmatian

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    Heh, I'm actually interested in seeing some answers on this thread :slight_smile: From my inexperienced point of view I'd just say that you should probably be more relaxed around "potential lovers". Being in fear of how it will turn out will just stop you in talking to them at all (as it obviously does). If you try to not start by "this first sentence/comment/glance/smile will decide whether we'll have sex or not" you will probably be able to go through the first contact much more smoothly. And then, through ridiculously insignificant conversation about [whatever] you will maybe come to the point where you can throw in a couple of odd comments, making it clear that you are interested.

    Well, as I said, I have no substantial experience to back me up.

    On the other hand, I'd like to disagree :grin: with the comment on gay-acting; while I find falsely gayish guys tedious (and there are many as far as I've seen, just overacting the role), some, or even a good measure, of gay stereotype on a guy who doesn't even realize it is just super cute :slight_smile:
     
  3. Lewis

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    Nothing is wrong with you. The question should be, what is wrong with them? You shouldn't have to change for ANYONE!
     
  4. cscipio

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    I've mentioned in other posts - there's probably nothing wrong with you except that you're not giving any indication that you're interested/available. Don't forget, other people, even seemingly confident ones, are just as capable of being shy.

    If it's available where you live, you should go look into Toastmasters. You'll build a lot of confidence and learn a lot about speaking - especially improptu.
     
  5. ukeye

    ukeye Guest

    I dont think anything is wrong with you - its normal to have a perception that we have to 'be a certain way' or act somehow or other.. but really, you don't - maybe you will be more conversational next time you see him? Theres no time limit to meeting new people and its probably good you can take your time.. I know if I had a friend who tried to 'hook me up' with a roomate of hers, I would feel pretty awkward and not confident too - people like to play cupid, but at the end of the day - no matter how comfortable someone may 'think' you will be with another human being, there is no expectation for that interaction to go any way other than how you want it to.. so chill out, maybe next time talk a little more - if its meant to be, it will be.
     
  6. BudderMC

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    Confidence confidence confidence!

    Confidence, regardless how "straight-acting" the guy is (well really, this advice is universal) is attractive. Doesn't have to be cocky, but you should be minimally extroverted. If you're typically more reserved like a lot of people, then you just need to push yourself. Be a little vulnerable. Show everyone else that you're worth getting to know!

    Your friends compliment you because they've already gotten to know you; you don't have to be more forward with them.

    Actions speak louder than words - would the guy sitting in the corner looking all weirded out by having other potential partners in the room be your first choice of conversation partner? For some maybe, but most not; they'd be going for the guy you were describing in the OP. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  7. nohander

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    It doesn't take loads of confidence but it does take a bit. You just need to put yourself out there a bit and make an effort to engage them. If you sit back waiting on others to make a move, they'll probably think you're not interested.

    Also, learn not to fear rejection. You'll probably he rejected more times than not, but it's all in the game. The biggest players all got rejected multiple times a night. Easier said then done I know, but as long as your casual and friendly a polite not interested really doesn't hurt that much.
     
  8. toremi

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    As one of the posters said above -- it's all about confidence bit that is easier said than done! I don't know if it is the same with you but my lack of confidence comes from something specific so if that be the case figuring the underlying problem may help.

    Ie I am totally confident in my personality and speaking with others etc. But I've never been confident in my appearance so usually my issues with potential lovas stems back to my appearance insecurities. I think knowing your weakness can help because you can work at strengthening it!

    Maybe this isnt the case with you but maye if you think about what makes you feel unlikable or uncomfortable it will help you come up with an action plan.

    Btw the reason they may not have taken notice of you may have to do entirely with them, you would be surprised how many people struggle with confidence issues. I met a hugely intelligent and verrrry fine brotha who has nothing to be worried about and he was also self conconscience!

    Now I'll just reiterate nothing wrng with you bud and good luck
     
  9. birdsfly

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    I haven't gotten out much recently but guys have hit on me and such though now not so much that I notice. Doens't help I have Asperger's and half the time someone is hitting on me I am COMPLETELY CLUELESS UNTIL I ANALYZE THE SITUATION LATER. I have gotten better at instantly analyzing though .... too bad I am not getting hit on anymore. I get more attention from girls than guys.
     
  10. NemesisPrime

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    Birds of a feather you and I. I have Aspergers as well. I know when I'm flirting with another guy but if he's trying to flirt with me...Well I'm clueless till I stop and think.