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How would you expect this hypothetical situation to play out...?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by m3ss9, May 13, 2012.

  1. m3ss9

    m3ss9 Guest

    Two friends really like each other and one is out to a few non-mutual friends but one is completely closeted: the one who is out to a few friends keeps calling the closeted one, likely trying to "have a talk," but the closeted one is too afraid to answer...?
     
    #1 m3ss9, May 13, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: May 13, 2012
  2. super confused

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    That's a little hard for me to follow... could you assign names? Just generic ones so identities are protected (I feel like this maybe has some basis in truth?), but it would just be easier to make sense of the situation...
     
  3. Farouche

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    It all depends on the choices they make from there on out.
    The closeted one (I'll call them C) could choose to answer the next call, or the one after. The one who's more out (I'll call them O) could give up and stop calling, or they could get worried about C and go over to C's house to talk to them, or they could leave a message or something and wait for C to get back to them.

    To some extent it also depends on the nature of the existing friendship. Is O out to C? Will the friendship survive if they have a more intimate relationship but it doesn't work out? Is C likely to end the friendship just to avoid coming out?
     
  4. insidehappy

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    the closeted one will not answer the call from the slightly open one becasue the open one may blow the closeted one's cover and the closetd one is afriad that anythign he tells the open one will get back to the rest of his friends. if someone is not answering your call. stop calling.
     
  5. The closeted one should call back
     
  6. m3ss9

    m3ss9 Guest

    Haha you know what... this was a stupid post: screw the hypothetical situation... The closeted guy I'm referring to is myself. We've been really good friends for awhile and I trust him a lot/really care about him as a person but I'm too afraid to talk to him and sometimes I think that he is potentially interested in other people besides me? He also has a lot of jealous friends that dislike me. This, in turn, makes me even more uncomfortable about trying to make something happen between us. He knows that I'm gay (and I'm pretty sure that he is, unless he is bi) but once the feelings developed, things got weird between us. I just can't get over the internalized homophobia. I think it might just take some time for me to figure things out, but I'm not ready to talk about this with him at all and I'm afraid that he will get impatient and move on. Part of the problem is that my mental health is absolute shit and it's hindering me from truly connecting with people. I'm seeing a therapist but I'm pretty f'ed up. I'm also getting a lot of pressure from parents/friends to get on antidepressants (Bupropion), but so far, no other meds have helped. I would much rather use cannabis instead. It feels more natural and I don't trust the pharmaceutical companies. Ugh. Sorry for the rant. This is pretty much where I come to talk openly about my problems because I'm too scared to talk to people these days
     
  7. Ianthe

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    Cannabis is NOT an antidepressant, and it will only contribute to your depression. I definitely don't recommend that course of action.

    Have you discussed your sexuality with your therapist? It's likely that your being in the closet is part of the cause of your depression. It also definitely has the effect of making you feel disconnected from other people, because you are hiding a big part of yourself from them.

    I think you should let the guy know, in a general way, what's going on with you. Tell him that you have feelings for him, but you are trying to deal with your depression and internalized homophobia. You are working on it with your therapist, but you aren't ready to go into any more detail about it.
     
  8. Farouche

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    I second all of what lanthe said.

    I'd like to add that if you've been on antidepressants before and they haven't helped, then a different kind won't necessarily help either. (I'm another person who doesn't trust the pharmaceutical companies.)

    Whether to go on medication or not is your choice, but it is not a substitute for talking to your therapist, talking to your friend and getting your life sorted out the way you want it.
     
  9. m3ss9

    m3ss9 Guest

    I'm just so torn. I have come to accept myself for who I am and haven't ever had a problem with gay people. I have a lot of gay friends. I just don't feel comfortable talking about it with anyone. I don't know if I just need to wait and let the internalized homophobia die down, or if I need to start taking medication, but it's like I don't want to talk about it at all. I feel like I can't get honest with myself. I don't know what's wrong with me :frowning2: I really don't want to be this kind of person; I just want to move on with my life and be happy. I guess that there's really nothing that you guys can say or do to change me so I'll just leave it at that. Thanks for the input
     
    #9 m3ss9, May 16, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: May 16, 2012
  10. Sparked

    Sparked Guest

    Hey, it takes time. For me, I was kind of nervous for a while to and I didn't really accept it and didn't really want to talk about it. You'll eventually accept it. But we're all here for you. :slight_smile: