OK, so a little about myself 18, in a relationship of 4 months with my girlfriend, at uni (college i guess) and living with the rents. SO my problem is this; i think i have a thing for my best male friend. Now we've been friends for years, but something recently has changed my perception on him. Ive always thought he was cute, but Ive never considered "dating him". Only recently has the thought crossed my mind, and now all i can think about is him. Im pretty sure (99.5%) that hes straight as an arrow, no "homo" thoughts there. But im with someone, and i do like her, but to be honest if he asked me out id say yes >_>. also, he kind of recently moved 2 hours away, so im not going to see him alot. Is there someway to deal with this, do i tell him? do i tell anyone? do i just forget it?
Hi there and welcome to EC. There certainly isn't a 'one size fits all' approach to deal with this. The clarity you're looking for generally comes with time and with honesty and openess with yourself and your own feelings. Likely you need to just sit on this for a while. Maybe not tell anyone, but continue to explore your feelings around it. Is it just your best friend that you have these feelings for, or if you stop and think about it are there other guys you are attracted to?
I'd advise against telling him only because once you've said it you can't take it back even if it gets in the way of your friendship.
well hes aware that im Bi, and yeah i do find other guys attractive. i may just have to sit on this >_>
Hi, your situation kinda reminds me of my situation. Except that I'm a woman in a relationship with a man (for about 1 year and 3/1/2 months) but having sexual thoughts and maybe even kinda romantic thoughts about a woman I've known for over two years. I talked about it with my mom and a good male friend of mine who knows her aswell and got the suggestion of talking to her. My boyfriend knows her too but I never talked to him about it because I don't want to hurt his feelings.. I don't see this woman often anymore and it's not really easy to reach her...The only thing I can do about it is to talk to her..I don't even know her sexual orientation but I'm almost sure that she is straight.. I texted her some time ago that I wanted to talk to her and that we could meet in a town (one that she likes). She answered really late...(she doesn't check her mobile phone often) and told me that she wouldn't have time for the next few weekends but if then this town would be the one she would like the most and that she wanted to get in touch with me then..So I have to wait for now.. I wanted to ask her if she sees me as a friend or an aquaintance because I've never been really sure how she saw me...etc. etc. Then you could find out without talking directly about it. When I think about your situation it looks different because you two have been friends even best friends for about a long time. That makes it a bit more complicated... Maybe you should try to talk to somebody you really trust and tell about your situation like I did. Maybe they can help you..You shouldnt tell your gf about it but first with someone else you know you can trust. Or you could try and watch him, for example how he acts around guys and girls without him notice. I'm still not so really sure about my sexuality and have never been with a woman before and don't want to hurt my boyfriend's feeling or her feelings because I'm still not so sure when it comes to women...and I'm still learning myself.. Good luck
hmm i can see how your situation would be more difficult. Well i know that hed never openly express thoughts about sex or a relationship with anyone. Like you cant ever say "check out her ass" cause he'll awkwardly smile (weird i find it cute?) and laugh. Like i know for a fact he had a crush on one of my friends for over 2 years, never acted on it. Why? i dont know, hes sheltered maybe? Yeah i dunno, he has these trust issues as well, but he seems okay telling me stuff. not everything but if he needs help hell ask. I think ill ask one of my other friends for help. Not that it matters, but hes gay and he could see this from another persepctive. I was however talking to a female friend and i told her i was having mental dilemma's. she then outright asks me if it was because i liked ( lets say.... lampshade) lampshade. I didnt think i was making it that obvious..... =/ anyway will tell you all how it goes... uhh talking to my friend that is :bang:
SO i told one of my friends how i felt, and he seemed okay with it. If anything he sort of was encouraging ("so your sure there no chance hes gay?") but on an unrelated note, my girlfriend dumped me.... which is okay, because shes entitled too, but you know.
Well, that's hard, but at least it removes one complication from the equation. Since he knows you are bisexual, you can let him know in a casual way that you think he'd make a great date, if he'd ever be interested in that. (It is WAY TOO EARLY to go spouting off about how you can't stop thinking about him! Even if he could be into guys, that will just make him uncomfortable. The only way it wouldn't is if he already had the exact feelings you have, which isn't likely.) The key is to let him know that you'd be interested without making a big deal out of it. It's likely that he is completely straight, in which case he should be flattered but not interested. As long as you back off when he tells you he's not interested, it shouldn't be too weird. Just be like, "Cool, you know, I just thought I'd give it a shot." And don't mention it again.
oh gahd even more confused. he was down for the weekend, and we ended up hitting the clubs, he got a little wasted and we went back to a friends house. We ended up sleeping in a double bed together which isnt an odd occurence with any of my friends but i started spooning him. I made some comment when my arm brushed his side and he flinched like "so it bothers you when i touch you with me hands, but its fine my dick is near your butt" he sort of smirked a little and just lay there. so we kind of cuddled all night. next morning though he pretty much got up and left (family issue, hospital, i dont need to go there). what is this i dont even.... Probably not gonna see him for another two weeks, but we talk on skype almost nightly. should i say something?
Maybe you could apologize--i.e., "Sorry if the spooning was uncomfortable, I thought you'd pull away if you didn't like it. I've been having feelings, but I guess I shouldn't have acted on them. Or is it something else?" By email maybe? The problem is, he's probably wigging out because he's having a crisis related to his sexual orientation. Even if he's totally gay, he's obviously not comfortable with it. Try not to take it personally. The reason I think you might want to mention that you've been having feelings about him is that he might have interpreted your motives as being only sexual, rather than thinking you were interested in a romantic relationship. He seems like the kind of person who might be bothered by that. Don't go into detail about your feelings unless he asks, though.
Hahaha, he doesnt get busy ha. he lives away from home and his biggest decision in life at the moment is deciding what tv series to watch next. And honestly if he actually turned out to be gay/bi it would explain a lot of things. There have been times where we would just stare into eachothers eyes for ages. Maybe he is gay and is scared of it.... this does not help my confusion at all. and i could never take someone not being interested in me the wrong way, even if i was completely infatuated. A relationship is a two way thing, you both have to want to be there
