So for ages now, my dad has been smoking marijuana. That doesn't really bother me very much, but I hate hearing him stoned when I call him. I hate that my brother is on the edge of dropping out of high school and getting into real trouble, and all my dad can do is yell at him and get high with the same uncle who taught my older sister how to steal when she was five. I'm okay with legalizing pot, but right now it is not legal. I'm terrified that my dad is going to get busted one day. I don't want that to happen. He and his new wife would probably divorce (except he is good friends with one of the judges here and many police officers so maybe it would be as bad as going to the county jail) because of it and he'd be messed up again. Maybe it is selfish, but the worst part about him getting high all the time is the fact that he doesn't ever remember what I tell him. He doesn't call me back. He doesn't acknowledge me when he's high. I don't get to spend enough time with him as it is. I feel like his smoking just decreases our time together because he has to go to must uncle's to smoke and then he has to wait until he's a little bit more normal to come home because he doesn't know that I know. I don't know if Dawn knows. It isn't like I can ask her. Dawn is my stepmom. He's trying to get off the cigarettes too, so I know the pot can't be helping that respect. I guess this is just mostly a short rant, but I would also like advice about maybe how to deal with this? I know I can't get him to quit. I've been trying for years to get him to stop smoking cigarettes because I'm worried about his health. Have any of you been in a similar situation? If you have, what did you do to... cope, I guess?
I've simply cut those people out of my life. Some of them were friends, some were family members. (Ones very close to me, certainly not my parents, but still.) I told them that I would not be anywhere near them while they were using drugs, it was me or their habit. And they chose their habit. So I'm dead and gone to them now, and I don't regret it at all. All you can do is tell people how you feel, and they'll do with that information what they will. If this is a legitimate problem for you, you're only making it worse for yourself by delaying the inevitable confrontation that is coming over this. Are you just going to pretend for the rest of your life that your father doesn't use drugs? Are you going to just accept the fact that your father is putting a plant before you, his own son? You shouldn't have to "cope" with this at all. The second you were born he should have stopped living for himself and started living for you. Honestly, I think you should just do it like a band-aid. Tell him you know, tell him how you feel about it, and if he doesn't respect that, then start putting some distance between the two of you, because it's only going to get worse from here. EDIT: Not to mention how unfair this is to his wife if she doesn't know. She deserves to know that her husband has a drug problem, and I think she should be confronted about it too. What if she doesn't know? What are you going to say to her if your father eventually moves beyond weed to something worse and gives her hepatitis or something else? What are you going to say if he gets high one night and someone convinces him to do something reckless, like driving, or he overdoses on something. "I knew but I was too scared to say anything?" How much is your fear going to be worth then?
Hi, OK first off is this, Do you know why your dad smokes it continuesly? There must be some kind of underlining problem he's trying to run/get away from. But what he doe does not excuse him. It can be dangerous confronting a man such as your father about this, especially as you say he knows the cops and judges. If his mother is still alive, well you may use that card. Explain to her what's going on, let her take on her son. If she isn't and neither is your father's father, then I suggest you speak to his wife. There has to be someone who he'll listen to. You see I also smoke it, but for me it's to calm my self down after a stressful day at work, but that doesn't mean I scream at my husband or that I ignore him, in fact, it's usually when I'm high that we sit so close to one another, our legs interlock and we just start kissing lol. But your father, that sounds like an issue. Maybe he blames himself for not having the life he wanted, or it could be some kind of trouble, like financial or something like this. It would be good if you can identify what his problem is, why is he abusing marijuana like that.
Clearly your dad's use is not typical occasional use. Thylvin makes some good points, but my guess is your dad isn't going to want to get into a conversation with you about why he smokes, and even if he did, it's unlikely he'd admit to what the real, core issues are, even if he knows. This is definitely unfair to you. But people who abuse drugs generally won't stop unless and until the fear of change is exceeded by the pain of maintaining the current behavior... and even then, it can be difficult. Drew Pinsky, MD (aka Dr. Drew) is one of the leading specialists in the US on addiction medicine, and he's said that in his clinical experience, chronic marijuana use can be difficult to quit and detox from, in part because the time to detox takes so long, and the recovering person ends up feeling very bored and detached for up to several months after they've quit before the "fog" lifts. So your dad will have to have a desire to quit, something to motivate him, and probably help to actually succeed. That's more than many people have, so you may simply have to face the facts that he's unwilling to change, in which case your best bet might be to simply get yourself away from him as soon as possible. If you want resources on talking to him about his problem, PM me and I think I've got some helpful materials.
Thanks for your suggestions, everyone. I don't know how to really even talk to him about this. When he gets mad, he gets really mad, almost violent, and I'm afraid of him like that. He's a great guy when he isn't angry, though. I feel like part of the reason why he does this is because he lost his father and his brother within three years of each other, right before I was born (his brother died in an alcohol-related car accident) and then the month I turned three (his father had a heart attack while mowing the front lawn). His mother is still alive, but I don't know if she knows. She's sort of an enabler though, so she probably does. He and his dad had a bunch of problems and then his relationship with my mother was difficult. My sister is a heroin addict, so maybe that has something to do with it too. He's got a bunch of mental issues too, like narcissist personality, so I know he blames himself for my sister's issues and he blames himself for my atheism (he's a super Christian) and my mental problems. He has always had a hard time with money and my younger brother is giving him a bunch of problems with his school and overall bad attitude. Anyway, I say all this because I feel like all of it makes for an excuse for him to get high because he's depressed, or, at the very least, unhappy. I just love my dad. He's really cool, when he isn't shoving religion down my throat, that is. I love him. I don't want to have to avoid him. I don't want us to grow apart. I need him. So I'm afraid of confronting him, just because I don't want it to end up with one of us having to walk away from the other. Is this really the only way that I can deal with this? Talking to him about and trying to convince him to quit, to no longer spend time with his uncle or his other friends? It seems like a lot to ask from him, and I'm not used to asking anything from him.
I know your not used to ask him anything, but you have the right to ask. Maybe ask him when he's in a particularly good mood. But you must also talk to you brother. As a family, you'd rather stick together, help one another out. Speak to your brother about his bad behaviour and why it's a problem. I assume that's what you want, your family to stick together. As for your sister. It's kinda hard to tackle a problem like that. But you guys have to work together. If you want the family to be closer together, then you have to play the part of glue. I think if your father sees like your brother improving and hopefully your sister as well, then I think it will be far less problems he needs to deal with. I think that might help at least in lowering his addiction.
