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What do I tell people?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by super confused, May 15, 2012.

  1. super confused

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    Okay, you guys just helped me out big-time, and I now know beyond a doubt that I am gay, physically attracted to both genders, and pan-romantic.

    Now the issue is "WTF DO I TELL PEOPLE WHEN I COME OUT?!" I don't want to have to do all that explaining. I know that the above description of myself isn't a lot of explaining in and of itself, but I know that people would ask about a million and a half questions, and I'm only willing to deal with that from certain people. So, I'm going to go with either gay or bi to other people, just to make it simple. But which to choose.

    I am now going to type out the argument going on in my head. This should be good.

    I should say that I'm gay, because it's closer to the whole truth, and I like to be honest whenever possible. But what if I had a boyfriend? I'd have to explain how I'm gay and have a boyfriend, and people would say things like, "Are you sure you're gay?" So, I should say I'm bi. But, on that same note, if I had a boyfriend who I told that I'm bi, wouldn't he be in for something of a shock when I said that there was no way I was going below the belt? Of course, to prevent that, I could simply be completely upfront with him and give him all the details right away and deal with the questions because honesty is the foundation of any relationship. But, wouldn't that be pretty pointless to do because (honestly now) what straight or bisexual guy is going to get in a relationship with a girl he knows will never have sex with him? But, there's something I have never experienced which could change the situation completely: I have never been in love with someone. I do believe that love is the most powerful emotion that we feel as humans. Therefore, I believe that if I were in love with a man, it could change my feelings about hetero sex. But maybe I'm giving love a little too much credit, because I see that as a very slim chance. However, what if I found a guy who didn't want to have sex, and he thought I was gay, so didn't bother trying to pursue a relationship? But then wouldn't it be more prudent to be completely upfront with someone I could be in a relationship with? Yes, but what about everyone else?

    And so on and so forth...

    And the more I think about it, the more confused I become.
     
  2. silverhalo

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    I think if I were you I would come out as bisexual, if there comes a time when you fall in love with a guy then you can play it by ear and explain the situation to him. To be honest before I totally understood my orientation, came out and got a girlfriend I wasnt sure how much I was into sex full stop so I do think being with the right person can somewhat change how you feel, not to say that you will definitely become into hetero sex but if you feel you shouldnt write it off.
    Its easier to explain in depth personal things to people you are close to and if you were in a relationship with a guy then im assuming you would be close to him so better to explain this to him, than the fact you are a gay girl dating a guy to everyone else.
    Also if you come out as bi and never date a guy that wouldnt matter either.
     
  3. malachite

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    say: "I'm Bi-Sexual. Deal with it!"
     
  4. super confused

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    That makes a lot of sense... And, I've been saying that I'm bi this whole time anyway (in my gut it just felt like the right word). So, I think that's what I'm going to go with, and explain it in full to the people who matter. Thank you. :slight_smile:
     
  5. silverhalo

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    You are very welcome.
     
  6. lmorg98

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    Have you considered the term "queer?" Basically, I see it as kind of a catch-all for anything that's not straight/heteronormative. I've kind of taken to referring to myself as queer (to myself, anyway, not anybody else yet), but technically, I think I'd be a biromantic homosexual/homoflexible. Then again, if you say you're queer to the average straight person, you're going to get a LOT of questions.

    And as for sex with a guy if you fall in love, I think it totally depends on the person. However, I can vouch that yes, it's possible to definitely want sex with a guy if you love him. Picturing sex with a random guy doesn't repulse me or anything, it just does absolutely nothing for me. The male body, nope, nothing. However, I have a boyfriend right now, and I gotta tell you, having strong romantic feelings really can override my apathy for boysex. I can be totally into it, totally want to make love to him, because of my feelings for him. And that makes me realize just how beautiful love really is (cheeseball!). If, however, that's not the case with you (and it totally may not be, everyone's different!), there are definitely asexual/celibate/low sex drive guys out there. If you're interested, check out AVEN (Asexual Visibility Network): I spent a lot of time on there while researching romantic orientation and figuring myself out, and there are so many posts about asexuals making relationships work with "sexuals," so yeah, if you met a guy you really liked, there are definitely ways around not wanting sex with him :slight_smile:
     
    #6 lmorg98, May 16, 2012
    Last edited: May 16, 2012