Am I Gay?

I think you answered that question for yourself.

 

Don't have sex with some poor girl you aren't interested in. Remind your father that people are normally attracted to someone before having sex with them. Otherwise, it's kind of weird. And possibly traumatizing, especially if you feel coerced.

Seriously, ask him if the way he decides if he's attracted to a woman is by having sex with her, or if he's already usually figured it out by then. Sexual orientation is about who you are attracted to, and you can tell about that without having sex. Try telling him about some famously beautiful women that you would just rather not have sex with, even given the opportunity.

If you think that you are gay, you are almost certainly gay. It certainly sounds like you are.

And we don't care if you played with dolls. Gender variant behavior is acceptable here. You don't have to be ashamed of it. :icon_bigg

 

Yeah you definitely answered you own question. There's no doubt about it. YOUR GAY. so its not a PHASE or CONFUSION or anything like that. I think the reason your folks say that is because they themselves aren't entirely sure what its about and what it means to be gay.

If you were to make a choice between two options, you know option A totally, but the option B is kind of in the dark, what would your choice be? Of course its the first option you know it already.

So this is the kind of things your folks thought, they don't know much about GBLT and they think neither do you. So what's the logical choice? Your confused.

If they came to you and said yes, sure no problem, then it implies that they know more than the average person and know it can't be changed, influenced or what ever (though there are a few cases where straight people are forced to have sex with the same sex (huh did I say that right?), but that's then abusing, which you were not!)

So I'd say you need to educate your folks about this. Do this first for your mother, she's more understanding and open than your father. She would know how to tell your father afterwards. He might be mad, might not speak to you for a while, but in the end I think he will come around.

My father also told me it's a phase when I told him i was gay. My mother accepted it and told me she knew all along. Eventually after a few months my father and I got talking again and now, he's neither against it or for it. He's just OK with it and he doesn't mind me bringing by hubby home. (Guess my mom had something to do with that.) And now, they accepted my hubby as a second son!!!!!!!

 

Yip, there it is, Right there! So your dad was possibly raped when he was little, and more or less by a family member most probably too. That is your problem right there. Since you dad had bad experience, he doesn't want the same for you.

Good answer I love it!

 

Yes, do use a condom.

There are some gay men who don't do that anyway--it's not a rule or anything. (I think the statistic that was going around was that 40% or something of gay men rarely or never have anal sex.) There are lots of things people do together sexually. You sound kind of into the whole anal sex thing, but you can still reassure your dad that you won't be required to do anything you don't like or aren't comfortable with.

Frankly, the impression I get from a lot of gay men is that anal sex is reserved for special occasions with a partner they deeply trust and feel bonded to. But that's not a rule either--everyone is free to set their own boundaries on things like that.

Unfortunately, straight people tend to get a little overly focused on the physical, anatomical details of gay sex. If they thought that much about what their straight kids might be doing sexually, they would probably be just as weird about it, but they prefer to just imagine that they never do anything but the missionary position.


It sounds like your father may have had some bad experiences with PEDOPHILES. Pedophiles are in a completely different category from gay men. Gay men like grown up men, not kids.

If someone raped your father when he was a child, that was very wrong. It was wrong because he was a child, and wrong because he didn't want it.

Insisting that YOU should have sex with someone YOU don't want to have sex with is also wrong. Because you don't want it. Because even though you aren't a child anymore, you are still HIS child, and he still has that influence over you, that you will consent to something you really don't want, in order to please him.

Desire and consent make all the difference in terms of whether an experience is enjoyable or traumatic.

Keep in mind, too, that if you go through with this, the prostitute is going to be a total stranger. She will be a stranger that you are not attracted to, that you don't want to touch you, and that really is only willing to touch you because she is being paid. And I won't go into the profoundly depressing life course that most girls who become prostitutes have followed, but since your mind won't be all clouded by your sex drive, you are likely to notice that she is not a happy person. It could be really unpleasant, and not just sort of bland.

Your sexuality is not something to negotiate about, because it is not something you have any choice in. So compromises make no sense.

Regarding the bondage fantasies, you'll want to have a partner you trust before getting too far into that. And start slow--sometimes things that are fun or arousing to think about turn out not to be quite like we imagined them. So, start with light bondage, like having your hands just gently restrained, and work up from there. Find out what you like in real life.

A gag, in particular, is something you want to do only with a partner you trust and with whom you have very good communication--and you need to work out how to communicate if things go way too far. Safewords work as long as you can talk, but if you're going to be gagged you need to work out other signals.

Sometimes, people in BDSM are able to have really good relationships, because they have to learn good communication skills in order for their play to be safe, and those skill can then be applied in other contexts in their relationship.

You also might consider whether it's the bondage itself that you like, or if it's more that you want a partner who will dominate you sexually. Obviously, you can like both of those, but it's possible that you find porn about bondage arousing even if you would find the actual situation too intense. A lot of people like their porn a lot more intense than their real sex life.

Obviously, you should probably not tell your dad about your bondage fantasies.

 

This type of people pleasing and logical evaluation of ones own sexuality is very damaging... at least it is to me. I tend to take a mostly logical route.

I came out as bi to friends and then gay later, and then when my mom found my gay porn I said I was gay but she's in denail about that (I was 16 at the time). Though I'm not completely sure now if I am gay or bi... maybe mostly gay slightly bi? In any case when i REcomeout I'll say I am gay because.. I don't want there to be the whole "well he could bring home a girl!" thought process.


Your dad will eventually accept you. You shouldn't have sex with a woman unless you actually want to try the experience for yourself and only for you, otherwise even if you could enjoy the experience in any other situation you WILL NOT HERE because you're being pretty much pressured into it.

If you do manage to get an erection and have sex with her that doesn't prove ANYTHING simply because a man being raped via let's say.. a forced blow job he doesn't want will usually be hard. Doesn't proves he liked it.

I have the same type of people pleasing issue... which is why i reclassed from bi to gay for friends and finally just recameout as bi to friends who were like "yeah right you're so gay" to me not saying anything and them saying I am gay for sure. Though my friend thinks I should have sex with a girl to try it. Which I am fine with, though... I am a virgin because I don't believe in just having sex to feel good momentarily.

You mentioed you had Asperger's in the other topic. I am not sure if this goes hand in hand with what you're saying but for me because of how socially awkward I am and how odd I seem. I have learned to act.

I learned to use certain facial expressions. Walk a certain way, talk a certain way, act a certain way in order to blend in so I do not have to face criticism. At times I wonder if I am acting more gay than what I would if I wasn't acting to begin with. The problem is that in all this extreme acting and people pleasing and blending in I feel as though I put my very own interest and my very being 2nd class to who i present which is, the "other" me. I love being social but I can not be social as myself I have to act as, someone else who is truly interested in the type of crap I am not. Cut back on all my own aspie traits as you probably already know... It's quite easy to lose yourself in the facade. It's also VERY easy to lose yourself in logic. Not everything is logical. Sexuality definitely isn't logical so you shouldn't try to solve it with logic, just feeling.... though it would be nice if I took my own advice as I sit here trying to logically solve everything even though I very well know logic won't solve it and all my trying is simply in vain.

I would wonder if your people pleasing has anything to do with that. As mines did and does.

 

There are many ways to enjoy sex, without having the intercourse. You should be able to find loads of information on that on the net, so I won't go into details here. I even practice some of it myself. With my husband and I, well we have sex everyday, but real intercourse about once or twice a week. So it can be done.

I'm in the same boat as you there. I am the only son. My folks wanted me to carry the family name and all those things parents say to convince you to think about it. I told them why do I have 2 sisters then? they can carry on the family name.

I think I'm slightly worse than you there. I'd go to the end of the world to please friends despite that it could mean my death (literally). I always put myself way faaaaaaaar down my list of important things. but at the top is my hubby, then work, then friends and so on.

I don't think so, it sounds like your dad aren't mad or angry, maybe a bit disappointed. You guys might not talk for a few weeks, but I have the feeling that your relationship with your father will only get stronger after that. Specially now that your gay and you can show him how real gay people act. I think he'll love you for that, since then it means he was not really raped by gay men, just raped by horny men.

That's the thing, you have to keep in touch with your dad, even if it means writing to him in letters cause he won't listen to you or via txt messages or little note on the fridge. You must tell him that no matter what, you'll always love him. I think he might be afraid he'll lose you, and that is very hard for any parent. You have to convince him that no matter what, he's still important in your life.

I've got huge a huge shoulder, you can :tears:, on my shoulder. These days it seems like the whole world :tears::tears::tears::tears: on my shoulders anyhow, so one more won't hurt LOL

 

well since you're not sexually attracted to girls, and you are to guys, then yes, that defines you as gay