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Dating trepidation

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by WhatLiesAhead, May 16, 2012.

  1. WhatLiesAhead

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    So I recently began to give online dating a shot and I seem to have found a guy who I really click with. We plan to meet in person sometime next week so we’ll see where it goes from there. Despite this, I can’t help but feel some trepidation about the whole thing. I think part of it is because all of this is so new for me. I didn’t come out until late last year (I’m in my mid-20s) and have never been in any sort of real relationship before. On top of that, I’ve always somewhat likened myself to someone who never needed or even wanted a relationship. I don’t even know if there is a question embedded here; just felt like venting.
     
  2. Lad123

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    Of course! I think every gay person gets nervous once they have come out and want to try dating for the first time ^^ Its like we are out of our depth with relationships since we never got the chance to experience this sort of stuff during puberty compared to straight couples.

    I wish you good luck on your date, and please keep us updated with how it went :slight_smile:
     
  3. WhatLiesAhead

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    Will do - and that’s exactly how I feel. I'm in my 20's yet I'm first going through all the motions of a teenager. Exciting, awkward and kinda embarrassing all at once.
     
  4. Jim1454

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    Bingo. Many of us who come out 'later' in life feel the same way. Try doing that in your 30s, after you've been married for 9 years to a woman. It wasn't easy. But the crazy emotions pass and the natural ones stay - like love and affection and such...

    I didn't date anyone until I was in my mid 20s, and I got the gender wrong even then. But it all comes quite naturally. If you've clicked with this guy online and feel good about meeting him, then those are good signs. I met my husband online first and chatted with him and found I really liked his sense of humour and his maturity and his intelligence. We eventually met in person for coffee, and later for drinks after work. We took things slow, and that really worked out well for us. We've been together for 4 years now and got married last summer.

    Good luck!
     
  5. Gravity

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    Just continuing the encouragement here, but I wanted to add that I also felt like (or convinced myself that?) I didn't need to date and didn't want to date. I think for me, at least, it was a way of shutting myself off from feelings I didn't want to admit I was having.

    But the key here is just to have fun. Enjoy spending the time with him, since you already seem to get along online. Give him a chance to surprise you. :slight_smile:
     
  6. TyRawr

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    What I kind of noticed in myself, and many others, is that many gay people kind of go through 2 adolescent stages. There is always a nervous awkward stage, and then you slowly start to build confidence. Its new, and its going to be hard, dont beat yourself up to much. Its really awesome that you are as established as you are in a year since coming out! Good job, and good luck on your date!

    Sending the best of wishes.
     
  7. AznStriker

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    I was in the same situation as you last summer so I probably wasn't that much younger than you are now. I was nervous as hell when meeting for the first time as well, so it's perfectly normal. I also did the whole online dating thing. Being an introvert and a reserved person in general, it's extremely difficult for me to date through conventional means.

    Good luck!
     
  8. WhatLiesAhead

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    Really appreciate all the comments and support. Just what I needed to hear. We're going to be meeting up next week so hopefully it goes well. We both feel like this is something special so expectations are high going into it... Which worries me a bit since I don't like getting too emotionally involved before even meeting... But it just sorta happened with all the messaging/texting we've been doing and how similar we are. Will keep you posted.