I know this isn't exactly for drug abuse but I know that it is an accepting and helping community. I constantly make destructive decisions all of the time. Sex with random people, getting wasted out of this world, smoking pot all the time, LSD on occasion and if anyone were to offer me coke or something like that, I can't honestly say I would deny it. I don't know why I'm like this, but I prefer getting fucked up and having an altered state of mind rather than being sober. I guess I'm just looking for general advice. Another detail, I have been treated for depression, currently taking prozac, have been for almost a year. So I'm not depressed and that's why I'm making these decisions. Help?
It's very common for people with drug and alcohol addictions to have an underlying mental illness. Psychologists use the term "self-medication" to refer to mentally ill people who use street drugs to manage their illness. It is, of course, a very unhealthy and dangerous coping mechanism. This is something to discuss with your medication provider and your therapist. They should be able to direct you to appropriate resources.
I think you need counseling, and not just medication. It's likely that you have internalized some of society's attitudes about gay people, and that you are behaving in self-destructive ways for that reason. A counselor could help you work through it. It's likely that the depression was/is at least partly about that as well. It's definitely better to have therapy along with medication. So, do you have a counselor? In counseling, are you honest about what's going on with you?
I do have counseling but I always feel like I'm being sort of annoying and just complaining about myself.
You are paying your counselor to listen to you talk about yourself. That is his or her job. If you don't talk about the problems you are having you are wasting your money.
Good point. It's also that by the time I finally do decide to tell the counselor something of this nature, I will end up talking myself out of it by convincing myself that what I am doing is not a problem.
Hi, and a (belated) welcome to EC. First, I wouldn't assume you have a mental illness in the sense that most people think of mental illness. It's more likely there's just some underlying psychological issues going on, in the sort of vein that Ianthe referred to. The overwhelming majority of drug dependency issues are, as Mogget said, self-medication, but they are usually self-medication for depression, low self-esteem, self hatred, and those sorts of issues. Your therapist is there to help you, but s/he can't do that if you aren't completely honest with him/her. And your therapist is also someone who is non-judgmental. You should be able to say *anything* without fear of getting a negative response. So it's really, really important you talk about this. Addiction, particularly to serious drugs such as meth, coke, or opiates (Oxycontin, Vicodin, heroin) is a really miserable path, and, of course, everyone who ever tries them is *absolutely convinced* that they'll never become addicted... but many do, and those, such as yourself, with depression or any of the other things I've mentioned above, are almost certain to have addiction problems. So I think if you do open up to your therapist, not only will it help you in feeling better about yourself, but it will help with coping strategies to keep you from continuing to use drugs. Starting this thread makes it clear that you *know* what the right answer is, now it's just a matter of taking steps to help yourself. You *do* need the help, so don't kid yourself that you aren't at risk, because you are. Feel free to message me or any of the advisor team if you'd like to talk with any of us individually.
