I recently signed up for this website for the purpose of getting some feedback and advice. I don't think I'm in a position yet where I can comfortably speak about sexuality with anyone close to me IRL, nor do I think that will be any time soon. In order to appeal to our pedantic human desire to be labelled; I've come to the conclusion that I'm questioning. At first I struggled with whether or not i'm asexual but ruled that out quickly once I lost my virginity. Anyways..to the thick of it. Since I was about 16, I've been seriously questioning my sexuality. Am I heterosexual? Am I a gay male? am I bisexual. However, once those thoughts entered my head, I quickly buried them, hoping they wouldn't return. Needless to say, they returned...and returned... and returned. I'll digress by saying I think, what I'm looking for here, is someone to say "I know what you're going through". I know I'm not alone... but it sure feels like it. Sexuality, or more accurately, sexual desire, didn't hit me until I was ending my elementary school years, having crushes over numerous girls, kissing them etc etc. My first serious relationship was in my 9th grade starting highschool. Although it only lasted for a few months, I felt happy and very much "in love". In grade 11, I again dated someone else, but that ended as she moved away to University. Between the period of not dating those two, I noticed my sexual desire shifting from women to men. And increasingly, I found myself entering depression and stress. I don't know if this is me rejecting some part of me I didn't want, or societal pressures of having to be a certain way. After my grade 11 fling, I decided I wouldn't date for a while until I figured out my post-secondary studies and what I wanted to do in life. Fast forward to First year university. Countless hookups with very attractive women. However, something just wasn't there. I just didn't feel a huge attraction as I used to towards women. I didn't let this get to me and again suppressed it. I was still very aroused during sex and very much enjoyed it. Another Fast Forward to my second year. I ended up finding a woman I care very deeply about. She's perfect. We're happily dating. But, that isn't entirely true, inside I'm being eaten away by this burning question and curiosity I have towards men. I'm afraid. I don't know if this will hurt our relationship, I don't want it to. My question to you all is, what do I do? How do i proceed? How do I console myself? Whatever I may be... I don't think coming out is ever an option for me. The thought of it makes a pit in my stomach. Knowing my parents, you'd be able to see why that pit is warranted. Likewise, i've begun thinking about my future. One that is very tradition a wife, kids. I don't see my life without the traditional family. Maybe I'm ignorant to what could be. Maybe I'm just too scared of the unknown. But yeah. Thank you if you read this. I look forward to your response if you have anything to say.
Don't worry, all of us have gone through the questioning years. None of us woke up when we were four and realized we were gay, it's a long and hard process. Feel free to keep posting
If I had to venture a guess based on the evidence you've given I'd say your bi-curious. You want to know what it's like to date a guy. That's normal. It seems like your straght but curious as well which is normal for anyone. Like me except I didn't have to have sex to know I liked guys. I was never attracted to women physically or sexually and was attracted to guys in high school. Still am. I'd say talk to your girlfriend and tell her you have some thoughts that have been bothering you and let her know you want to try something. She'll probily understand and let you get it out of your system. It's not like you kiss a guy and poof your gay it's a journey and there's no need to rush it and don't worry about your parents your living at college now right? They have no power over you now. What you do with your life is your own. Welcome and feel free to post more.
NemesisPrime: Seriously? You think his girlfriend will be like, "Oh yeah, it's totally normal to be thinking about dudes while you're going out with me, just go have some gay sex to get it out of your system, and then we can move on." I really doubt that. vasq21: I also don't think most straight guys feel like this. The most telling thing is that it is preventing you from feeling satisfied in your relationship with your girlfriend. I think it would be wrong to proceed in a relationship with your girlfriend without telling her about it. I don't think she's going to think everything is hunky dory, though. It will rightly cause her to have the same doubts about the relationship that you have already, which is only fair. Whatever happens down the road, you want to know that at least you have always been honest with her. Meanwhile, you should really explore your feelings, and work on self-acceptance. Because it's pretty clear to me in your post that you are attracted to men, regardless of whether your attraction to women is genuine. You need to really accept that about yourself, or it's going to make you unhappy for your whole life. It's really hard on straight people when their spouses they've been married to for years turn out to be gay. Since you have an idea about it already, you owe it to your girlfriend to let her know what's going on so that she can make informed decisions about her life. I know of cases where the straight spouse went into things knowing that their partner had same-sex attractions, and they decided to try to make a straight marriage work, usually believing that the gay person's sexual orientation could be overcome. In the event that it doesn't work out, I think it's much less painful for the straight spouse, because they really knew what they were getting into, and agreed. You should know though, that your life with a man would be pretty much identical to what it would be with a woman. You seem to think it would be really different somehow, but it wouldn't be. Everything would be exactly the same, except your partner's sex. And having kids is a little more complicated--but still doable. And straight people can have complications with having kids, too. Everything can be just like you imagine, only with a man instead of a woman--or at least, it can be as much like you imagine as a straight marriage would be anyway. It's not as if real life often comes out very much like our imaginations in the first place. So, just keep that in mind.
I guess. I don't know, right now my gf and I are apart from each other for the summer, but back together in mid august when school starts up again. I guess I have sometime over the summer to think this decision through. I really don't want to hurt her, and I really do love her and am happy when I'm with her. She's a great friend and I don't want to lose that
She wont hate you if you explain to her that you're maybe gay and would rather be friends. Actually, being in a relationship where you don't have the same feelings as she does is quite insulting and its just not fair to her at all.
I think the best way to not lose her as a friend is to just be forthcoming about your feelings. The longer you keep them pent up, the more likely that the situation will blow up in your face once she finds out the truth (and you don't want her to find out through a third party). At the very least, if she does break up with you after you reveal the truth to her, she will at least respect you for being honest, and that will increase the likelihood that she will want to remain friends with you.
