So a couple months ago, I realized I was gay. A few weeks later, my girlfriend broke up with me, which I was glad about because I'd never really been that into her (for obvious reasons =P). But then, about a week or so later, one of my ex-girlfriend's close friends, to whom I'd talked to only a couple times before, started acting very friendly, texting me constantly every night. She's not one of my close friends, and I wasn't (and I'm still not) comfortable telling her about my sexual orientation, but she's crushing really hard on me. I feel like a total jerk, because instead of confronting her about it, I've just sort of acted uncaring towards her, sometimes outright ignoring her. It's just that I can't think of what else to do; its been a few weeks now and she still hasn't gotten over me, and it kind of freaks me out. Can anyone help?:help:
If you don't want to come out to her, you don't have to. I would treat her like anyone else you're not interested in. Basically say "thanks but no thanks". Usually, I tell them that I'm really flattered but I don't see it working out/am not interested/am not looking for a relationship (this is an option but be careful with this one because she may try to wait for you)/want to focus on myself/don't want to ruin the friendship/etc. Sometimes I add that I don't want to waste their time with a relationship I'm not sure about. If you feel bad about the way you've been treating her, you can always apologize. Perhaps something along the lines of you're sorry about how you've been behaving but you wanted to avoid hurting her feelings. Good luck!
well it would certainly help if you told her you're not interested based on your orientation. but if you're not comfortable with that, then just talk to her and tell her that you are just not interested. it's not like you are breaking up with her; you are just saying something to the effect of "hey i'm flattered that you're interested in me but i'm sorry; i just don't feel the same way about you." maybe throw something in there about i don't want to get involved with someone close to my ex but that really isn't necessary. good luck. ---------- Post added 19th May 2012 at 02:31 PM ---------- And I agree with castle. you probably should apologize to her.
Well one way of putting her off... but then it's kinda admitting your gay is the following: honey, I am really flattered, though if you have a brother, i'd rather date him. LOL
If you just treat her as a friend only, she may or may not get the point. The heart wants what the heart wants. Just treat her like you would anyone else
Crushes take a lot longer than a couple weeks to work themselves out, so it's not surprising that she's still crushing on you. Have you already told her that you're not interested? If you have spoken with her properly and she is still trying to get you to go out with her, it might be necessary to completely cut off contact with her (make sure she has some warning first and has at least a general idea of why!). If you have not spoken with her, then you must do so soon. Be as honest with her as you can; you don't have to come out to her, but you do need to make it clear that there is no possibility of a relationship between the two of you, now or in the future, and that it is not her fault.
Just tell her that you're not interested in a relationship right now and that you don't feel the same way about her as she does about you. If that fails, start acting really gay, and get creeped out when she starts making sexual advances. THEN she'll definitely get the picture that vaginas don't float your boat.
I know how it sucks when a girl is into you, you have no interest in her, yet you don't want to hurt her. The fact is, it's not your fault that she's into you, but you should end this sooner than later. It just shows that you're attractive which is a good thing because guys will like you too :icon_wink Although it'll be hard to do, when she's texting incessantly, ask her if she's into you. Put her on the spot a little. If she says no, say you misunderstood her actions and you're glad to hear that since you're not into her. If she says yes, say you suspected that might be the case, but you're really not interested. Again, it sucks you're put in this position, but the sooner you confront her on it, the sooner it can end. This is a skill you will need to use with guys someday so hone it now and hopefully it'll get easier and you can do it earlier in the unrequited crush process, and please do it with respect and tact.
