I have this one straight friend who I've been crushing on for months. I talk and see him every day and I feel safe with him, except that he doesn't know I'm gay. He asked me about it once and I lied and said I was straight, but I really do want to tell him but I'm scared it'll make things awkward. He's said that he doesn't care about gay people but his expressions when he's associated with something gay is negative.... He has told me he is straight hundreds of times before and I know that if I tell him I like him, it won't lead to anything but a possibly ruined friendship. Yet something within me keeps on making me want to tell him. Keeping my feelings towards him secret is eating me away. What should I do? I don't want to distance myself from him either...because I feel empty without him.
I know it's hard, but here's my take on things (this doesn't mean you should feel this way too). I personally wouldn't tell him, I like my straight best-friend too and I'm definitely going to tell him I'm gay at some point, but wouldn't tell him that I like him. He's straight, so it wouldn't benefit myself or him by me telling him. I also wouldn't distance myself, if you're friendship is that strong, don't let it go. I think you should just try balance your feelings and try get yourself into a place in which you can be content with being just friends. Tell him you're gay, but don't tell him that you like him - that's my take on it. I genuinely hope things turn out well, because I know how you feel. When my friend mentions a girl, I feel utter pain inside. I just value our friendship way too much for me to jeopardise it.
Do you have a pretty good idea what his reaction would be? I'd say try to think hard first about if he's going to be negative, positive or neutral response. Then prepare for each scenario. But don't rush to tell him if you're not completely ready or it might just turn into a disaster.
Well, he said that he was fine with it, and then I told him that I wasn't gay. I think he'll be very weirded out if I told him I liked him that way though.
If you know that he is straight, then in my opinion there is no need for you to tell him that you like him in that way. He probably suspects that you are gay and might have tried to make it easy for you by telling you that he doesn't have a problem with gay people(or at least that is what I'm getting from your post). If you are ready, tell him your gay, but there is no need to ruin a friendship. Good luck! I know things will go well! :icon_wink
There's no need to tell him that you like him. In the end, you've just got to get over him. Maybe come out to him, but telling him you like him won't help anybody.
I think coming out to him might be a good idea. If you just can't move on without telling him your feelings, I would at least come out to him first, and then wait a little while and let him process that much before telling him your feelings. Do not expect him to return your feelings, as he pretty clearly won't.
You lied to him about being gay. I suggest you be honest about that first, and hold off on spilling any details about liking him because it may end badly for you. We all want our crushes to return our feelings, or else we grow bitter and angry. Unrequited love is the worst kind of love, but as you cannot be honest with him about your sexuality (or feel you can't) that would be a double whammy if you told him "Hey dude, I am gay... and I want to have a romantic and sexual relationship with you." That might be too much to take at once. I was very fortunate that telling my hunky straight friend I had a crush on him didn't change a thing, but he knew I was gay going into it our friendship, so it wasn't that much of a shocker. Even though our friendship is great, this crush is not a good thing, and I'm working past it. You should do the same.
