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Is there any way to tell if a closeted guy is gay?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by hahalookatmenow, May 20, 2012.

  1. hahalookatmenow

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    I know you will never know 100% until the guy tells you, but, there's this guy(Henry) who is only in one of my class periods who I really can't stop thinking about. We don't talk or anything but there's something about him that always keeps me watching and observing him(he's prolly the first guy I'm really interested in). I also think he's gay/bi because I see him stare at guys, looking at them from top to bottom. With me kinda sorta being in the closet I see a lot of myself in Henry. Latley I've been trying to grow some balls to talk to him, but I never can't seem to do it. Mostly because I have no idea how I can talk to him without coming across weird or have no idea how I can talk to him and keep the conversation going..some advice would be greatly appreciated lol. Also, what are some signs that a guy is in the closet? To you guys out there that have some tips, ideas, or signs and can share them that would be nice too :slight_smile: and before you guys think I'm trying to force this guy to come out, that is not the case at all. I'm still confused with myself to even want to start a relationship with someone. I simply just want to know so me and Henry can probably relate sometime in the future.
     
    #1 hahalookatmenow, May 20, 2012
    Last edited: May 20, 2012
  2. RealityCheck

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    Sadly not much I can tell you besides just get up the courage to introduce yourself and find common interests besides possibly being gay. As you said, there are no tell, tell signs. I was deep in the closet for a long time (still am to my parents) and maybe there are a few that question my sexuality, but only because I'm kinda old to not be married or in a relationship. Sometimes I think that guys are curious to compare themselves to each other so I wouldn't be confident in that being a sign. Maybe it would justify investigation, but the only way to know is to establish a comfort level with him and throw out cues that may be responded to. Ideally, the best scenario is to just come out to him, and if he acts like he isn't interested then you can move on with your life. Otherwise, I foresee this to be a very long and drawn out ordeal without any guarantee of results. Sorry I wasn't more help. Good luck.
     
  3. hahalookatmenow

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    Thanks, with you being older.. have you ever been in my situation? Had a crush on a guy and wasn't sure if he was gay/bi? If so, how did you find out ur answer?
     
  4. RealityCheck

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    No, I haven't found myself crushing on someone that I wasn't sure about. I had an infatuation with a guy because we had so much in common recently, but I knew he was gay. It also is beneficial that I find a lot of the so called stereotypes very attractive. Sadly, having not come to terms with my sexuality until late, I pushed myself deep into denial and wouldn't allow myself to consider others as an option. I focused on work and family (parents, bros, sisters, and so on) instead exploring myself. If there was one thing that I would say to a younger me it would be to not worry about what the world thinks you should be. It is really no big deal if all the people in it love you or not. It is more important that you are true to yourself and the "right" people will then and only then come to you and fill your life with everything you thought you would be denying yourself of. I'm truly sorry I can't relate to your specific situation. I'm sure others here will be able to provide better guidance.
     
  5. hahalookatmenow

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    It's cool, I appreciate you taking time out to chat :grin:
     
  6. RealityCheck

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    Anytime. It was my pleasure. Good luck.
     
  7. hahalookatmenow

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    I really need sum advice D:
     
  8. Censored

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    I am in the same situation, and it is driving me insane. I wanting nothing more than to be with one of my closest friends and room mate of 2 years who I feel like I am getting mixed signals from. Every night I dream about him coming out to me, after which I come out to him, and then we are happy and everything is peachy. I can't imagine myself coming out to anyone unless he came out to someone else first. Can you relate to that? The problem is if he feels the same way, neither of us will ever come out to each other. And neither of us our stereotypically "gay" so it complicates everything.

    The truth is you cannot know for sure until he tells you, whether it be through words or through...some other means. And you can't count on that happening. I have to keep drilling that through my head. Other advice is not to base your own sexuality on his. Your sexuality and his and the way you feel towards him are all separate.

    In my situation, I was friends with the guy before I started crushing on him. We knew each other since 1st grade, became good friends at the end of high school, and then all of a sudden over the past year I have grown more and more attracted to everything about him. We differ here, as you seem not to know the guy you like very much. I also see a lot of myself in him as well, and often times he says exactly what I am thinking. Its hard. Right now I am just trying to be a good friend he can be comfortable telling anything to, while trying to understand my own feelings better as well.

    Hope I helped a little bit. But you aren't alone out there.
     
  9. Ianthe

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    Make friends with him.

    Then come out to him. Even if you have to come out to him as "questioning."

    Otherwise, accept that nothing will ever happen.

    Those are your options. Sorry, I know it's hard when you aren't ready. But seriously, it's impossible to have any kind of romance with a guy that doesn't know you like guys. And it's not fair to expect him to be open first--not fair, and more importantly, not realistic.

    If you aren't ready and just can't take those kinds of steps yet, then you just have to accept that nothing is going to happen there right now, and maybe work on your self-acceptance so that in the future you will be ready to deal with these kinds of feelings when you have them.

    Again, I'm sorry--I know it's a lot easier said than done, when you are still figuring things out.
     
  10. hahalookatmenow

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  11. Ianthe

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    Sorry, man. I don't really know what else to say. Did you really think there would be some magical way to find him out?

    Would you really want there to be? I mean, if there were, people could use it on you...

    But anyway, just take it one step at a time. For right now, just try to make friends with him, and put the rest of it out of your mind as much as possible. Once you are friends with him, you can start feeling out whether he's a safe person to come out to or not--this won't tell you if he's gay, but you can find out in a more general way what he thinks of gay people.

    What class are you in together? Is he good at it?
     
  12. hahalookatmenow

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    English and yea that class is super easy
     
  13. Ianthe

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    Well, that's too bad, actually, since I suppose you won't want to ask him for help with it, then.