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Mixed signals. I have no idea what to do.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by TheGreyMan, May 20, 2012.

  1. TheGreyMan

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    So there's this guy I like and I'm pretty sure he's straight as a line, but I've had my suspicions ever since I met him and they're only escalating.

    When I first met him, he put his hand on my back and he's done this several times subsequently. It's likely I'm reading too far into that, but yeah. He also often compliments my intelligence and once called me funny and even went as to say that I'm the most intelligent person he knows. (I met him a few weeks ago. Barely know him) Yet again, so far, this is probably nothing.

    A few days ago, we were partnered up in a class. The whole time we were pretty much smiling or at least I thought I noticed it. I definitely knew I was. One thing he did was that he picked a hair off my shoulder and told me to stay still and stuff. We then proceeded to jokingly make a deal out of it and he said he 'saved my life' and such. He sometimes would look down while grinning, too. I mean the shoulder thing - I don't know him very well and I've certainly never done that to people I even know. We also talked a ton about various stuff and the whole situation and mood even seemed kinda flirtacious. Another thing which I just remembered is that we talked about children's names and stuff. Oh! We also talked about animals and he said he liked reptiles and dogs. I said I had a gecko and he said he wanted to meet her. This couldn't imply he wanted to come over... could it?

    The thing is, he's had girlfriends before and occasionally talks about them as well. There's an enormous chance I'm blowing this all out of proportion, but then again, there are many other small details I'm afraid of disclosing on the 0.1% chance he could find this. I really like him - I just don't know what to do.

    Among other things - he's one of the most genuinely nice people I've ever met, but I'm afraid to ask him considering I'm not totally out and I don't even know how his family feels, or even how to go about asking something like that.
     
    #1 TheGreyMan, May 20, 2012
    Last edited: May 20, 2012
  2. RealityCheck

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    Wouldn't it be a good thing if he found this? I would say it would make your chances of success increase exponentially, lol.
     
  3. TheGreyMan

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    If you want me to be honest, I'd love it if he did.

    Because if he was here, obviously he'd be at the very least questioning.

    From what's here, he'd be able to find out who it is, to be honest. I think he's aware of the music I like and it'd be a giveaway. Then, combine that with the details which would match his experiences... yeah.
     
  4. Lad123

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    Invite him over so that he can meet your gecko :icon_wink
     
  5. TheGreyMan

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    Maybe.

    I don't know if that would seem weird though. I know he said that himself but I'm petrified of doing something stupid in a private area. In public it's a thousand times easier to keep my composure. Also, what if he ends up on my computer and somehow gets on my chat records? (I'm out to several friends and I talk about him often.)

    I've never felt this way about a person ever and it's beyond overwhelming - I've dedicated a song to him, I fantasize all the time and I hate every period that's without him.
     
    #5 TheGreyMan, May 20, 2012
    Last edited: May 20, 2012
  6. RealityCheck

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    Create a guest account. The other part is just something you will have to get over. I use to worry about looking silly, but once I opened up a little and learned to laugh at myself, it makes life fun. My friends embrace my goofy antics in all their glory.
     
  7. TheGreyMan

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    Oh, with my friends, it's no problem. We all do goofy stupid stuff.

    It's just with HIM that I'm afraid of doing something totally embarrassing - especially if it's just the two of us.

    But - from what I've said... Does it seem like there's a remote possibility he's interested?
     
  8. ThatCoopKid

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    He's interested, I'm just not quite sure if it's a friendship interested or something more interested. I'd say get to know him better first. Right now, you've just met the guy. Sure, you two click, but that's just now because you've met each other. Inviting him over would be a good way to gage his intentions, if there are any, and you would be able to figure out your next step. Plus, if you invite him over, he'll be more likely to open up to you and you could probably learn more about him.

    Long story short - having him over at some point is definitely the best step. As far as goofing it up, well, we all have our moments. I seriously doubt he's going to leave or feel weird if you have a slip up because he does it too.
     
  9. RealityCheck

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    I'm an optimist so I will say yes there is a possibility. Just invite him to hangout, even if it's in a public setting and maybe you will get some more clues as to his intent.
     
  10. TheGreyMan

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    Thank you for the advice. I'm working on talking to him enough, but to the point where it's not annoying. I've talked a few times online and a bunch of times in the past few weeks in real life. I'll see if I can ask him if he wants to hang out or something when I establish a friendship.

    Another thing is he recently transferred in and I'm terrified he won't be back in school come next September.

    @RealityCheck, thank you for your optimism! It's very appreciated.

    But that hair thing... Is it even normal? I'm afraid to ask him about it because questioning it could intimidate them and I definitely don't mind contact from him in the slightest.

    By the way, love your avatar, CoopKid. Supernatural's great.
     
  11. ThatCoopKid

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    Don't mention it :slight_smile: It's what I'm here for.

    As far as talking to him enough but not too much, just talk to him. If you see him around, say hi, and see where it leads. Usually, it doesn't take much to get a conversation started if someone really wants to talk to you. As far as him possibly not being there, well, it seems like you two are pretty chummy, so if something like that does happen I'm sure you'll have plenty of warning before hand, or at some point.

    Oh yeah :slight_smile: LOVE Supernatural. Except for this season, at least. I'm trying my hardest to forget that it even existed. :bang:
     
  12. TheGreyMan

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    Yeah, I'd think there would be warning.

    Unfortunately, it's weird but we only really talk in one of the few classes I'm in with him and he's a totally different person in that class. (In a good way)
     
  13. ThatCoopKid

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    Really? Well, that means more than anything that you should have him over sometime, just to see how he is on his own. I know people who can change their personality depending on what class they're in and the people they're around. Getting them alone is the easiest way to pick up on their true personality.

    Example - my best friend is an asshole. I love him like a brother, don't get me wrong, but he's one of the biggest pricks I've ever met, if not THE biggest. But when it's just me and him, he shows me a completely different side of himself than he does everyone else. He talks to me about his relationships, his secrets, how he feels about things, etc. But around our friends, he's macho, chauvinistic, and highly charismatic.

    Instead of making it about the gecko, have him over to play some video games, watch a movie or something. Or, for dinner. Or a combination. Just some thoughts.
     
  14. TheGreyMan

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    Maybe I'll have him over for a movie or something sometime.

    Problem with the video games thing is I'm a PC gamer - I don't own consoles. My brother does, but I doubt he'd let me use them. Dinner seems too intimate for a first time thing that's starting as just friends. Or, I'm crazy.
     
  15. RedPanda

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    Cool another 15 year old. My advice, get to know him better. You shouldn't tell him or ask if he's gay if you guys haven't known each other for a long time. Invite him over to your house, hang out, go to the movies, just have fun with him! If you think your close enough with him you should ask him in a hypothetical way lets say "If I was gay, how would you react." But yeah get to know him better.
     
  16. ThatCoopKid

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    A movie sounds about right. Either that, or you don't even have to invite him over to your house for your first time out. You could always go to a movie theater and see a movie, walk around town, etc.
     
  17. Ianthe

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    When he said he wanted to meet your gecko, that was definitely him wanting to come over and meet your gecko.

    I think he is trying to make friends with you. He seems nice.

    Make friends with him. Once you are friends with him, come out to him. Only then can you ask him privately about his sexuality; otherwise it's rude.

    Even if he isn't interested in you, you will have a new friend who is nice, and has a similar interest in pets. That is a good thing.
     
  18. TheGreyMan

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    Yeah I knew that straight up asking about sexuality is a terrible idea, especially in public. I definitely want to be friends, even if my feelings are unfortunately unrequited to the full extent...

    Today kinda sucked because we didn't really talk. It's so stupid of me to let him affect my entire day's worth.
     
  19. TheGreyMan

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    I feel so terrible.

    Today, we had to create a civilization with its own laws and the like. I was paired with him and four other people. It was going wonderfully and then a few minutes before class he HAD to go and say 'yeah gays can have relationships but they shouldn't marry.' He retracted it later next period but the damage was done. Some stupid, STUPID part of me hopes it's internalized homophobia... I sat there with a 'wtf' face on looking dumbfounded and I actually gave one of the group members the finger. eheheh... Not him, though.

    Also I'm so angry at these kids at our school. You'd call them 'the wrong crowd.' Almost every new kid they get to and change them into a totally different person. He's with them. He's becoming different. The worst part is seeing glimmers of the person they once were while you talk to them but knowing that they've changed. It hurts so much and it's so stupid of me to let myself feel this way!

    I don't know why he'd act like that and toy with my emotions and then drop that today. I'm sorry. I'm just very upset.
     
  20. TheGreyMan

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    He... said he thought I was beautiful?

    So one of my friends asked him if he was serious about the gay marriage thing and he wasn't so that was good. When I got to class, he immediately initiated rock paper scissors for no reason whatsoever and played multiple times while acting kind of nervous and silly. He kinda touched my hand every time we ended the game.

    He went to see the show I was in because there was family of his in it and he said I did a good job. Later, my brother called me ugly and in a tone I can't quite decipher he(guy I like) said 'No you're not, I think you're beautiful.'

    He could've been joking but... it was so nice.
     
    #20 TheGreyMan, May 23, 2012
    Last edited: May 23, 2012