College Roommates

I would keep it to myself until I felt good enough in my heart they wouldn't judge me. If you feel like they are homophobic then keep it to yourself, you have every right to. But, if you feel like they'll accept it, then eventually tell them. If you feel they aren't giving you anyone of these options, then bring it up to both of them... Say something like "I saw this gay guy in my English class today, it was awkward" and see what they'll say.

 

I gotta agree with hahalookatmenow. Until you know them well enough to make an assessment on their characters/personalities you should keep it to yourself, because at the current moment it'll end up one of three ways - 1) they'll accept you and you'll be good friends, 2) they'll accept you, but feel uncomfortable about you being gay, or 3) they won't take it well and it'll lead to problems. If you absolutely HAVE to tell them when you meet them, then do it. Worst case scenario is that you'll just have to get new roommates. You can always ask to switch rooms with someone else.

 

Welcome to EC!

When to tell them is completely up to you. Some people rather get to know people before they tell them and some people like to be upfront with people when certain situations come up. It really is a personal call though. Do keep in mind that you can change your roommates at any time if you have problems with anything or if you feel unsafe. Better yet, tell that your your roommates since they are the ones having the problem and not you.

As far as I go, I don't like having to play mind games or lying to people so I would just let them know before we even moved in together. Else simple questions like "whats your type" or "do you have a girlfriend?" become ridcs web of lies. Also, keep in mind that telling friends is usually harder to tell strangers since there is a risk of losing a friendship and all that stuff. So I just rather get the awkwardness out of the way and know what I'm dealing with.

As for how to tell them, you could always ask questions like "who are you guys dating?" or "what clubs you plan to join?" and you simply reply with the truth when they come to you. No reason to make it a big announcement

 

I agree with others above me.

I personally, kept it to myself while I had my randomly assigned roommates, but now that I live with people I actually know, I've told them.

Let me say that you're fortunate to each have your own rooms though. That should help the awkwardness

 

This post is everything I couldn't articulate.:eusa_clap

 

Hi, welcome to Empty Closets!

You can tell, or not tell, people as you choose. Of course.

However, one thing that's great about going away to school is that you have the opportunity to just be out from the start with everyone. Otherwise, you will either be in the closet the whole time, or have to come out to people later. If you are just out to start with, you can avoid any big coming out moment.

 

My question to you is: do you want to be out? Because if you do, what Ianthe says above is so true. And given the school your headed to, I'd find it surprising if any of your dorm mates would say they have a problem. So if you can get past your nerves right at the start, just imagine how freeing that would be for your time there.

 

You can do whatever you are comfortable with doing. With my first roommate I came out to her before the semester even started by email. She was very homophobic and I was forced to deal with her for the first two weeks of the semester..

My second roommate figured it out on her own. She ended up being mad at me for not telling her sooner. So my advice would be to try to get to know them and come out to them if you feel comfortable telling them.

 

I'm just gonna relay the advice I was given when I asked the same thing you did two years ago (geez, it's been a while) when I started university.

I was rooming with another guy, traditional-styled dorm room. He oddly had the same name as me, and we were in the same program, amongst a whole bunch of other things. I suppose I figured we'd either be competing for friends, or hanging out in the same group (neither of which happened), so I opted to not tell him. I think the most sticking pieces of advice I got were:

- Your sexuality is not really important information to them. Like others have said, the vast majority of people don't care, and the ones that would don't necessarily need to know. Honestly, it only becomes pertinent if you start bringing guys home every night

- It depends largely on whether you want to start school as "out" or not, and that's based off your comfort level. I didn't have my stuff all figured out, so I wasn't ready to tell anyone (with conviction) that I liked guys, so I held off. And like someone else said, the close friends I made after first year (that I'm now living with) I ended up telling, though it took a long time. There's no rush. If they're friends, they're friends.

- Think about first impressions for a second. Obviously they're really important. Even though sexuality is not the most important part of ourselves, it's certainly definitive enough that if you lead with it, it'll stick to them. I didn't really want to be known as "the gay roommate". I have many other qualities I'd much rather lead with. That's not to say being gay is bad, but it can certainly be an awkward point if established the wrong way from the get-go.

- You have enough things to worry about (moving somewhere new, living with strangers, focusing on school) that it might be more important to put this aside for the moment, as hard as that is. No sense in overloading yourself if you can avoid it, right?

- Don't forget that you can always get a roommate switch if you need to. Discrimination of any kind (particularly if it verges into harassment of any kind) is certainly enough grounds to demand a switch.