Advice on how to deal with my dad

My dad is a very closed minded person, he's racist and homophobic and hates people who aren't from America. If I came out to him I would consider anything short of him killing me a good reaction, sad I know:icon_sad:. He thinks its horrible that I have both an American and Italian passport and that I speak Spanish and Russian. We are basically polar opposites and don't really get along. He's even told that resents me since I didn't grow up with nothing like he did and that I had a 3-series for my first car and that I don't like hunting and that I don't want to be farmer. He loves to throw the car in my face all the time anytime he gets pissed at me, it's 10 years old so it's not like it worth very much. I'm not a big fan of him, he was very abusive when I was growing up and I still have a lot of pent up resentment towards him, so that doesn't help. I'm trying to stay on his good side since he is paying for my college tuition. But every time we speak, I usually end up wanting to never speak to him again, I try not to show this in my voice, but his bigotry makes me so mad. He's also on my case to hurry up and give him grandkids, I'm 18 for crying out loud and gay(not that he knows). I'm going home from college in a few weeks and if anyone as any advice on how to put up with him that would be awesome.

 

@DryOasis: General conversation with him is hard since he gets pissed at everything, even discussing the news, the only thing we have in common is that we both like cars. But even talking about cars usually ends with him pissed since I don't like American cars and because I have a German car, it's ridiculous. Basically he gets upset when people don't have the same exact opinion as him. But I will keep trying and hopefully I'll find something to talk to him about that won't piss him off.

@Jim1454 I was born and raised in California, hence the American passport. Italian citizenship laws allow for descendants of immigrants to become Italian citizens, and since my mother's grandfather move to the US from Italy I was able to get an Italian passport. I never learned Italian since I never had anyone to teach, my mother stubbornly refused to learn from her dad. Spanish I learned through school and my friends who speak Spanish, the town I grew up in had a lot of native speakers. I learned Russian mostly just for fun, through a local college and lots of skyping with native speakers, it's not as good as my Spanish, but it's pretty good.

My parents are married, unfortunately, so when I go for the summer I will have to be around him, if I could afford to stay in Los Angeles over summer I would. Honestly if my parents were divorced my life would be much simpler, I get along pretty well with my mom. Since my dad pretty much controls all the money and I can't afford 30K a year, so he pays for my college. I do try to avoid him when I go home, but it's impossible to completely avoid him.

 

@Jim1454 He actually never finished college, he managed to make a fair amount of money farming. I'm fairly confident that he would not accept it, I currently don't plan on ever coming out to him, his past actions pretty much show were he stands. I have a cousin who came out a few years ago and him and my dad were pretty close, now my dad refuses to acknowledge that he exists.

I know that my mom could keep a secret from him, but I'm scared to death to come out to her again. I came out to her last December when I was basically at the low point of my life, I had come close to suicide the night before, gotten the pills, wrote the note but something made me change my mind. The next day I was a wreck, my mom noticed and basically badgered me until the water works opened and I opened up to someone for the first time in years. I told her how I woke up every morning and wanted to die and how much I hated myself. Somewhere in there I let it slip that I was gay, and at first she told me it was okay and she still loved me. But once I had calmed down, she went on about I'm crazy and stupid for wanting to kill myself and how I'm not gay and that someone made me think that I was(this coming from a woman who claims to believe that being gay is genetic). She went on rant about I can't be gay since I don't fit any of the stereotypes. She did her best to shove me back in the closet, and I am ashamed to say I let her, I was such an emotional wreck that I couldn't deal with a fight and I didn't really want to be out anyway. A few days later she asked me if I was gay and I said no and she said "Oh, thank God you came to your senses." I haven't been able to get up the courage to tell her that I really am gay, I feel guilty for lying to her and I'd know she'd be pissed about me lying and I'm scared she'd treat me like I was a disease. Though in the last months she has been more gay friendly and has commented on gay friendly stuff I post on facebook saying she agrees. So I think deep down she knows that I really am gay, or so I'd like to think, I just need to get the balls to tell her.

@Zaio I never plan on shoving it in is face, since he would likely write me out of his will, though I'm not sure who he'd leave to, I'm an only child. It's not worth it to me to potentially throw away a 7 figure inheritance in order to prove a point to an ignorant SOB.