Is it okay to hold grudges?

One thing I have learned in this life... never hold grudges. it'll make you very unhappy and will complicate your life.

I know what he did is wrong, but you know what, show him you're the better person. forgive him, then live your life as if he never existed in the first place. its kinda hard I know, but once you get used to this, it's easier. If one day he tries to speak to you, just ignore him as if he wasn't there.

life is too short to hate people for what they did to you. By the time your 20 your hate list would have grown to several pages long. holding that much grudges, will influence you happiness in life. do not let other people rob you of your happiness.

 

I'm against holding grudges as well. In the end, the only person they really hurt is you. For example, in your situation, he is having a good time with all of his friends while you sit in the back of the room upset

A grudge is really just extra weight that you're carrying around. It can take a lot of energy to hate someone and often times it can end up making you unhappy. In fact, individuals that hold grudges are more likely to have health problems (heart disease, ulcers, depression, high blood pressure, higher rates of substance abuse, etc) and to enter a dysfunctional relationship. I'm not saying that if you keep holding grudges any of those things will happen to you but it will be more likely.

I think that you holding a grudge is giving him power over you. It is a way of letting him dictate how you feel. I'm not saying what he did was right (it wasn't) or that you should become best friends with him but you should consider forgiving him and letting this go

Good luck!

 

Oh it's tempting to wanna hold a grudge, but don't. I heard a quote once that sums it up for me. 'The best revenge is living well.'

 

You guys are really young. At that age, a lot of people are still figuring out a lot of things, including how to really be a good friend.

Maybe it freaked him out--I mean, you KNOW he's bisexual, but a lot of people aren't totally sure of themselves at that age, and maybe when you asked him out, it made it seem more real than he was ready for. Maybe he was just embarrassed, and didn't know how to handle it.

Especially if he's apologized, holding on to your anger isn't going to do any good--certainly, it's not going to improve your social life. And, he'll move on, because by apologizing, he's really done all he can at this point. So, it's only you that will really be bothered by it.

 

Don't hold grudges... I do and it doesn't get me anywhere... it just makes me more upset and angry. The more grudges I have, the more I hate humanity. It is just unhealthy. Granted, if you do, they usually fade in a short while. This happens with a change in priorities.

Actually, someone who bullied me WAAY back in middle school actually apologized to me on facebook recently. I couldn't believe it. I thanked him for apologizing but I didn't really remember what he did.

Just know that by the next school year, this person probably won't even play a part in your life. Most kids now days have short attention spans so I'm sure everyone will forgot (or simply just not care) about this crap.

 

I think you're entitled to feel resentful towards him, just don't go out of your way to hold a grudge against him.

 

Of course you're entitled to feel hurt. He hurt you. He mistreated you. You have every reason to feel the way that you do.

However, I've learned something important in my life. When someone mistreats you, when someone hurts you, when they fuck you over - it doesn't serve any good to hold a grudge. Why? Because it only hurts you.

While he is having a good time with his friends, you're in the back of the class nursing old wounds hating his guts. He's moved on, forgotten about you, and yet YOU are still allowing him to hurt you. Each and every time you feel hatred toward him, it ruins your day, doesn't it? It makes you unhappy. Why give him THAT power over you? Hasn't he already done enough?

Believe me. I'm one of the biggest grudge holders on the planet. I still remember when I was five years old my aunt wouldn't give me a second helping of watermelon balls at my cousin's wedding. (She was working one of the reception tables.) I remember going back to my table and crying because she refused me. AND TO THIS DAY! Whenever I see her I'm reminded of that slight. LOL.

Now, that's a humorous example, but it illustrates my point. I don't forget much. When someone fucks me over, its burned into my brain and I remember. So, I've had to learn to let go and forgive. I don't forget - I never forget - but I do forgive.

I also make myself little promises, which helps. Like, continuing with my example above, I've promised myself that when I outlive my aunt (yes I'm totally outliving her), that I'm going to visit her grave with a huge giant bowl of watermelon balls and eat EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM until I puke. That's right, bitch - I finally got them all! :badgrin:

(This is actually a running joke in my family. Everyone knows of my resentment over the whole watermelon ball fiasco and has a good laugh. :lol

My advice? Forgive him, but don't forget. When you finally land yourself a better man that he could ever hope for (no matter how long it takes - even if it's like your High School Reunion), just promise yourself that you're going to make sure that you introduce them. Make sure he knows - directly or indirectly - how happy you are.

In the meantime, make some new friends. Get happy. The best revenge for someone like that is living well. Fuck him. Don't give him the power to take away your happiness.

 

I had a extremely homophobic roommate last year who I mentioned in several threads and won't mention again and as I try to forgive him it feels like he doesn't deserve my forgiveness because he is simply a hateful person. Holding on to grudges or bad memories is not healthy and I try not to hold grudges but it is really hard to do sometimes.

 

You can hold all the grudges you want.

If I've learned anything at all from the Buddhists though, it's that holding grudges ends up making you miserable.

 

for me personally, any grudge i had against someone back in high school is done. i still have girls from high school who i see at my 2 year school that still hate me lol.

im over it.

just dont talk to him anymore that was a serious betrayal of trust. i know what i said is contradicting what i said earlier but that is something i couldnt forgive.