Bombarded by another episode of mental anguish about an astronomically-odd thing

A revelation as of last week completely stunned me and has dwelled in my mind ever sice. I was randomly browsing old acquaintances on my facebook friends list, when inadvertently I stumbled upon the profile of a cute, and friendly roommate I had from my second year of college. Suddenly I see that his "Interested In" section has been changed to "Men", and at first I bemusedly thought that this must have been some inside joke.. I had not so much as an inkling the guy was anything but straight; when we roomed together, he seemed like such a chick magnet, and had a rough/tough attitude towards guys who pissed him off or insulted him. Not an iota of the telltale signs we often associate with people who are even mildly queer.

I summoned up the courage to contact him after years of not talking, and he responded in kind with an affirmative answer, that yes he is gay and has been living the life with his boyfriend of the last 3 years.

When I asked him whether he was out when we roomed together (I knew the obvious answer), he said no, but that he was "surprised" I didn't hear the impassioned commotations that often accompanied him bringing some pals of his to his room when I was standing in the living room.


I'm extremely happy for him... In fact, my first response to this stunning revelation was one of elation: here was a guy who I was fond of (but NEVER suspected before of being gay or even bicurious) in the past, now reconciling his past life in the closet with coming out, and feeling more emotionally balanced and at in sync with himself. He even took the pains in our most recent chat to advise me on how I can better up my game with the guys, and so on.. and says he'll hit me up for food and partying next time he's in town, or vice versa.


On the other hand, there's the feeling on my part that I'm an "absent-minded idiot." I'm an idiot that I never experimented with anyone back in college because of the cowardice that suppressed all my thoughts and feelings towards guys, an idiot that my already-crappy gaydar couldn't once detect that something about this roommate was different, etc etc. In short, a hurtful pang of past regrets is seething in my mind, and I'm bemoaning the dark irony of having roomed with a gay guy for a whole frickin' year, and having been utterly oblivious to our mutual homosexuality. :dry:

(for the record, he says he was likewise completely bewildered to find out I'm not straight)

Seriously guys, can anyone not see the profound taunting from Heaven/G-d in all this? :bang:

---------- Post added 21st May 2012 at 01:48 PM ----------

Just when you think life couldn't get any stranger.

 

The thing is that I *did* take a keen interest in him at the time, but it didn't progress beyond the fleeting thoughts/daydreams of scoping out "eye candy". I had no intentions to set my sights on him, because like everyone else, I had no clue about him not being straight. Even someone with radar-blasting gaydar would not have noticed, seriously.

 

hmm.. :dry: