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Heterosexual relationship after coming out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by rx79g, May 21, 2012.

  1. rx79g

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    I feel like I'm gay, and I really want to come out, but I don't want to completely close off the possibility of dating a girl. I don't think its very likely I'd want to but I'm not repulsed by girls and I have been attracted in the past. Has anyone come out as gay or lesbian, and then had a heterosexual relationship? As in you found that rare exception that you still loved anyway? Is it a problem? Is there "going back" so to speak? Would people even let you or would they talk about it like you had done something awful?

    This is probably mostly me just not quite accepting my sexuality, but I would feel better if I knew that I could always have the option of dating a girl if I changed my mind or found an exception.
     
  2. Lad123

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    I don't recommend going down the heterosexual route if you are gay... Its not fair to the girl because you can't reciprocate the feelings. It would also be difficult to maintain this 'straight act' for the rest of your life and you will be unhappy and depressed too. So why go backwards into the closet/denial when you can move forwards and live a happy life being who you are :slight_smile:
     
  3. brandyfan02

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    Maybe someone could tell you they've had a heterosexual relationship after coming out, but I can at least relate to what you're feeling. For me, after coming out, I've started to realize that the thought of being able to have a heterosexual relationship in the future was just something I held onto so I wouldn't have to fully come to terms with my sexuality & lose that hope of one day changing & being "normal." Attaching your sexuality to your identity by coming out (a way of putting it that I love, but did not come up with) really helps you to see things more clearly, as they are, for you & what truly makes you happy, not anyone else. I will say though that I first came out to someone I knew I could talk about my feelings to & would most likely understand if I ended up not being gay/was just confused. That helped me, so it might help you; I would just think about what would make you happy & not worry about anything else because you certainly don't want to end up in a straight relationship for the wrong reasons.
     
  4. Is it possible that one might successfully and happily be with someone of the opposite sex even though they're gay? Of course. Has it happened to someone out there? I'm sure.

    Are you holding onto this because it's scary to dive right into the deep end of the self-acceptance pool? Probably.

    But that's okay. Nothing is written in stone and if by some crazy chance you were both emotionally and sexually attracted to one special person of the opposite sex, yeah go for it. But when you stop holding out hope to be straight and you start being honest with yourself, you'll probably not need the idea that you can 'go back' to comfort you. You'll just look for a really awesome guy to be with. And that's good :slight_smile:

    (*hug*)
     
  5. Drakey

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    well I personally believe that there will always be exceptions to sexual orientation. Almost nobody is 100% gay or straight. I have one lesbian friend who was just about the *pardon me* gayest person in our school and she is currently dating a boy. If there's somebody of the opposite sex who catches your fancy then go for it! All that matters is what feels right deep down in your heart :3
     
  6. Ianthe

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    If you fall in love with a girl in the future, you will still be able to date her, even if you have been out as gay. The queer police will not come track you down to put a stop to it.

    If it happens, you can simply explain to everyone that you didn't think it would happen, but it did. And then you can identify as bisexual, which would be accurate.

    When you come out, it just means being honest based on your best current knowledge. (You know you like men.) It's always possible to learn something new, such as if you met a girl and fell in love with her. You would just tell people, "Yeah, I came out as gay before, but that was before I fell in love with this girl. I'd had strong feelings for a lot of guys before, but not so much for girls--but now I'm in love with her, so I guess I'm bisexual. But I didn't know before." (This would be the truth.)

    Sometimes people are surprised--but you shouldn't count on it happening to you. Just come out with the best information you have at the time.
     
  7. Deaf Not Blind

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    You got it! I know that just like the stereotypes and peer pressures by straights to act and date and like only opposite sex, I see all the time gay and lesbians telling another friend to dump or not ask out someone of the opposite sex and they give the reasons: you are deceiving them, your deceiving yourself, you are being selfish, you are in denial..etc. I have read about people who fell in love, and got married, and were open to their spouse from day one that they are gay, and they both chose to take the plunge anyways full knowledge. love is strange...it goes beyond logic and reason. That is why we want some right?