Hi EC. I am fully out to everyone except 2, I'm open about it, fully accepted my sexuality and to an extent am actually proud of it and glad that I am gay, however one thing has me wondering... I have a christian grandmother who I'm wondering if there's even any need to come out to, we have a usual relationship, love seeing her with my sister and such, I would certaintly never flaunt a boyfriend at her as that would drive her through the roof most likely, but I am wondering if there's actually a need to come out to her. I don't feel compelled to tell her at all. I remember once when my brother hadn't had a girlfriend for a very long time then he got one, I overheard my grandma say "at least he didn't get a boyfriend." So obviously she would be highly against it at first, and the thing is she is pretty stuborn, she really wouldn't have me correcting her about anything in the bible or bringing across my ideology on christianity from a gay guys perspective. While I think the whole thing is ridiculous I have many many arguments for christianity to prove that god doesn't hate "fags", as I have met many christian people in my time. It's just... Well is there really a need to come out? Again I don't feel compelled but I was just thinking about it earlier when visiting her and was wondering. All opinions/thoughts/comments are welcome All the best.
I don't think you need to come out to her, but I think it would benefit you and her. You don't want to have to hide from her for the rest of her life. You said you wouldn't flaunt a boyfriend at her, but what if she found out that you had a boyfriend while you were still in the closet? I'm sure she would flip even more. I think you should just tell her and deal with the crap she gives you now because in the long run, you'll be glad not lying to her, and she *might* be a little less homophobic now that there is a homosexual in the family. I hope all goes well with you and her.
Although your posts tend to give the impression you are much older than 15 as stated in your info and although you might see yourself as very grown up and mature, this is a person who remembers your mother (or father) crying for a lollipop To her you are a child, so don't be surprised that she is not willing to change the life long view on religion on the first few arguments you blurt out Coming out to her is a thing you should be able to answer the best. Usually, the advice is to come out, but because of feeling better yourself. Given that you are already out to most people, that reason is not as strong. I guess that if your grandmother means a lot to you and you feel you would really like her to know, then you should tell her. I chose not to tell my grandmother because to her it was very important to keep the family going on. I think it would have crushed her (I am her only male grandchild, the only one keeping my grandfather's family name). She died in the mean time, but I am not sorry I didn't tell her. She was very important to me and I loved her very much, but it would have just.. well, it could have killed her.
That's the thing though I'm not in the closet, all my friends know, my brothers, sisters, mother, father, cousins... The whole family except my grandma and grandad, although personally I don't think my grandad will care. What gives you that idea? I am not trying to give off a snide impression of myself if that is what I come across as, but to the rest of your post yeah I guess you're right, I already feel comfortable being gay, so I wouldn't really be doing it for myself and my grandma also loves family, shes always organising get-togethers and I suppose if there's no need to come out to her there's no need to risk losing that. However, what if I do eventually get a boyfriend and she finds out from another source? That may be pretty embarassing to say the least. One thing that I would detest, is if she found out and responded in a way that I garuntee she will do - I would go absolutely balistic if she says "I'll pray for you."
Is there really a need to come out? That's really all up to you to decide whether its worth it or not because there really isn't a wrong answer. I'm actually in a very similar situation and I had to decide whether to tell my grandparents or not. They live in another country so hiding stuff from them isn't the problem, but I decided that I wanted them to know because its important to me that they know the "real" me before they die. I don't want to wonder later on if their love for me would have changed if they had only known. Also, If they are still alive when I get married then I want and expect them to be there. That won't be happening unless I come out to them with time. So, for me, its worth it to come out to them and risk whatever I have to risk.
If you don't have a boyfriend at the moment, and if no one is likely to tell her that you're gay, then I guess there's no hurry for you to tell her. When or if you do have a boyfriend, it'll be up to you to decide between being prayed for and risking letting her find out from someone else.
No, because there's no possible good it could do except for give you some kind of peace. And that's only if not being out were bothering you in the first place, which it seems not to be... So yeah. I am not out to my grandparents either.
I'm sorry if this is how my comment sounds, but there was really no second layer of meaning in it. I was just trying to establish that, no matter how mature you are, to her you still are just a kid. This was just in response to that comment about her not listening to your arguments on/against religious dogma. When it comes to your posts, I am truely impressed by the level of maturity in them, not just in this thread but on the whole. Well, actually that sounds patronizing as well As I said, my apologies, I meant no wrong.
I don't think there's any particular hurry to come out if it's not bothering you. Both my grandparent's on my father's side are pretty religious, aand one of them has Alziemer's, so I doubt I will come out to either of them in the near future. If you do, however, want to come out to her, then don't expect her to change her views an awful lot-she has probably thought the same way for a veryy long time!
Yeah this is the way I am thinking too, I think for now I will not tell her unless my views change as I age. Thank you, and no it doesn't sound patronizing in the slightest to me, on the contrary it reverberates mellifluously in my mind
