ok i wanna have someone who is gay in college. you can apply for certain dorms and 2 of them have options where you can room with someone who is also LGBT. i wanted to do this but as soon as i told my mother, she flipped out and "strongly disagreed" (to put it nicely). she said she would feel uncomfortable coming up to visit me and seeing my roomie make out with her girlfriend (seriously wtf?). she even threatened to tell my dad what kind of roomie i wanted (both parents are jamaican and homophobic). what should i do?
I would sit down with both of them and have a serious talk about WHY you want to apply for this LGBT dorm and try to come to a consensus with them. If you can't all agree on one thing, try to come up with a deal with them. If they are paying for you to go to college and they really don't want you to be in the LGBT dorm, I'm afraid you might be out of luck and you will have to dorm with a non LGBT person. Maybe this is the time to come out to your parents as bisexual. Maybe it's not the time. You could just apply for the dorm anyway and not tell your parents about it, but that seems a little to sneaky. I hope everything works out for you!
Just tell her the true, personal reason why you want a LGBT oriented doom room. I would assume thats it mainly so that you can feel confortable and open with the environment around you. If she still doesnt agree with it than secretly bubble it in lol. But really just tell her straight up, that im doing this for my personally confortability.
thanks for the advice. and just to add, i did get financial aid which paid most of my finances. both of my parents only have to come up with 700 each for me to go to college. every time i try to talk to them, it ends up in "nonononononono" conversation. i cant get anywhere with it.
^ agree with the above, you might simply be out of luck. If they're paying for you, it's their call. However, if you're funding your residence, then you can push for it if you want, you just have to weigh if pissing them off is worth it to you. What I'm curious about is why you would want to room with an LGBT person? Obviously knowing someone else will "accept you" is probably the big reason, but I actually foresee it causing some problems. Here's what I'm thinking: - If you happen to be interested in your roommate, well, that's a whole can of worms; whereas if they were straight, it wouldn't be an issue since they'd be off-limits regardless. - With both of you being LGBT, if you happen to have a total douchebag in your dorm who wants to do some discriminatory things, your room becomes that much more of a target. - Personally, I see it almost as segregation; there's nothing so special about being LGBT that in this day and age (particularly at post-secondary, where people are supposed to be more open-minded and intelligent) we should have to shack up with each other for fear of having someone else not be able to deal. I don't know. I can't necessarily think of specific examples but this is one time where I think having a straight roommate might actually be simpler. Keep things more... "normal" (I hate that word), y'know? But I know that's not what you asked advice on, so sorry about that. :/
bud, i get what you are saying. i dont think i'll be interested in my roommate. im not even out to anyone, so i dont think i'd be dating till im 100% comfortable. maybe you are right though about it being "normal". my parents seem to think that if i room with someone who is gay i will be converted (bit too late for that).
Lol. Well, do they know you're bi? I know it says you aren't out at all, but I figured I could check. And I don't even necessarily mean dating... I was thinking even awkward shenanigans. I mean, if one night you guys were both all hot and bothered, and your actions progressed past that of normal roommate friendship, it could cause a lot of awkward tension. And the last thing you want in your living space (your personal sanctuary) is to have to feel awkward about going in there. Of course, this is farfetched and probably never going to happen, but with a straight roommate it's even less likely to happen My mentality is probably different though; I think the only options we have for rooming at my school was with regards to smokers and specific allergies/health conditions. Really, even if you hated your roommate, you could only switch if it was actually causing a legitimate problem. So I might be coming from the idea that "you and your roommate find a way to make it work, even if you disagree... it's part of living with someone else". Which obviously has it's pros and cons. Oh, and a belated "welcome to EC"!
thanks for the welcome. i told my mom but i dont think she took me seriously (which is why i listed as in the closet). i told her at boston pride last year but because i wasnt dating anyone and havent been interested in anyone, i think she kinda shrugged it off. yeah i understand about the awkwardness. i wouldnt wanna hook up with my roomie and have something happen where we hate to be in the same room for long periods of time with each other. i figured its easier to talk to someone who has been through the same things as you and thats why i want the LGBT dorms.
Truthfully, I believe the the odds of it being awkward, unconfortable, etc. would be alot higher with a straight roomate. Its pointless to try to hide your sexuality from your roomate in college and theres always the hetero-complex of "well your gay/bi so you must be in love with me" lol.(Granted its deffiently not all straight people but there are a large amount that will assume that). No one can see the future so it is possible that someone could end up with a LGBT rommate and they could at some point hook up. It is not desired but........ stuff happeneds. I would do it for the same reason you said before, just to understand the other person better and possibly become friends. I not only have gay friends, but friends who I am outright certain have a crush on me(Some who have outright "confessed their love" face to face lol). And we have yet to have sex because i dont feel the same way. Even if your roomate is a "horn dog" you dont have to 'give it up' . The cons are about equal on both sides. If you want to do it just do it. Hopefully your parents will understand
i dont have any gay friends though i have straight friends who are cool with LGBT in general. but none that go to the college im going to in the fall
Is it the whole dorm, or just your roommate assignment? Why do you have to tell them? Can't you just apply? They don't have any rights to demand to see anything. I mean, if they are paying, they might have moral rights to your transcripts or something, but you don't actually have to tell them everything about your dorm and roommate applications, I shouldn't think. The school isn't normally allowed to tell them anything without your permission. That's adulthood for you... So, apply for the room assignment you want. They can't stop you, and the only reason your mother even knows anything about it is because you already told her. Right? Stop asking their permission--you don't need it. (I've read so many "Help, I'm in love with my roommate" threads, I wish they would pair up gay guys and lesbians for room assignments. No help there for bisexuals though. Maybe their could be a survey--like, What sort of people are you NOT attracted to romantically? And try to help them to be roommates. I just think for myself, if I were looking for a platonic roommate, a gay guy would be ideal--it would just take so much pressure off, knowing that neither of us would be very likely to develop romantic feelings, and I just didn't have to worry about that. Oh, the things that straight people take for granted... )
no, not all schools do. mine don't have a trans box. i am a bit nervous of if i have a hot chick in my room, and she feels safe with me, and starts undressing and walking around skimpy or naked...how will i play the part of a disinterested straight girl when I'm inside thuds horny guy and oh gosh this could cause a coming out!
