When do you really know its time to come out? At this point, I've more or less accepted being gay, but I don't think I'm ready to start telling my friends. I have very close friends, but the people I'm closest with happen to have big mouths. I'm afraid that I'll tell one person, and everyone will start finding out and the whole thing will spiral out of my control. Friends from home also attend my college so there's really no easy way to do it. I'm pretty unsure of how everyone will react, and right now I don't have a guaranteed support group within my friends at least. MOst of my friends are guys, so the whole thing really worries me. Any advice?
My advice would be if youre not ready to come out to everyone, then maybe wait a while. if you cant tell your friends without them telling everyone, then wait until youre ready for everyone to know. I accidentally told my friend when I was drunk and he told a bunch of people. i wasnt ready to come out and that really hurt me. Take your time. Only you know when youre ready
I understand that it might. First I'd ask "do I feel safe telling them; i.e., will they accept me?" If the answer is yes, I would tell them, but make it very, very clear at the outset that outing you would be an extremely hurtful thing even if done by accident.
Coming out to guys is currently a hot topic on my mind as well. I'm running into the issue of ... this guy could be afraid i'm going to make a move on him and ignore me if I tell him. While I doubt thats true I just dont want to ruin any friendships. The few friends I've told have been girls. So ya I'm on the same boat as you bud, more or less, I'd kinda like to see the suggestions that come up.
Look at the situation two ways: first really rationally/analytically/logically, and then secondly straight from the heart/gut. 1) Is it a good idea for you to come out? More importantly, if word did spread around, would you be able to handle that? Only you can answer that. If there's legitimate (not irrational, we all worry irrationally when it comes to this stuff) concern that word would get to someone you didn't want hearing about it, then it might be better to hold off until you're more comfortable. Like Pret said, is it safe for you to come out? Would your friends accept you? Again, only questions you can really answer. Then, if you have a lot of answers telling you it's okay to go ahead, think about this: 2) Are you comfortable telling people? Does it feel forced to tell them? Are you planning on telling them because you feel like you should tell them or you want to tell them? Why do you want them to know in the first place? I'm not trying to deter you from coming out; trust all of us, it's an awesome thing when it's over and done with. In retrospect, I think I pushed myself a little too far when I told my first friend; even though he was more than fine with it and it all worked out in the end, I look back and I don't think I was necessarily ready to take that step. On the other hand, I'm so happy that I did it, because I don't think if I had then I don't know if I'd have come out at all yet. Obviously a little bit of stress/worry is reasonable, you're making yourself share that secret you've kept for a long time with the rest of the world. But make sure that you aren't pushing yourself too hard. There's no "race" to come out; it'll all happen when it's supposed to, when it feels right. I know that's a really hard thing to gauge, but if you take anything out of this wall of text remember that you need to come out for you and not other people. Keep your best interest in mind.
